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Will the kids father ever change

(13 Posts)
nicola9440 Sat 18-Jul-20 10:58:05

Long story short me and the kids father have been together 5 years on and off he is a strong cannabis smoker and he's always put that before his needs,
About 3 months ago I got fed up and told him to stop smoking so much and he made the choice to up and leave me and his two kids
He then met another woman who had a young baby under 1 and they have been seeing each other and now moving in together is this normal?
I wouldn't move a man in after 2 months...
The I've had a lot of abuse with the kids father when he can't get a smoke he turned nasty to me and he's spat at me and called me a lot of nasty names
He's now told me he wants nothing to do with his kids but he's now looking after a child that isn't his? I can't get my head around it it's crazy
He's telling me his new woman makes him smoke as much as he wants and she doesn't take money of her child's father like what I'm doing to him and she's much better I feel absolutely shitsad

OP’s posts: |
COS2102 Sat 18-Jul-20 11:51:26

If he wants nothing to do with the kids then why is he talking to you? I would just ignore him and leave him to mess his life up. You focus on you and the kids and make sure you're giving them the best life that you can

nicola9440 Sat 18-Jul-20 12:57:56

He's always messaging me asif we are still together the way he speaks to me is asif we are still in a relationship he's a very strange person. The girl once messaged me asking me if she could have my kids at there's and she wouldn't hurt them and she would take care of them like their her own.
Super wierd I won't be allowing a woman who I don't know around my kids.
And he's not been a good father around my kids he's always ignoring my eldest when he's upset and can't get to smoke weed

OP’s posts: |
COS2102 Sat 18-Jul-20 16:45:09

I'm all for positive step-parent role models who are happy to take kids on but if she is allowing the kids' father to do drugs then she isn't really keeping them safe. Don't reply to him when he messages unless he is making a reasonable request in relation to seeing the kids. You've made it clear that you want him to stop doing drugs in order to be a better dad but if he wont do that then that's his problem and not yours. Hopefully if you ignore him then he'll eventually get the picture!

PumpkinP Sat 18-Jul-20 18:31:36

Tbf I don’t think you can judge her, you stayed with him and had kids with him knowing what he is like so I don’t think it’s fair to judge the other woman for also putting up with it, if he doesn’t want to see your kids then I would be happy if he was abusive I wouldn’t want him seeing my kids if I was you anyway.

nicola9440 Sat 18-Jul-20 19:26:52

To pumpkin p
I don't feel like I'm judging her but she also smokes weed so why should I allow them around my kids?
They both live in another city from me now
I cannot trust them both around my kids

OP’s posts: |
nicola9440 Sat 18-Jul-20 19:27:47

PumpkinP

Tbf I don’t think you can judge her, you stayed with him and had kids with him knowing what he is like so I don’t think it’s fair to judge the other woman for also putting up with it, if he doesn’t want to see your kids then I would be happy if he was abusive I wouldn’t want him seeing my kids if I was you anyway.


Read above 😊

OP’s posts: |
nicola9440 Sat 18-Jul-20 19:27:57

PumpkinP

Tbf I don’t think you can judge her, you stayed with him and had kids with him knowing what he is like so I don’t think it’s fair to judge the other woman for also putting up with it, if he doesn’t want to see your kids then I would be happy if he was abusive I wouldn’t want him seeing my kids if I was you anyway.


Read above 😊

OP’s posts: |
Sunnydayshereatlast Sat 18-Jul-20 19:28:26

I would report her to ss and keep my dc away full stop.

nicola9440 Sat 18-Jul-20 19:30:52

COS2102

I'm all for positive step-parent role models who are happy to take kids on but if she is allowing the kids' father to do drugs then she isn't really keeping them safe. Don't reply to him when he messages unless he is making a reasonable request in relation to seeing the kids. You've made it clear that you want him to stop doing drugs in order to be a better dad but if he wont do that then that's his problem and not yours. Hopefully if you ignore him then he'll eventually get the picture!


Yes me too but she also smokes weed. She has issues with her child's father too so i won't be allowing my kids around that mess
And she doesn't want him to visit his children who loves 2hours away.. before he met her he would visit them now he's with her she's not allowing him unless they go to her flat with him

OP’s posts: |
Mintjulia Sun 19-Jul-20 08:56:55

Op, your ex is an habitual drug user. He’s walked away from his dcs and said he doesn’t want anything to do with them.

That seems pretty straightforward to me. You and the children are well rid of him. You deserve better.No decent father would say that about his own dcs.

Don’t let them go and stay, they wouldn’t be safe. Arrange access via a grandparent or a contact centre if he asks for it.

No dad is better than a bad dad. It’s a horrible situation but at least you are all free of him now.

nicola9440 Sun 19-Jul-20 09:52:47

Mintjulia

Op, your ex is an habitual drug user. He’s walked away from his dcs and said he doesn’t want anything to do with them.

That seems pretty straightforward to me. You and the children are well rid of him. You deserve better.No decent father would say that about his own dcs.

Don’t let them go and stay, they wouldn’t be safe. Arrange access via a grandparent or a contact centre if he asks for it.

No dad is better than a bad dad. It’s a horrible situation but at least you are all free of him now.


Your absolutely right, had a message from him yesterday to tell my children that he's dead... told his mother his mums spoken to him about using such horrible words and he's told me he's told his mum to fuck off and she cannot tell him what to do.
He has no respect for the kids or his mum,
I've blocked him now because he stresses me out too much.

OP’s posts: |
user9274672893 Sun 19-Jul-20 09:57:07

Women's Aid and Freedom Programme.

It's scary you needed to ask if any of this was normal.

He's an abuser. It's good that he's gone. Hopefully he stays gone. But your kids will need support to recover from living in this abusive environment and in coping with being rejected by a parent.

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