Break up with partner - not my son's dad, how do I handle it?

[Mummabear03]

My boyfriend and I have split up after being together for 2 years, since my son was 1. He's lived with us for the last year and although my son doesn't call him dad he's very close to him, especially as his real dad has never been in the picture. The break up wasn't very nice for me, my ex decided he "couldn't be bothered anymore" with our relationship after arguing for the last month. It's been 2 years and 1 month or arguments was enough for him to end it. He messed me around a bit before really deciding he wasn't motivated. He does love my son a lot though and my son loves him. We've moved back with my parents, 3 hours away, but we'll have to go back to pack all our stuff. My son asks where he is every day and says he wants to see him, sometimes it's fleeting but it's hard to hear him sad. When I go back next do I let my son see my ex or will that make it worse? He has been like a dad to him and cutting him out cold turkey feels harsh but I just don't know what's right for my son. Any advice or similar experience?

[TheMayQueen]

That's tricky. Does the ex want to see him?

[Happycat1212]

I’ve not been in this situation but he’s 3 if I read that right? He will forget him.

[Mummabear03]

He's said he wants to stay involved in my son's life and I said that in the long term it isn't going to work but my son might find it confusing going back to our old house and not seeing him there.

[Happycat1212]

Under no circumstances is that a good idea. Wait till he gets a new girlfriend or has his own kid he will drop him like a brick, there’s no way he’s gonna stick in his life till his an adult and your son will be more hurt the older he gets, he is 3 seriously he will get over it.

[Babyiskickingmyribs]

Imagine you had a live in nanny or an Au Pair for a year or two and then they moved back home or changed jobs. How would you explain that to your son? Do a similar version for your ex. To your son you ex was someone who loved him and was part of the family but only temporarily and is now moving on.

[Mummabear03]

@Babyiskickingmyribs thank you, that's a great idea! And actually will make it so much easier for me to cope with thinking of it that way.

[Pinchoftums]

It depends how good a stepparent he was and will be. One of my ex-boyfriend's had her child in a similar situation and he still sees them 15 years after they split up he was with the mum for about 3 years. He's a bit more of an uncle figure than anything else and they both have a fantastic relationship. Particularly as your son doesn't have a father in his life it could be a good thing. Leicester any good reasons to I would consider allowing this to continue unless he lets you down.

[Pinchoftums]

Leicester = unless there are 😁

[FizzyPink]

A similar thing happened to me as a child although I was slightly older (probably about 6 or 7). I remember being absolutely distraught when they told me they were splitting up. He then still saw me and took me out every couple of weeks for a few years until one day contact suddenly stopped.
I remember at the time wondering what had happened and why he didn’t want to see me anymore. I think it would have been much easier if he’d just cut contact from the start and not stayed in touch for so long after he’d moved out.