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Can anyone relate?

(6 Posts)
november90 Sun 13-Sep-20 07:44:18

Hi everyone... not sure what the point of this post is... maybe it's just to say it all out loud!
My husband left me at 24 weeks pregnant in jan. we have a 3.5 year old and 4 month old. He has our eldest 2 nights a week - he's always been a handful!
I'm completely over my ex. He's been extremely emotionally and finically abusive towards me, he's not made it hard for me to be at peace with the fact we're no longer romantically together!! But I just can't get over what I've lost. I thought I had my family. My family to go on holidays with, to support each other, Christmas, birthdays, photos.... I feel like I've even lost past of my eldest. He's always been a mummy's boy but I even feel like he prefers daddy time now which just breaks my heart! (Trying not to take it personally, he's 3, I know!). I'm living with my parents on UC with no savings. I always dreamed of more children and now I want that even more because of how difficult my pregnancy was and how alone I felt, but who will want me sad
I just want to say that I could to bed every single night feeling so thankful for my sons. They are my everything and I love them more then anything. But I can't stop grieving the family and the motherhood I always dreamt of, but now will never have 😢

OP’s posts: |
Dotinthecity Sun 13-Sep-20 08:13:29

It’s early days in your break up so no wonder you’re feeling emotionally bruised and sore. When my marriage ended (my daughter was 3) all I could see, everywhere I looked, was happy families living the life I’d wanted. 18 months later, I met a lovely man. We married, had more children together and have been living the happy, family life I wanted for almost 20 years now. This isn’t the end for you, it’s just the start. 💐

HPLmummy Sun 13-Sep-20 09:59:16

Hi OP, I can relate slightly, my exP and I fell pregnant after 3 years together and he just completely went off the rails and throughout my pregnancy kept changing his mind about whether he wanted to be with me/be a dad, in the end he disappeared with another woman and 13 months later has nothing to do with my LO and I. When I was pregnant, part of me was gutted that I wouldn't have him by my side and wouldn't have this family unit, wouldn't be doing it in the traditional way of getting our own home, but now hand on my heart I don't miss that or pine for a "family" - I have the perfect family just me and my son. It helps to focus on the shit they put you through - as you said your partner put you through emotional and financial stress (my exP also did that to me), imagine a future with them? Even for the children's sake - would be more harm than good arguing in front of the kids all of the time and the situations they'd get you into. Everything happens for a reason.... and living at home with your parents is a blessing in my eyes, it isn't what 'society' thinks is ideal (I can't tell you the amount of times people ask me when I'm going to move out of my mums and get a place of my own) we were abandoned by our partners? My exp doesn't even pay a penny towards me and my baby boy. In this day and age it is a struggle financially to live on your own. Living with my mum and seeing the relationship my LO and his nana have build is worth its weight in gold.
I know things may not have went to "plan" but this is your path now and it is a beautiful one. Your time can solely be focused on your children and YOU and mapping your life and not around the negativity of your exP. It's a journey and you will find your happiness. Do not let society or worrying about people's opinions or "where you should be" take away from your happiness and what you have now - your Heath, your children and a safe roof over your head. The 'perfect nuclear family' does not exist, what is perfect is being happy with exactly what you have got xx

november90 Sun 13-Sep-20 13:17:51

Thank you both for the replies ❤️
I'm sorry you've been through something similar but pleased your both in good places.
I think what I found I don't so hard is to accept that I don't get to see them every day. I'm so worried they won't want to come home sad All I've ever dreamed of is my children and I have lost so much in loosing the time with them sad
I also am so worried about the future. I'm 30 in November.. what if it's too late? I know nobody can answer these questions, but I just can seem to take any steps forward on this grief.
I'm so glad me and ex aren't together, I don't miss him at all. I just miss the family I thought I had 💔

OP’s posts: |
Dotinthecity Sun 13-Sep-20 15:30:00

Turning 30 is a bit of a milestone but with the benefit of being in my fifties, I can reassure you that it’s really young. My first marriage ended at 30 too so I can understand how you feel. It’s quite okay for you to “grieve” what you feel you should have but don’t let it consume you. Look ahead too and enjoy the positives in your life, (very easy for me to say, I know!) I felt like my world had ended but it hadn’t and I did go on to have the family life I’d always envisaged. It was a tough time for me but I came through it as did my eldest child. 💐

unicornsarereal72 Sun 13-Sep-20 18:04:11

You need time to grieve and adjust. I know you feel hurt and rejected but you have plenty of time to meet someone else and have the family unit you wish for. Even if that doesn't happen you have a family unit that can't be taken away. You will always be your little ones mum.

I'm three years down the line and at peace with my situation now. It has taken me a long time. You will get there. But there is no rush.

I'm Not far from 50. And have younger children. I often think this is it for me. And most of the time I'm ok with that. And hope a little further down the line I will meet someone else. I try not to think too far a head and live in the now.

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