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Child contact

(4 Posts)
pinklady179 Mon 16-Nov-20 15:21:54

I am getting divorced from my husband of 14 years and we got a preliminary decree. The man is abusive and the abuse came in all forms, physical, verbal, emotional and financial.

His behaviour just got worse in the last 2 years. We have a daughter of 9 years and he has also done bad things to her albeit not abused her physically. He would take her to meet other divorced women without my knowledge. He would threaten to harm her if she told me where she went and would tell her that its none of my business to know where she goes while she is with him. There is not consent order/contact order in place yet.

He made me take out a huge loan last year claiming he is in financial distress and borrowed money other times as well promising to return. He gave it to me in writing that he will repay the loan by paying the EMI. He made us vacate the 4-bed we own jointly saying he cannot pay the mortgage which is now rented out. I agreed and we moved to a rental property the lease on which is solely on his name. Yet he would repetaedly force me to pay half the rent which I did for the most part. He moved out in March this year and since then he'd turn up only on days when my salary is due to extrot money from me. He even physically abused me when I refused to pay. He hardly visited or spent time with our daughter.

He always threatened to end the lease on the rental property but did not do it during lockdown. He eventually ended the lease and me and my daughter were left homeless and this is what he did to us as a token of gratitude for me helping him multiple times in the past.

He now stopped paying the EMI for the loan he made me take, also pays me no child maintenace. So as per the advice of my solicitor I approached Child maintenance services and they fixed a meagre maintenance pay based on the information they have which is not accurate as I am not sure he has been declaring his income correctly. He has been avoiding them and not paying me anything.

He has not had any overnight contact with our daughter since March, and now he suddenly wants to have 10 days access to her every month to which I said I am not willing. My solicitor said I should only agree for supervised access but still I agreed for him to access her every Saturday but drop her back at night.

He has also done bad things our DD in the past. He left her in a hot car for more than hour. Would take her to pubs till late, take her to divorced women who he possibly has been wanting to have a relationship with, she said he tried to make her drink alcohol twice, he would threaten to leave her alone at home and head out if I'd head out and not come back on time. He'd not feed her properly. Drink excessively. Use dirty language in front of her, call me a prostitute in her presence.

With all this, should I allow 10 days per month of unsupervised contact? Kindly advise.

OP’s posts: |
pinklady179 Mon 16-Nov-20 15:24:25

BTW, forgot to mention, he has not repaid any money he owes me.

OP’s posts: |
Starlightstarbright1 Tue 17-Nov-20 12:39:05

You have to separate this out

The contact is just because he wants to reduce maintenance.

However.- leavevtge cms to sort iut maintenance

The debt is completely seperate.

Offer contact centre if you are concerned. It will help reestablish a relationship and won't leave her at risk. You have a duty to orotect Dd

Augustbreeze Tue 17-Nov-20 22:18:44

Presumably professionals are aware of how he's treated her??

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