How long does the court process take?

[Cool4Summer]

Background. Spilt up from ex, non molestation order in place, DA in the relationship.

I think he will go the legal route and take me to court! How long does this take? Will he get 50/50 custody, visitation? Its making me worry sick and I dont want him anywhere near the baby(due to the mental and sexual abuse)

[Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo]

with what you are saying the process will be quite prolonged with cafcass taking statements, possible referral to social services (on his part not yours), initial hearing, fact finding hearing, directions and then possible final hearing. Could take well over a year.

[ElephantStamping]

What he’ll get will depend massively on the situation - age of your child, current arrangement, his proposed arrangement, any safeguarding issues etc etc.

I finally completed my court case with ex a few months ago. That had Cafcass and guardian involvement, and was about a year all in all.

[Cool4Summer]

@ElephantStamping

Im currently pregnant, he will not be on the BC, no arrangement in place.

@Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo I hope thats the case as I'm worried of what will happen

[ElephantStamping]

I think if he’s not on the birth certificate, firstly he’ll have to go to court to prove the child’s parentage and then get put on the birth certificate. I don’t know much about this, but I’ve heard it can be relatively easy, depending on the circumstances. If you’re certain he’s the father and sure he’s going to apply to be added to the birth certificate, it may be worth just adding him in the first place. You can apply for child maintenance too then, if that’s relevant. It might look better for you too - the court is concerned with the child’s rights to see both their parents, I don’t know if you’d be seen as obstructive. I’d seek legal advice tbh.

But regardless, no court is going to award 50/50 custody of a newborn. The ‘standard’ is a couple of hours, once a week. Then as the child gets older, contact increases - so as a toddler, there may be a day a week, for example.

From my own experience, I was repeatedly told that the court didn’t care about how abusive he was towards me, they just cared if he was abusive towards the children (& even then, the threshold was very high - social services called the police after he assaulted our 7 year old, and the court didn’t care). I’m not saying this to scare you, just to warn/prepare you. Again though, it’ll be different with a baby.

I think the key thing to remember is that the court is basically acting for the child - their view is that the child has the right to a relationship with both parents, unless it can be proven this will have a detrimental impact on the child. The rights and wellbeing of the child is always at the centre of any proceedings.

[Starlightstarbright1]

How far gone are you?.

Any abuse get mentioned to hv.

Block him don't contact him. Hopefully he will go away.

He won't get 50/50 for a newborn, he would get contact if he took you to court. Secure up remove yourself from social media.

You will be told maintenance and contact are seperate byt do tjink if contacting the cms would make him fight for contact

[Cool4Summer]

@ElephantStamping he will have to take me to court. He is not allowed near me due to the non molestation. I am yet to press charges on the rapes/sexual assault the police are aware of this.

@Starlightstarbright1 I'm 36 weeks. Midwife,HV, police, DAA are all aware of the situation with him. I have my own DAA worker who i speak to weekly(been in contact for months).

[minnieok]

Added reason to breastfeed, if a baby is breastfed even at 18 months the court takes that into account (also better for baby and free). Advice a friend was given was not to be seen as obstructive in any way so this means informing him of the birth and basic details,telling him he can add his name to the birth certificate once you have been to the registrar, sending him photos (use a dedicated email address) etc courts recognise kids rights to see both parents. It's really tough but you have to separate your situation from your child's, but rest assured even if you bottle feed it's unusual for kids to stay overnight until 2ish unless both parents are in agreement

[dublingirl66]

Wow what a piece of work he is
Mine abused me during pregnancy
When I fled he came after me
He was on BC
Going through courts now
It's hellish

Get some legal advice
I rang a solicitor and got 30 mins free over the phone
If a non mol is in place do not contact him at all
Yes you want to seem reasonsble but he has severely abused you
Be very careful
So sorry you have been through this

Why do they do this to us when we are carrying their baby !! Like they own us
😢😢😢😢

[stargaze2]

My process took nearly two years but it ended with a positive result after a fact finding hearing. All the way through I was constantly reminded that the courts are pro contact with the father. But the court sided with me in the end and a no contact order was placed. It is unusual for this to happen but don't totally give up hope

[Cool4Summer]

@minnieok I am planning to BF(he told me i was not allowed due to men looking at me). I am not contacting him due to the non molestation order. I dont think that would seem obstructive giving the circumstances.

@dublingirl66 this is just background let alone the other things he has done. Ive had my locks changed and alarms, I'm not staying at my home because of circumstances surrounding him. Ive told the MW, HV etc. He has told me numerous times if he cant have me, no one else can. I think hes going to do something to me once I've the baby I'm petrified of him. We've spilt up but he's still controlling me.

[Cool4Summer]

@stargaze2 that would of been a relief. I am almost certain he will get a sexual harm prevention order in place once I press charges. Hopefully that will stop him.

[Hormonecrazyhell]

Can’t you move away and start again? hopefully he’ll never be bothered enough to try and find you

[Cool4Summer]

@Hormonecrazyhell I wish I could. Its not as simple. I am going to be moving within the year though.

[stargaze2]

It was a huge relief and it came down to something he said during the hearing. A family judge doesn't just go by evidence.
Is there any where you can move to where you will feel safe?

[dublingirl66]

Poor you what a man

We live in such fear
Especially being vulnerable

I fled so many times under so much pressure I don't know how I didn't go into early labour

It's so hard
Stay strong
Do not answer his messages
Do not fall for his tricks

You owe him. Nothing

Let him take you to court if he dares
You stand tall and tell the whole truth
Tell your story and how you will be protecting you and your innocent child

[Cool4Summer]

@stargaze2 he is very plausible and very cunning. I told the officer he reminds me of Ted Bundy. Very likeable, intelligent but under all there is something sinister. I hope you dont mind me asking but was there DA in the relationship?

@dublingirl66 I was in hosptial last week for 2 days, then I got discharged then 2 days later I was back. I think I'll have him early due to the stress.

I am not contacting him, he will have to take me to court. If he has contact with DS. I fear he would turn into him/spit lies about me. Thinking that its okay to mentally and sexually abuse women.

[Cool4Summer]

@stargaze2 I am currently at my parents. He knows where they live but under the non molestation order it states any know location I could be living, so if he did come here I would dial 999 immediately.

[stargaze2]

Im glad you are with your parents but if you feel unsafe at all then you must call the police.
My children's father was the same, you would never think he was that type of person. I'm hoping in your case he will give up and not take you to court. But if he does then an experienced judge will have seen it all before

[dublingirl66]

Thinking of you and wishing you the best

You can get through this

Engage with all the amazing agencies that can help

Keep a timeline
Clear facts
Remember you want this baby to be safe so if anyone pushes for immediate contact get legal advice ASAP

Stay away and he may stay away long term ??! Hope he does
Poor you

Wish I was as brave as you
I ploughed on and got abused more and more even while heavily pregnant
I didn't think anyone would believe me so I said nothing

Best of luck ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[tillypoppy]

My case started when my baby was 6 months old, when he realised I wasn’t going to let him see her without an order. It’s still going now and she is 2. It’s been delayed due to covid though.

What I would say that in my case the family judge was very much interested only in evidence when it came to abuse. Even with a previous admission from him he managed to talk his way out of it. My judge found no abuse had occurred.

So I would say get all the evidence you can. Press charges. It all helps, and get social services on side from day 1. Don’t take that for granted because truly they are the ones in charge. Mine was two faced initially when gathering initial information and I was sucked into believing she was on my side so I didn’t show her all my evidence. It was a bad start as she went against me from the beginning and the judge put a lot of weight on her opinion.

Even so, I’ve never stopped saying I believe he is a risk to my child. Which means social services have been very very cautious with contact. I will never go against a court order but I will stand by what I know is true.

Stick to your gut, be child focussed, gather evidence and when you do get a summons get legal aid. Your dv support worker will help you with that. It’s a slog, but life carries on around it all. It won’t run your life and whatever the outcome you will cope x