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Is this harassment - DS father

(9 Posts)
cookiesmumma Thu 09-Jul-20 19:58:13

I split up with my DS father six years ago now, he's been with the same woman since who is so unfriendly and rude towards my son and has two of her own children who live with my ex.
A bit of context into his character. My ex moved 200 miles away from us yet has lied on an ongoing basis to the courts and csa. Earns "£5k" a year self employed despite new cars every six months and a two story house extension, exotic holidays.... so he doesn't have to pay for our son. He applied to stop me moving by making a court application saying I didn't have enough friends, only sees our son in the school holidays. It was his turn to have DS at Easter for one week and he refused saying "Covid" meant he shouldn't collect him. He then said he would have him for a Minimum of one month or until lockdown ends - which he knew I would refuse and is against the court order (which he made). He goes between calling every day for a week to not calling my son for a month. My son has aspergers and he refuses to believe it. When my son spends time with his father he won't speak to me for approx a week each time he returns home.
I had a call from social services today to say my ex has reported me for travelling to my mums house in lockdown and I had put my son at risk.
I have to work from home and also have chrones disease so needed the extra support.
Social services have told him to take the matter up with the police as they don't have Welfare concerns.
My son is distressed at the thought of going to his father and the routine is a struggle because of his autism.
This behaviour is typical of my ex as I sent him a message raising concerns about his partner and said I would report her to the relevant authorities if her behaviour continues.
This has gone on and on for years and I feel like there's no escape. He's now saying he will see our son in the summer. He's meant to have him for 1 week and then two weeks at the end. He's now saying he wants him for the whole time or nothing. Last summer he didn't return him for a week after the court order stated and I was so distressed. He cuts off contact when my son is with him.
Does this constitute as harassment? He set the order yet refuses agreed contact, doesn't return my son when he should and then demands a whole month plus which he knows I would never allow.

OP’s posts: |
cookiesmumma Thu 09-Jul-20 20:00:03

cookiesmumma

I split up with my DS father six years ago now, he's been with the same woman since who is so unfriendly and rude towards my son and has two of her own children who live with my ex.
A bit of context into his character. My ex moved 200 miles away from us yet has lied on an ongoing basis to the courts and csa. Earns "£5k" a year self employed despite new cars every six months and a two story house extension, exotic holidays.... so he doesn't have to pay for our son. He applied to stop me moving by making a court application saying I didn't have enough friends, only sees our son in the school holidays. It was his turn to have DS at Easter for one week and he refused saying "Covid" meant he shouldn't collect him. He then said he would have him for a Minimum of one month or until lockdown ends - which he knew I would refuse and is against the court order (which he made). He goes between calling every day for a week to not calling my son for a month. My son has aspergers and he refuses to believe it. When my son spends time with his father he won't speak to me for approx a week each time he returns home.
I had a call from social services today to say my ex has reported me for travelling to my mums house in lockdown and I had put my son at risk.
I have to work from home and also have chrones disease so needed the extra support.
Social services have told him to take the matter up with the police as they don't have Welfare concerns.
My son is distressed at the thought of going to his father and the routine is a struggle because of his autism.
This behaviour is typical of my ex as I sent him a message raising concerns about his partner and said I would report her to the relevant authorities if her behaviour continues.
This has gone on and on for years and I feel like there's no escape. He's now saying he will see our son in the summer. He's meant to have him for 1 week and then two weeks at the end. He's now saying he wants him for the whole time or nothing. Last summer he didn't return him for a week after the court order stated and I was so distressed. He cuts off contact when my son is with him.
Does this constitute as harassment? He set the order yet refuses agreed contact, doesn't return my son when he should and then demands a whole month plus which he knows I would never allow.


Sorry for such a long post.
I've tried for so long for them to have regular contact which my ex refused. Everything is a game and it's obvious he has no genuine care for his son, it's all malice to hurt me.

OP’s posts: |
Sunnydayshereatlast Thu 09-Jul-20 20:04:10

No expert but surely taking your ds's condition into account( as df isn't catering for his needs) would back to court be best - if ex initiates it post stopping contact.. ..
How old is ds? Maybe his wishes will now be taking into account.
Sounds very distressing for him - and you.

cookiesmumma Thu 09-Jul-20 20:49:27

Sunnydayshereatlast

No expert but surely taking your ds's condition into account( as df isn't catering for his needs) would back to court be best - if ex initiates it post stopping contact.. ..
How old is ds? Maybe his wishes will now be taking into account.
Sounds very distressing for him - and you.


The ex sets the court order and breaks it. DS has just turned 10 years old. I wanted them to have fortnightly contact given DS need for routine but ex refused.
Ex's partner says things like "he's your son, you sort him out" "he's not my problem" in front of DS which has upset him. They take away his comforts of his iPad to contact me and his teddy which he has every day at home.
When it was possible (laws have changed now( he used to get legal aid due to a "low income" whilst I was paying £200 ph for legal costs. Social services told me today to get a lawyer.... it's an endless spiral of spending imo.

OP’s posts: |
cookiesmumma Thu 09-Jul-20 20:51:50

Sunnydayshereatlast

No expert but surely taking your ds's condition into account( as df isn't catering for his needs) would back to court be best - if ex initiates it post stopping contact.. ..
How old is ds? Maybe his wishes will now be taking into account.
Sounds very distressing for him - and you.


Re the courts - he initiated all court processes we must have been 10 times in 6/7 years, he produces fake documents such as theatre tickets he's "booked for our son" when they belong to his partners children and our son was left at home, receipts for holidays which were never booked, when he realises anything is an inconvenience to me. He's managed to get £600 a year of special expenses allowed with CSA as he submitted hotel stays with his girlfriend and for a stag do and pretended it was essential for collecting our son when he didn't even have him.

OP’s posts: |
Sunnydayshereatlast Thu 09-Jul-20 21:39:59

Personally I would stop ds going. Adding positives to a dc's life is the point of contact and he adds naff all except upset.
At 10 /11 his wishes and feelings will count..

cookiesmumma Thu 09-Jul-20 22:54:16

Sunnydayshereatlast

Personally I would stop ds going. Adding positives to a dc's life is the point of contact and he adds naff all except upset.
At 10 /11 his wishes and feelings will count..


Thank you so much for the response. That's the feeling of my family. It causes so much anxiety for myself and DS because I worry he won't be returned and we won't have any contact. The pull is I feel I'm depriving him of a father. I'm considering applying for a restraining order.

OP’s posts: |
PrudyPayntersBlouse Thu 09-Jul-20 23:00:27

I would also consider whether DS wants to keep going or not, as it sounds like going back to court won't change anything. I had the same problem myself, we had to work out with the help of court what a reasonable schedule was for visitation but he got out of having my child because he was too busy going to music and beer festivals. He must be absolutely stupid to think people wouldn't tell me where he really was when he was "ill" or "at a funeral".

cookiesmumma Thu 09-Jul-20 23:28:49

PrudyPayntersBlouse

I would also consider whether DS wants to keep going or not, as it sounds like going back to court won't change anything. I had the same problem myself, we had to work out with the help of court what a reasonable schedule was for visitation but he got out of having my child because he was too busy going to music and beer festivals. He must be absolutely stupid to think people wouldn't tell me where he really was when he was "ill" or "at a funeral".


Thank you so much. I wasn't sure if there was an age they did take the children's view into account. My concern is they are malicious and have shown themselves to be devious again and again, his partner is a social worker and questions my son intensively - I've never seen such a cold hearted person her job considered. all of his family and friends stalk my social media and gain access despite me being private.

OP’s posts: |

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