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Dad has never bothered but his recent ex wants our children to meet

(13 Posts)
Sweeze88 Fri 14-Aug-20 20:45:04

My son is now 8 he has a half sibling on his dads side who he's never known but attends the same school this child's mother now wants our children to meet and form a relationship, my son has never known his dad as his dad has never wanted too not that I haven't tried over the years this sibling of my son has a relationship with said dad and now the mother of the child thinks our children should meet any advice is welcome as I'm on the fence and don't know what to do for the best interest of my son thanks in advance x

OP’s posts: |
Feralkidsatthecampsite Fri 14-Aug-20 20:48:14

Imo she should have made sure the ex was a df to both ds's from day 1..
Bit late now imo.
I would doubt her motives.
Def not for your ds's benefit.

BewareTheBeardedDragon Fri 14-Aug-20 22:24:19

They go to the same school but don't know they're siblings? How long have they been at the same school, if I've understood that correctly? It sounds very very tricky because there is a high possibility of your ds feeling upset when he knows that his half sibling sees his dad when he doesn't. I guess it might jolt his dad into developing a relationship with him finally, but that's not a given. It seems awkward though, if they are at school together and you keep their being family a secret.

GetThatHelmetOn Sat 15-Aug-20 12:47:26

I’m with @BewareTheBeardedDragon, but if he ya not bothered to get in touch I doubt VERY much, he will get in touch with him just because the kids know each other.

I would tell the mum that I appreciate her interest but, to avoid your son ending up feeling more rejected, you prefer to keep him in the dark about them being half brothers unless the dad is involved.

Would you imagine how your child would feel having dad picking up sibling from school while ignoring him? Kids do not need that.

Feralkidsatthecampsite Sat 15-Aug-20 13:43:09

I would be very interested to hear what justification he gave her about why he isn't a df to your ds...

missbipolar Sat 15-Aug-20 13:51:13

Love how yet again a woman is getting the blame for something a man's done 😂

I wouldn't pursue a relationship personally op, when your ds is old enough id give him all the facts and let him make his own mind up but not yet

GetThatHelmetOn Sat 15-Aug-20 15:46:10

Imo she should have made sure the ex was a df to both ds's from day 1..

You can take a horse to the water but you cannot get him to drink. <— applies to people too. She sounds decent to me though.

GlacindaTheTroll Sat 15-Aug-20 15:52:19

As they're at the same school and only one of them knows they are half siblings, I think you have a disaster waiting to happen

Much better that both boys know, and that they find out in a way that you can ensure is appropriate and well supported.

zafferana Sat 15-Aug-20 15:57:12

Do they know they're siblings OP?
Does the school know they're siblings?
If my DS was at school with a DC who is his half-sibling I would definitely want him to know. The last thing you need is the sibling telling others and your DS finding out that way.
As to whether they should meet - it's totally up to you.

RedRumTheHorse Sat 15-Aug-20 15:59:32

I worked with someone who at primary school at aged 9 talked to another boy in the year below and realised they had the same dad and so were half siblings. 20 years later they still have a strong relationship and babysit for each others children.

I would tell your DS he has a half-sibling through his dad and see whether he is interested in knowing who they are. If he is get them to meet at school, then you and the other child's mother should keep out of it.

Fatted Sat 15-Aug-20 16:03:22

I feel so sorry for your DS OP. My eldest isn't much younger and I can't imagine DH having had nothing to do with him and then going on to have another DC in the same time. Locally as well!

Usually I'd say don't let them meet, but it is likely that they will find out at school anyway. So perhaps mention it to DS and see how he feels about it.

MusicWithRocksIn1t Sat 15-Aug-20 18:33:57

Did she say why she's suddenly interested to let them have a relationship now?

BewareTheBeardedDragon Sat 15-Aug-20 19:40:29

I'm finding it hard to see why she would want them to meet for some nefarious reason - what would that be? Seems more likely that she's realised that her dc might end up being hurt if he finds out on a roundabout it way as other posters have said.

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