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Absent Father getting in contact

(3 Posts)
Betteb Sun 04-Oct-20 08:42:54

Years ago I became pregnant due to a contraception failure, the dad tried to pressure me into an abortion but I couldn't go through with it. He was very clear that he wanted nothing to do with the baby and I last spoke to him when I was 4 months pregnant. He got married and had another child and grudgingly paid intermittent child support, but apart from that no contact. Fast forward 20 odd years and my son is a lovely young man (apparently a bit too sensitive according to some male family members) and I am always receiving compliments from people who meet him. Unfortunately he has just lost his grandad who was the male figure he was most close to. Last night a woman contacted him via social media claiming to be his 'dads' partner, saying that his dad never stopped talking about him and asking my son if he would be willing to meet him. My son has always said he wouldn't be interested, but now it has actually happened I can see he is curious.
I know this is not about me, but I can't help feeling a little hmm about it. I feel that this woman is rewriting the narrative a little, as I made it very clear at the time that the 'dad' could contact me at any time if he wanted to see his son and we have never heard a peep. Yet she is now claiming that he has been talking about constantly for the last 10 years. I am annoyed and pissed off to be honest, but can't show that to my son as I don't want to influence his decision. Sorry for the long post, but I can't talk to anyone IRL as my son as asked me not to. All opinions welcome smile

OP’s posts: |
WINDOLENE Sun 04-Oct-20 10:16:59

I'd be asking myself why dad hadn't contacted. Maybe tell the woman you'd want direct contact with ex not via her as it's a sensitive issue. Wait for ex to contact before saying anything more to your son. Tricky situation

timetest Sun 04-Oct-20 20:46:53

At 20, it is up to your son to decide how to respond. That being so, I find it strange that the partner has made contact rather than his father. I would make sure that the narrative isn’t being rewritten to make him out to be a poor man who couldn’t see his child rather than the negligent selfish git he is.

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