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Anyone else's ex dropped overnight contact since lockdown?

(10 Posts)
YourHandInMyHand Fri 07-Aug-20 11:28:25

My ex hasnt had DS overnight since Mid March.

His wife has diabetes and I was understanding that at first this was classed as high risk (it is no longer in the clinically vulnerable list or the high risk list) and encouraged ds to Skype.

DS has asd and adhd among other things and usually attends a specialist school.

Since lockdown he's been at home 24/7. No school, no time out with his carer and no time with his dad.

About 3 weeks ago I asked ex if he'd be starting up some contact again when he let slip he'd been back at work for 5 weeks, and since then he's taken him out for a short walk once a week.

I've just asked him again if they have a plan or thoughts on when overnights at his house will resume and he made a load of excuses and said nope still not happening for the foreseeable.

I'm really annoyed.

His parenting is already paltry. Before lockdown he was down to having him one night a week. Picks up after I've fed him his tea and drops off the next day right at 9:30am. 🙄 Contact has dwindled down and down over the years and is now at this.

Are all non resident parents not doing overnights? What have others got happening contact wise?

OP’s posts: |
YourHandInMyHand Sat 08-Aug-20 11:57:10

Bump

OP’s posts: |
My2catsarefab Sat 08-Aug-20 13:44:19

My DD's dad hasn't seen her since 1st Feb. 2 phone calls at start of lockdown and that's it. But then again this is from a man who cut contact from every Saturday afternoon to once a fortnight 'because the petrol costs too much'. He lives 20 minutes away.

JulyBreeze Sat 08-Aug-20 15:39:26

I think the vast majority of child contact is continuing as per the government advice!

But I also think that many selfish parents are using Covid as an excuse, to "get their way", whether that means they see more or less of their DCs.

It will be interesting to see what happens when/ if those parents who put their children's needs first get lawyers involved and/or cases reach the courts.

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 09-Aug-20 09:26:06

Does that level of contact actually benefit your son? I appreciate you may also want a break, but some times the no contact and therefore consistency from you is more beneficial. The uncertainty of will Dad turn up if so when can be really unsettling for some children.

Shamin Wed 19-Aug-20 20:39:05

Hi. Yes. My children’s father stopped seeing them at the very start of lockdown saying he was in contact with his sister who was high risk making him too risky to be around his children. Trying to explain that he was allowed to see the kids but not his sister was met with attacks on me for being a bad mum thinking of myself whilst he was merely trying to be a good dad.

After 2 months and much talk (and abuse) I’ve told him he will need to seek mediation or a court order to see the children as we cannot agree terms of access. I just wrote the full story in a separate thread. For the record, he does want to now see them as per the previous agreement we had but it was one that was becoming increasingly unacceptable to me before lockdown. His use of the pandemic to avoid his responsibilities was the final straw for me.

PamDemic Wed 19-Aug-20 20:46:14

mine didn't see the kids at all during lockdown either - not even for a couple of hours a week, let alone overnight. He took them away for a week last week. Still hasn't arranged to see them regularly since.

he told me at the beginning of lockdown that I was on my own. And I was. Bastard.

LittleSarah Wed 19-Aug-20 21:04:45

Hey, I totally get why you are annoyed.

My ex is pretty good and reliable but decided it would be sensible not to have dd1 (16) over lockdown. There was no specific reason or risk and tbh I thought it was weird/cold.

I don't think dd minded really, she prefers it here, but I minded on her behalf! smile

Since things have eased she has been going every other weekend as before, and they went away to his family holiday home for a week in July, so he has not been too bad really.

But I just wanted to post to say that I get your frustration, I would never have willingly given up contact for three months when the government said it was ok and risk (of that contact), so minimal.

Shamin Wed 19-Aug-20 21:05:47

I’m really sorry to hear that. How awful. I think the only way I coped was my partner quit his job and moved in during the pandemic to help care with the kids. I do sorry that you went through that all alone. If you had a court order in place he wouldn’t be able to do that - I’m guessing he wouldn’t agree to mediation or seek a court order. Bastard indeed. There’s lots of them out there!

slipperywhensparticus Wed 19-Aug-20 21:12:10

My kids started showing symptoms two weeks before lockdown my ex decided him and his girlfriend had full blown covid were possibly going to be hospitalised etc etc he didn't call or anything the whole time they were sick occasionally text during lockdown then he decided a couple of weeks ago he wanted to see tbem again twice a week for an HOUR and he has hardly turned up

What a fucking Prince 👏👏

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