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Help? Shocked and need advice

(22 Posts)
BubblesAndBabys Tue 07-Jul-20 09:52:42

Hi all,

My partner has decided he wants to separate.
He has bought a house (3 bedroom house) we initially thought we would be all be moving together but soon as it went through and mortgage accepted a few weeks ago he said he he will be moving alone.. he had this plan all along which I find really upsetting and deceptive. I had been really excited and was planning on decorating my daughters room in the new house so it's all just a shock to me!

He will help pay rent on the house we live in at the moment for 2 months and then I need to find alternative accommodation for me and my 2yr old daughter!!

Any advice for me? I am self employed with a turnover of approx 14k a year before tax!

I haven't claimed any benefits ever so I don't know where to start, but I understand I can't claim until he actually moves out into his own house (which is next month)

Also any advice on how I explain things to my 2.5yr old daughter that daddy won't be here anymore? And they will be two houses she lives in?

Thanks all in advance!
Xx

OP’s posts: |
unicornsarereal72 Tue 07-Jul-20 14:06:16

One thing at a time.

Housing. Speak to your local team. Some area have housing stock. But they also will have deposit schemes etc that you can tap into.

CMS. Get on to this. See what the calculators says he should be paying to support your dd moving forward.

UC takes 5 weeks to get first instalment. So get on to this now.

As your DD is so little I am sure she will adapted quickly. Keep it simple daddy lives in his house now. He loves you lots and will see u on x

Contact. Agree how this is going to look moving forward.

Gather good people around you and be prepared for him not to follow through on whatever he promises.

Maybell345 Wed 08-Jul-20 19:23:26

Be very aware that once you set a precedent for contact it is extremely hard to go back ie if you let STBEx have her over nights expect that to continue

Starlightstarbright1 Wed 08-Jul-20 23:02:44

Know he is not your friend . You can start a claim when you separate as a couple .

Do not trust a word he has said . Is it only him on the mortgage?

I would talk to Uc.

Polly111 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:58:53

Are you married op? If so and you can afford the payments I’d be moving in there instead of ex. Are you down on the mortgage or anything?

It’s awful what he’s done, but I wouldn’t worry too much about your dd, at that age they adapt quite easily. Just try and big up the positives eg isn’t it great that you now have two bedrooms etc, even if you don’t feel that way.

Get onto universal credit, council tax for single person reduction and cms ASAP. You may be able to afford to stay in the current rental property with some top ups.

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn Fri 10-Jul-20 21:10:20

I'm sorry op no advice but what a fucking twat he is.

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn Sat 11-Jul-20 09:25:39

Hope you get some more replies today op

BubblesAndBabys Sat 11-Jul-20 09:53:02

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn

Hope you get some more replies today op


Thank you sweetie! ❤️

OP’s posts: |
BubblesAndBabys Sat 11-Jul-20 09:54:58

Polly111

Are you married op? If so and you can afford the payments I’d be moving in there instead of ex. Are you down on the mortgage or anything?

It’s awful what he’s done, but I wouldn’t worry too much about your dd, at that age they adapt quite easily. Just try and big up the positives eg isn’t it great that you now have two bedrooms etc, even if you don’t feel that way.

Get onto universal credit, council tax for single person reduction and cms ASAP. You may be able to afford to stay in the current rental property with some top ups.


I am not married hun, or down on the mortgage.

He told us initially we would all move together then once his mortgage was accepted he told me that he will be moving alone!
After watching me for weeks get excited about decorating my daughters room in the new house!

It's just a big shock! X

OP’s posts: |
happyjack12 Sat 11-Jul-20 10:03:04

I'd probably repost this in relationships for more traffic x

Rhubardandcustard Sat 11-Jul-20 10:11:44

Not clear from your post- is your partner your dd dad?
How long have you been living together?
Think you need legal advice ASAP.
Don’t agree to anything he is saying- custody wise, finance wise etc. Just say I will seek legal advice and do it!

BubblesAndBabys Sat 11-Jul-20 10:21:53

Rhubardandcustard

Not clear from your post- is your partner your dd dad?
How long have you been living together?
Think you need legal advice ASAP.
Don’t agree to anything he is saying- custody wise, finance wise etc. Just say I will seek legal advice and do it!


Hi hunni

Yes he is my daughters dad.

X thanks for your advice xx

OP’s posts: |
sleepyhead Sat 11-Jul-20 10:56:12

He needs to pay child support for his daughter but the length of time he has her at his house will be taken into consideration.

He doesnt need to give you anything as youre not married.

As you're no longer living as a couple (even though you're still sharing a house) you can claim now and should do.

lifestooshort123 Sat 11-Jul-20 11:27:56

What a deceitful way to behave! Weren't you suspicious when he didn't ask you to sign any legal stuff or did you know all along the house would be only his? What a shit flowers

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Sat 11-Jul-20 11:29:36

flowers

7yo7yo Sat 11-Jul-20 11:31:33

He had a hidden agenda all along.
Get your ducks in a row I.E. benefits, CMS and kick him out. If the house isn’t ready that’s tough shit and his problem.
Do not give him any information and make sure he doesn’t take anything that belongs to you or has sentimental value. I’d actually hide it in someone else’s house.

What a cunt.

Rhubardandcustard Sat 11-Jul-20 11:56:14

Ignore the poster about you are not married you won’t get anything.

You’ve been living together and have a child doesn’t matter that you aren’t married

The courts have the power to make arrangements that allow one parent to benefit from financial support from another to ensure that the housing needs of a child or children are met. When determining whether a parent should be awarded financial provision, the court will take into account a number of factors, including:

How much each parent currently earns
Each parent’s responsibilities — including those to any other children
The child’s financial requirements
Whether the child is disabled
The child’s education (either current or intended).

Please get legal advice ASAP.

VanGoghsDog Sat 11-Jul-20 12:02:50

Ignore the poster about you are not married you won’t get anything.

It meant the only support will be for the child, not for the op personally, no spousal maintenance only child maintenance. Which is correct.

StuffThem Sat 11-Jul-20 12:06:06

What does the rental contract say? He may not be able to waltz off in just 2 months.

VanGoghsDog Sat 11-Jul-20 12:20:30

StuffThem

What does the rental contract say? He may not be able to waltz off in just 2 months.

Since he's bought a house they were all due to move into, I expect notice has been served.

lilmishap Sun 19-Jul-20 04:09:01

He will help pay rent on the house we live in at the moment for 2 months and then I need to find alternative accommodation for me and my 2yr old daughter

Do you have this in writing or is he paying it upfront/in advance? get it upfront/in advance

lilmishap Sun 19-Jul-20 04:10:47

You can't trust anything he says and you don't need the extra hassle of debts right now.

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