Single mum of 2, lack of socialising

[liska5]

Hi all! I’ve been single for a year now and on top of it in a new country, Switzerland. Moved here last summer for a job with my two kids and just after we separated with my ex. Now I don’t know if it’s just me, but I can’t help myself but feel super weird... I mean, pretty much everyone I meet has a family. I haven’t met that many people, Covid and all, but those I have met are all either couples without kids or families. And I really feel like I’m the odd one out. I have a nice house here that I’m renting all on my single salary and I’m actually quite proud of myself that for the first time in my life I’m relying only on myself. For everything. So why does it still feel weird? Because it does. My neighbours are all families with kids. They all from time to time have friends over, also families with kids. At my youngest’s nursery, all parents seem to be couples. That’s wonderful of course, and I’m truly happy for them - that’s not the point. The point is that for some bizarre reason I just really feel weird and that people are judging me or something for being single with two kids. For having a house with a garden, having a dog and a car, and not having a guy around. Maybe it’s all in my head and Covid is messing with me... I don’t know. But I kind of feel that pressure of finding someone soon so that I, too, start looking like I’m part of a complete family. Rationally, I know it’s silly because I’m happy the way I am, I love my kids and I know I’m doing a good job raising them, true that with two pay checks life would be easier but hey - why should I hurry just to be with a man? I know I need to feel like it’s totally fine to be a single mum and maybe no one is actually judgemental but it’s all in my head. I don’t know. I just wish it wouldn’t feel so weird all the time... Is it just me?..

[tiredmum2468]

@liska5
Firstly - you're doing great to hold down a job in a different county on your own with 2 kids
I'm sure if we hadn't been in a pandemic things would have been very different; hopefully things will improve soon and toy can get out and meet people.
Is there a local Facebook group or anything to join? Perhaps there's some zoom quiz nights and things going on? Xx

[PrincessTuna]

I think it's pretty typical. I dont mind being a lone parent, but sometime feel it's a massive label. I get sympathetic head tilts when people find out my situation. I also feel a bit out of place in some parties etc when it's all couples. I have one friend whose husband always misses social events and I suspect it's so I wont be the only non-couple there - bless them.

It's also natural to wonder what it would be like with a partner. Easy in some ways harder in others.

Well done by the way. You sound very brave!

[unicornsarereal72]

Be proud of what you have achieved. Those that judge are not people you want to give a second thought.

These are not normal times. And hopefully over the next few months your circle of friends will increase and become more diverse.

[Toilenstripes]

Sounds like everything is going well and you’re second guessing yourself. Lots of us do that though. Just don’t feel pressured or you might end up with someone you don’t really want. Focus on your children and get to know Switzerland!

[tiredmum2468]

And you are living in the country with the best chocolate on the planet!! X

[liska5]

Thank you, everyone, for the words of support. I try to tell myself every now and then - especially in the evening with a glass of wine after putting the kids to bed - that I’m such a badass and can do all this on my own etc. But like many of us lone parents, deep down I worry of course. I worry that I’ll just stay all alone, that if anything happens to my job that’s it - I have no idea what we’ll do (especially being in Switzerland with zero family here)... I worry that it’s been a year and I only now finally understand what my budget here really is and that the house I rented last April in the midst of the first wave is too expensive for us and we’ll have to downsize, that my kids are struggling with German and from time to time the older one blames me for pulling him away from the UK and his friends, I worry that I complain way too much to a couple of best friends (bless them, they have been supporting me so much all this time over the phone)... Anyway, I hope I’ll be indeed ok like all single mums. My older one (he’s 13) sometimes says when he’s angry that I should ‘just find a guy already’ or get back with my ex so that it’s easier and it’s not just us - I try to patiently explain to him that that’s not how it works and I won’t get together with someone just out of convenience and not love. Never thought I’d be a single mum at 41 but I guess it’s impossible to predict how life would turn out :)

[Butterflyfox]

It’s not you. It’s Switzerland. I used to live there as a single mother of two young kids. I was in a very international city but still it’s not set up for working mothers. Let alone single working mothers. Enjoy the good bits, the skiing, the safety, the four year olds walking to school alone, the chocolate, the proximity to everywhere. And remember you are a badass for managing it all