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My daughter hates sharing me(8 Posts)
My daughter is 8 and a half and it has always been just me and her. I left her dad when I was still pregnant and he has never bothered with her. My dad, her grandad is very very close to my daughter as is my mum and my brother and his wife. In 8 years I have stayed single to concentrate on being a mummy and also because I genuinely wasn't interested in finding a man.
I have recently just met a guy through a friend who is really lovely. He has kids himself and is very family orientated. My daughter has met him when we have been on dog walks together (she is always with me as I have no other childcare especially with covid), I've just said it's mummy's friend, she saw us holding hands the other day, when we got back to the car she burst into tears and said she doesn't want him to be her daddy and she doesn't want a daddy. I reassured her that he isn't going to a daddy, he's just my friend but I'd like to spend more time with him and reassured her I will always love her and she will always be my number 1. I havnt seen him since and I feel even when I mention his name she goes all clingy and emotional. Any help here is appreciated. This is the first person in 8 years I have feelings for and I feel I may have no option other than to end things with him so that my daughter is happy
You really sound like a fab mum. In my opinion although you deserve to be happy I don't think I could continue the relationship if it was making my child so upset. It must be really hard on her as it's just been you two her whole life. But if you do continue the relationship just be as sensitive as you can to her feelings and take it slow which you sound like your doing anyway.
I’d honestly just keep easing her in to the idea of him being around. Even just as a friend for a good while longer. Perhaps let him suggest fun things for her to do on the walks so he seems fun and friendly. (A scavenger hunt or something?)
She needs to see that she still comes first but actually having him around is fun. I don’t think you should end things with him just because she doesn’t approve right now. It’s going to be a big change but you shouldn’t put your whole life on hold until she moves out.
Reassure your dd that even though she has other special people in her life except you, you know what you share is extra special.. A new man won't shift her slot down any
. Imo allowing am 8 yo to dictate your life is going to make her very entitled in life. In a few years she will be socialising unsupervised - are you supposed to be home awaiting her return alone?
OP, you deserve to be happy. Your daughter is 8 and change is hard, but i completely disagree that you should end this relationship because it upsets her right now. Just keep easing her into it. You're an excellent mum but you're a person in your own right and it's really not healthy or fair for you to have nothing but your child.
My dd was 7 when I met now dh. She had never lived with a df...
When we married she asked to call dh df. Her choice..
He was never seen as less than a positive addition to our lives.
Not being harsh but your dd is high on the pedastal of a few - she maybe genuinely thinks she has the right to call the shots here.
Thank you everyone for your comments and advice..... UPDATE.... I spoke to my daughter and gave her the choice. I explained mummy still wants to see her friend as I really like his company but she has a choice which is come with me or I go on my own and she stays at home (We live opposite her grandparents so they can occasionally watch her), she chose to stay at home from now on, and seems happy with that choice. So I have seen him a couple of times this week without her but havnt lied to her about where I'm going and who I'm meeting, to get her used to the fact im still wanting to see him. I'm only out for a 1 to 2 hours at the most so she's not being left too long to overthink it. However today when I went to meet him she came with me, she asked to, which was nice and I feel progress! We havnt spoke about him or how she feels tonight, I will probably approach that tomorrow.
Just read the thread OP and you sound like a great mummy taking your daughters thoughts into consideration and hopefully things will work out as you deserve to be happy! Hopefully she will come round to the idea.
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