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Lockdown Wierdness

(6 Posts)
Meanderer Thu 02-Jul-20 00:07:58

Anyone here normally amicable with ex but things have gone to shit in lockdown?
We have had a great coparenting relationship for five years since splitting up, even the 2 years I was with someone else my ex was great about nearly everything. But recently we’ve twice had a row and then he’s refused to make up for weeks (this latest is over 3 weeks and counting) I’m wondering is it The Covid effect? Or maybe it’s just to do with our Teen daughter growing up?

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Meanderer Thu 02-Jul-20 00:09:25

NB we still talk about parenting matters, and fine if simple logistics but if there needs to be any debate,total shutdown

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Mintjulia Thu 02-Jul-20 11:10:21

OP, you have my sympathy, I don't think you are alone. Covid has brought out the selfishness in Disney parents. They can't swan in and dazzle with money, they have to engage personally with their children and too many have no idea how to do that

I've been amicable with my ex for 8 years, only one major issue in that time. Generally we've coped well. Since lockdown, his selfishness has come spectacularly to the fore.

The last weekend in March, he came to visit ds and they went for a walk. Back after 10 minutes, he said there were far too many people, it was too much of a risk - for him - and he was leaving. He was sure I could cope and he'd see us when it was all over. Thanks then ! We didn't see him for 11 weeks.

Then Ex decided he would facetime DS every two days. He normally speaks to him over the phone twice a year - xmas & birthday - so every other day was absurd, they literally had nothing to say to each other and DS got bored after the second call. And then ex said that was my fault for not teaching DS to hold a conversation!

Covid has made ex focus solely on what is best for his health and well being, and he seems to forget ds is a human being and not an obedient puppy to be picked up or put in kennels when it is convenient to him.

I guess the whole stressiness has just highlighted why they are an ex.
brew

Meanderer Thu 02-Jul-20 14:09:43

Thank you for your support. Mine has just ‘broken up’ his friendship with me by email! I’m in shock and so upset. It was a bit of a character assassination and I’m feeling really hurt, that he sees me that way, that maybe I’m really like that, that he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore 😖 that might sound weird but we’ve been best friends for 25 years, our relationship started about 14 years ago and lasted 8 or 9. I’m in bits!

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Mintjulia Thu 02-Jul-20 17:10:55

It’s an odd move. We’ve all had a weird and stressful 3 months. Not the time to be making decisions or cutting friends because we’re all out of sorts.
He’s decided to end a 25 year friendship because of a couple of arguments! He still has about 5 years co-parenting to do. He’ll find it hard if he won’t be civil to you. Not easy for your ds either.

Is he used to getting his own way? Maybe leave it a week or two and see if he calms down. Ignore the character assassination. If he waited 25 years to tell you, I doubt he means it. brew

Meanderer Thu 02-Jul-20 22:58:39

Thank you for the comforting words, I really appreciate it. I don’t quite believe it myself, almost a bit worried for him - sounds like things might have been festering during lockdown, but maybe It’s just the final straw - I have a theory that the extra time we were spending together (We three went on Nature walks as a family and had some meals together etc) was upsetting him bcs he never really moved on after our breakup - and that maybe he’s been looking for a reason to push me away. Sounds a bit narcissistic of me and even if it is true I guess it’s not going to convince him coming from me! Part of me hopes he comes round, but there’s definitely a permanent scar From this whatever happens. I’m so sorry about your ex, that’s really crappy behaviour both towards you and your son. I just can’t imagine behaving that way, how could anyone not want to be with their kids especially now!brew

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