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Suspect ex-H has been drink driving(2 Posts)
Looking for some advice please. Sorry, it is long.
I suspect my ex husband has been drink driving with our children in the car (age 6 and 8). He had taken the children to his parents house where he is living currently (approximately 3hr drive away). We had an agreement that he would return the children on Friday afternoon. My parents were picking us up that evening as we had family plans the next day (DN’s birthday) and I don’t have a car.
After they didn’t show up I eventually got through to him at 7pm that day, he sounded as though he had been drinking. He said DD who is autistic had had a meltdown over getting in the car that afternoon and he would get them to me for 10am the next day and then take us over to my parents (a 1.5hr drive away). DD denies that happened. He obviously had no intention of returning them that afternoon.
He sent me a message at 7.27am saying they were on their way (usually a 3 hour drive). I wasn’t worried about him driving as I assumed he would have stopped drinking knowing he had to drive early. They arrived at 12.45pm. He said they had got stuck in traffic due to an accident. The left hand car side step and back bumper was damaged. DD8 later told me they had been in a crash that morning and that ‘Daddy drove into the railings on the side of the road’.
He proceeded to spend the next hour and a half in the bathroom claiming he had a bad stomach. I now think he must have had a severe hangover and been over the limit whilst driving that morning. I left the house at 2.30 to take the children to my parents (by tube and train). He was still in the bathroom at my house but said he was ok and did not need any help.
Around 6pm my friend went to check if he was still in the house. He was asleep on the sofa and had been drinking my whisky. He denied that he had been drinking and claimed I must have left the bottle by the sofa. It was locked in my drinks cabinet. At 8pm my neighbour informed me his car was no longer there.
I did not know his registration number or time of leaving to report this at the time and at that point my daughter had not told us about the accident that morning.
I also have reason to believe he was involved in a drink driving incident in January this year where he wrote off his car and 2 parked cars, one belonging to a friend of mine. I found this out yesterday. They didn’t tell me at the time as I was under a lot of stress with the FDR coming up. Ex-H claimed he looked at his phone as it beeped and lost control of the car.
Today DD and DS have told me that their Dad is always napping and sometimes didn’t get up until mid-afternoon. Their grandparents were up so no safety concerns but it’s not ideal.
Obviously I am concerned for my children’s safety when in the car with him and they are meant to go for a week’s holiday with him soon. He usually has them EoW and occasional weeks in the school holidays. This is an agreement between us not court.
Any advice on what I can do with regards to access while I have these concerns, how to broach it with him and any help either me or he could be signposted to?
He didn’t drink and drive during our 10 year relationship. He’s not been paid for his job in the last couple of months which is why he’s moved back in with his parents (so isn’t paying any maintenance). I think he might be spiralling into depression hence the suspected heavy drinking and stupid decision making now. He’s always been a bit selfish but this is next level and is putting the children at risk.
I have filed a report with the police but I don’t think they’ll be able to do anything after the fact and I have no concrete proof.
Advice from my solicitor in a similar situation is that you need to directly ask 'Have you been drinking and then driven the car with the DC in it?'.
If he denies it you are in tricky situation ( as I was) you have no actual evidence to stop contact you need to keep monitoring.
Ultimately in my situation he was arrested for DD ( only a little bit - my solicitor found out three times over the limit) and then I stopped midweek contact and he obviously never drove. As is often the case these situations spiral he lost his job, drank more got frustrated and ended up verbally abusing DC and this was enough to stop contact for a few months. Then I was expected to assist restarting contact first supervised, then unsupervised in public place to gradually build to EOW contact.
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