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will my dp ever be the father figure for my ds that i want him to be?

(13 Posts)
juicychops Thu 04-Oct-07 22:13:47

ds has had no contact with his dad for over 1.5 years and i cant see that ever changing ( and i dont want that to ever change)

dp and i have been together nearly 2 years and he has 3 boys. he is a brilliant dad to them.

with my ds, he doesn't see him that much really, but when he does he doesn't take much interest in him other than what he has to. He's not horrible or anything like that, just uninterested like someone is when they arnt really into kids.

I think me and dp will be together for a long long time to come. When i look at the future i want more than anything for dp to become the perfect father figure for ds and to treat him more or less the same as his own boys and to care for him like his own.

i dont want ds to grow up feeling different or excluded. i know because he's told me that dp would feel like he was betraying his own kids if he had any kind of bond with my ds.

i cant help but think that if dp didn't have kids he would be a better father figure than he would be with 3 kids.

has anyone experienced these feelings?

nappyaddict Fri 05-Oct-07 00:46:05

do his kids live with you?

xXxamyxXx Fri 05-Oct-07 00:54:44

sad surly having three of his own he should know how much they need to be loved

Tinkerbel5 Fri 05-Oct-07 10:54:07

juicychops I think that your DP should be treating your son as his own, its a case of love you love your child, if he doesnt is this obvious to your son ?

juicychops Fri 05-Oct-07 18:20:29

his kids live with their mum ive not met them yet.

my dp doesn't live with me and ds. my ds is only 2.9 so he doesn't notice yet that he's not made a fuss of by dp.

but when i do finally meet his kids i dont want ds to grow up noticing he is different and odd one out.

i will always do my best to make sure he is never odd one out for not having a dad around and make sure he doesn't go without anything, but things like football and boy/dad things, surely its not the same kicking a ball around with your mum as it is your dad.

He loves football and i will always do the football stuff with him if he wants but he will see my dp with his kids and i dont want him to not make the huge effort for ds that he does for his kids

Tottie32 Fri 05-Oct-07 18:24:26

i would just be careful.... i think he should treat him well and spend time with him just be carefull how much your son depends on him


i had dd1 very young she has never seen her dad, then i met someone, we had dd2. dd1 called my exp DADDY , we then split up 2 years ago, and now exp only sees dd2, obviously sees dd1 when he picks up dd2, it has been very hard for all of us involved except exdp as he couldnt give a toss which is shocking as he and dd1 were always very close sad

MaryBleedinShelley Fri 05-Oct-07 18:25:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tottie32 Fri 05-Oct-07 18:25:43

TBH after 2 years i would have expected you all to have spent time together now, i mean his kids and your child? does he have his for the weekend?

MaryBleedinShelley Fri 05-Oct-07 18:28:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fishfingers Fri 05-Oct-07 18:28:41

Juicychops, if you and your dp have been together for so long and he cannot regard your son as if he is his own, i think you need to re-evaluate this relationship. There are few things more soul destroying fr a child than to feel not loved or wanted, or less loved than others, however subtle it is expressed.

stressteddy Fri 05-Oct-07 18:29:15

Juicy - I'm so sorry to be blunt but I can't see your situation, as you have described it, having a happy ending
It all doesn't add up to me. I'm so sorry as you sound like you love him and want a good father for your ds.
Love to you and your ds. I really hope I'm wrong

mistressmiggins Fri 05-Oct-07 20:11:57

TBH I would think hard
I have been with DP for just over a year & he definitely treats my children like his own DD. In fact, because mine are young & therefore more demanding (and cuddly) his own DD gets jealous sometimes & we have to reassure her.
I have to say that when I introduced my children to my DP, if he hadnt taken to them immediately, I would have ended it because to me its love me - love my kids. We are a package.

DP has even taken DS(5) to his swimming lesson while I stayed at my house with DD to give me a break. They seem to enjoy "boy" time together.

sad for you as doesnt sound ideal
Could you talk to DP about it?

Kewcumber Fri 05-Oct-07 20:14:33

so he has three DS's and you have one?

Do you expect to be a mother-figure for his DS's because if you don;t then I think you are expecting something that you can't give.

If what you want is primarily a father for DS then he is probably not the man for you.

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