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Single mum & SAHM help please

(9 Posts)
k2331 Mon 02-Nov-20 19:48:25

Hi - I have very very recently become a single mum. I also don't work anymore. I didn't go back after maternity leave because of covid but also because my child has additional needs.

DS is 14 months. Due to his condition he has global developmental delay so is more like a 7 month old than 14 month old. I did pretty much all of the parenting before anyway but since becoming a single mum I suddenly feel very lost, lonely and am struggling. I spend each day waiting for it to end and then spend every night dreading the next day.

Does anyone have any advice for me? How to get through the day? As he is delayed he doesn't do the typical things a toddler his age would do so I feel very stuck. It's as if I can't remember how I used to get through the days.

I feel awful tbh as if I'm drowning.
Just looking for any tips/advice/help to get through this? Sometimes I just can't believe this is my life.

Thank you

OP’s posts: |
calamityjam Mon 02-Nov-20 19:54:10

I'm a single mum. I was widowed when dcs were 3,5 and 9.
Give yourself a massive break. If at the end of the day you are both warm, clean and fed. You made it through, sod most of the cleaning, just do the essential stuff. Routine is a life saver on days when you have to remind yourself to put one foot in front of the other. Don't beat yourself up if you need to ask for help from friends, family or services. Lastly, I went on antidepressants for a while...it helped and yes it gets better/easier

k2331 Mon 02-Nov-20 20:52:09

@calamityjam thank you for replying and I'm sorry to hear that.
Thanks, I guess (hope) it's just going to take time. Trying to find a routine but don't know where to start. Covid/lockdown probably isn't helping x

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Mumbum2011 Mon 02-Nov-20 21:02:36

Hi op. Do you have any support from portage services?

Light11 Mon 02-Nov-20 21:26:09

Hello

Hugs to you this sounds like a difficult situation and this Covid thing is no good. I think it sounds like you have a mild depression, pardon me for being so bold but there are some supplements that could help (st John’s wort really helped me when I was feeling completely hopeless day and night) obviously please check with a doctor if ok to take.

Do you have any family or friends that you can bubble with and let some steam off? I think it’s really important to reach out, are there any online forums or clubs that you could join to speak to parents who also are going through the same medical channels?

Please don’t lose all hope this will be a tough winter but better days will come x

k2331 Mon 02-Nov-20 22:14:58

@Mumbum2011 I haven't heard of portage before, what is that? I'm in Scotland so maybe we don't have it here. He has a physio that comes once a month and a paediatrician but I've only been able to see her once because of restrictions (I assume that's the reason) Tbh I feel I've just been left to get on with it.

@Light11 thank you. I really struggled with PND after DS was born so perhaps you're right. I'll do some research into St. John's wort, thanks for recommending.
I have my mum and sister close by which is great but I'm wary about becoming a burden and I appreciate they have their own lives too so don't want to be annoying them and I don't know how they can get me through the day to day stuff. I was too scared to join any baby groups when they were open so don't have any connections there but I have found a FB group of parents with the same condition - most live in other countries. They seem to have older children (mine was diagnosed very young) but they all seem to be managing to parent whereas I feel totally lost with it all sad xx

OP’s posts: |
Light11 Mon 02-Nov-20 23:11:04

It sounds like a really tough start at least you now have a diagnosis -it’s not easy with the long dark autum and all the restrictions. So good that you have family near by, if you want to meet new people local to you you can always try things like the Nextdoor app, definitely recommend it.

I think reaching out a little doesn’t have to be a massive burden, it’s good to talk to other people if you know you are not ok as things are try make small changes like have a call with a mate or your mum or watch a funny movie or listen to a good podcast if you get a chance a little something different every day. Half an hour to yourself why not.

For me the St. John’s wort has been a god send I was too scared to go on pharmaceutical anti depressants because I just have a lot to deal with and they take some time to settle, also I thought it would be good to see within a few days if it worked or not and no big deal if you stop taking it.

Not sure if it may work for you or if it’s even appropriate to share but for me it did lift the anxiety away so I’m going to keep it taking it (one day on one day off) till spring I just decided this winter is too messed up and dark and I am on my own so if this little thing helps me keep it together it’s a good thing.

OhamIreally Mon 09-Nov-20 12:45:39

Also vitamin D might help OP especially as we head into the winter.
If you can get out in the fresh air, take your little one in his buggy to see the changing leaves etc the days may not seem quite so long.
It does seem hard on you - keep posting and do reach out to your family they wouldn't want you to be struggling like this.

k2331 Sat 14-Nov-20 22:20:04

@OhamIreally thanks for replying. I think I might call my doctor on Monday and see if there's anything that can help with the anxiety as it's becoming unbearable. Definitely going to try and make sure I get out for a walk daily, that sounds like a good plan for just now. Thank you xx

OP’s posts: |

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