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Ex raised prohibitive steps order to stop move.. 11 miles away

(15 Posts)
Light11 Sun 22-Nov-20 04:32:20

Seriously wtaf

Has anyone been stopped from moving such a short distance ?

He wants to be the one to give permission as well rather than the court and the move would not affect arrangements (eow + 1 midweek contact)

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Please has anyone got any experiences around this?

OP’s posts: |
WindblowingSW Sun 22-Nov-20 04:39:12

I have but mine was MUCH further. I was successful.

Why are you moving? Do school or nursery places change? It very much depends on that.
In your case -just the above the court will not enjoy their application -and have expected him to talked to you first.

Light11 Sun 22-Nov-20 04:46:54

It was a surprise to me, he has asked for 50/50 access (submitted a massive rant of a c100). He house shares at the moment so not sure how he plans to make that work.

The move is financially driven, it’s not a big distance but a more affordable place (mortgage would be half of what i pay now) which means we are safer if my job is ever on the line. Also better schools/high school in the new area and we would be closer to family as well so not an unreasonable relocation at all.

I thought the courts only stop unreasonable relocations, how far was your move in terms of distance?

OP’s posts: |
MotherExtraordinaire Sun 22-Nov-20 05:25:06

Not an unreasonable move, equally as a parent with pr, it's reasonable for him to object.

Have you offered that you will be doing the additional travel, not him? Depending where you are, traffic, road types etc, 11 miles could take hugely differing amount of time from 11 minutes to hours!
Likewise, your ex may feel that moving your child's school when lo is settled, is unreasonable and not in his best interests. Fwiw, if lo has any additional needs, the court may well side with him on this issue.

Did you talk through your intentions to relocate his child beforehand?

Rainbowqueeen Sun 22-Nov-20 05:40:33

I’m getting abusive controlling vibes from him

All you can do is submit your evidence showing how it’s in your DCs best interest.
Who decided on the EOW and midweek contact? Did you agree or was it the court? If you agreed, do you have texts etc showing whose idea it was?
I’d also get evidence of travel times etc and show willing to do the additional travel.

TwylaSands Sun 22-Nov-20 05:43:16

He wants 50/50 in a house share? Wtf. Who is he sharing with?

HigherFurtherFasterBaby Sun 22-Nov-20 07:17:23

He's being ridiculous. He can't have 50/50 in a house share. If his c100 is ranty, keep yours factual.

- shorter distance
- closer to family
- better schools
- financial security
- doesn't affect current arrangements
- his current accommodation isnt suitable

Light11 Sun 22-Nov-20 09:43:32

Loving the replies thank you

The arrangements are defined by court order (I requested it after a messy start).

No i simply cannot afford not to halve my mortgage outgoings, simple as. I am happy to do whatever driving.

My position statement is factual and keeping it to the point and easy to read for a single parent to halve your outgoings is a no brainier I have discussed the move with the dad (he supported the move but is applying for the PSO because he wants to be able to give his permission-or something like that it’s such an incoherent ranty c100) and the move has been discussed with school so we can put in place a transfer plan.

He shares with randoms, friendly enough people but at the end of the day it’s still a tiny houseshare

OP’s posts: |
WindblowingSW Sun 22-Nov-20 15:48:10

Light11

It was a surprise to me, he has asked for 50/50 access (submitted a massive rant of a c100). He house shares at the moment so not sure how he plans to make that work.

The move is financially driven, it’s not a big distance but a more affordable place (mortgage would be half of what i pay now) which means we are safer if my job is ever on the line. Also better schools/high school in the new area and we would be closer to family as well so not an unreasonable relocation at all.

I thought the courts only stop unreasonable relocations, how far was your move in terms of distance?

Well your path is clear.

Reply:
Stress how the move is beneficial FOR the children. Your response should be from the children's point of view.

Closer to extended family. Childcare. Finances better, mortgage less etc. Supply ofsted reports of new schools compared to current ones etc. State your concern about safeguarding from a house share point of view.

My move was hundreds of miles. Closer to family. But I set it all out legally about a year ago in a letter -so stating why we wanted to move -no local family, poor secondary schools meaning DC had long commutes to decent schools. We lived at the time very isolated as we lived in the middle of nowhere -no buses, transport etc.

Then he didn't reply. After lockdown, June I sent another letter stating the stress at my work was high and I was looking for jobs local to my family and again laying out the advantages for the children (not me) and mentioned the impact mentally on covid etc. and I was going to start applying for jobs there and hoping to again find out how contact can work. Again he didn't reply.

We had a court hearing -although it was me that drove it as he made threats to file a prohibtive steps orders unless CMS payment were halved and access doubled. So I called his ball. He admitted in court, that me being closer to family was better for the children and game over. The judge he 100% sided with me. Contact was reduced massively from what it is currently. But the whole thing was phrased from the benefits of the kids. Outstanding schools 10 minutes away and not 90 minutes away etc.

1980north Sun 22-Nov-20 17:39:50

@WindblowingSW
Do you mind me asking what the court decided in terms of how much contact he got in your case?

I am in a similar position and was threatened with a prohibited steps order to stop me moving across the country to be nearer to family. The order never happened, it was all talk and threats, I moved but I am soon to be arranging access in court going forward. Just intrigued how much access the court will grant with their being quite a distance between both us?

WindblowingSW Sun 22-Nov-20 18:59:48

@1980north

Have sent you a message.

I'd advise lots of letters rather than court.

Make every effort to explain your actions and the benefits and the ways you are open to making it work (zoom, he can come and stay in B&B etc locally). Make sure you talk about the children's friends, hobbies and activities and the necessity to do household shopping, swimming, library, make friends, sports clubs etc. I told mine he was welcome to come down as long as he took DC to dance on a Saturday am etc.

Point out the implication of travel on THEM but how he is welcome to visit etc.

Once they are enrolled in school -it's different. Point out homework and the effect if long travel is involved at weekend etc.

WindblowingSW Sun 22-Nov-20 19:00:57

Keep your letters /emails positive and friendly "promoting a safe and positive relationship with their Dad" etc and do not promise anything you can't deliver long term. Meet half way etc.

Light11 Mon 23-Nov-20 11:14:03

@WindblowingSW thank you, that is very good objective advise. I had a similar threat about stoping CMS payments unless I changed contact.

And similarly I have called his ball and our hearing date is upcoming.

It sounds like it would have been really tough for you in the previous place with no prospects and so far away, was the absolute right thing to do.

OP’s posts: |
ArnoldBee Mon 23-Nov-20 11:46:15

My DSD moved 11 miles away which didn't seem a lot however due to medical reasons my husband is unable to drive. Due to bus routes and timetables to pick his daughter up and come back to ours under his own steam would have taken 5 hours. There was no advantage for my DSD as the schools were worse and she ended up being bullied. Her mother's own family ironically lived near us so she ended up going from lots of support to none. Husband didn't oppose it and 4 years later she's ended up coming back as she was so lonely.

Light11 Mon 23-Nov-20 12:10:23

@ArnoldBee that sounds terrible goes to show there is no standard decision when it comes to children

OP’s posts: |

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