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Ex and maintenance payments

(23 Posts)
forgotthesuncream Wed 27-May-20 16:30:34

My ex currently pays me every month, an amount he feels he should pay. We were previously going through the CSA (where I received a lot more), but he insisted I drop the case as it wasn't 'fair' for him to pay so much and also be flexible if I ever asked him to be.

Fast forward a year and he is now living with his partner, their baby and her child. He has now announced that he wants to go through the CSA again as he'll have to pay me less than he is doing due to the fact that he has 2 children with him.

Does anyone know whether the father can open a CSA case in this instance? Thanks smile

OP’s posts: |
Mummylanie3 Wed 27-May-20 16:49:53

Yeah any parent can open the case it asks if your the payee or receiver. He just needs to say u can't agree on payment so he wants to use their services. He will have to pay a fee each month to use them

Reader1984 Wed 27-May-20 16:51:08

The fact the new woman has a child won't count, only a small deduction for the one they have together.

Gingerkittykat Wed 27-May-20 18:08:43

There is a deduction for every child in the household whether they are the NRPs child or not.

jmh740 Wed 27-May-20 18:13:35

He can open a case and there will be deductions for both of the children he lives with. If you know how much he earns I would go on the website and see if you can work out how much he will need to pay so you can be prepared.

forgotthesuncream Wed 27-May-20 22:33:15

Thanks all, looks like he'll get his own way yet again sad

OP’s posts: |
LouHotel Fri 29-May-20 10:41:33

He got his own way because when he insisted you drop the case you did - this wont be the last instance that he tries to continue to manipulate you so trying see this as your chance to put boundaries in place and do what you need to do.

NoHardSell Fri 29-May-20 10:46:34

I guess that's a lesson there for you

At least he will have to pay extra to the cms for using them rather than agreeing an amount direct with you.

What a dick though

AllsortsofAwkward Fri 29-May-20 10:51:47

Could you come to a comparise? My ex wanted to reduce it when he had a child and when I explained and broke it down and explained what he actually pays he didnt he initially wanted to take it down to save an extra 20 quid. I currently get £140 a month for one child however we take it turns on dinner money every week and we go half of activities or school trips and school uniform with him now being at senior school, this seems to work for us.

forgotthesuncream Fri 29-May-20 11:11:46

@AllsortsofAwkward I wish we could come to a compromise! I don't think there's a decent bone in his body sad

He won't help with school uniforms, trips etc as what he gives me should 'cover everything' apparently.

He's had it so bloody easy, 3 holidays a year (none including our child), picks and chooses when he has DC, he hadn't seen DC for 9 weeks due to the lock down (his choice), he eventually decides it's 'safe' to start up contact again and on the second day of having DC he buggers off to play golf all day!

OP’s posts: |
ivegotthisyeah Fri 29-May-20 11:14:30

Your ex is a dick and should be ashamed of himself

Imgladimnotyourchild Fri 29-May-20 11:20:17

If he lives with a child even if it isnt his or is
Your maintenance will be less
He wont have to pay extra to use CMS either unless they collect it

Paperchainpopp Fri 29-May-20 11:42:02

Hi OP going through CM is better for you in the long run and it is simpler all round. Your ex may get a higher paid job and then your payments would be adjusted according to his earnings. You can control your ex picking and choosing when he has your child. Set regular days and times and if he doesn’t come that’s his responsibility CMS also take into account of overnight stays too. I wouldn’t of dropped CM in the first place any parent suggesting to do this is usually for their own benefit not the child's.

forgotthesuncream Fri 29-May-20 16:49:30

@Paperchainpopp I really didn't want to drop the CM but he said that if I didn't then he wouldn't be flexible with our DC, meaning if I asked him to have DC on a specific date so I could do something then he wouldn't, or he wouldn't help out with school run if I needed him too, those kinds of things

OP’s posts: |
forgotthesuncream Fri 29-May-20 16:53:17

I should probably mention that he works shifts and only knows 8 weeks in advance which makes it impossible to ever plan anything!

OP’s posts: |
PositiveLife Fri 29-May-20 16:57:00

He's always going to threaten stuff to get what he wants.

Let him go through cms and make sure that the calculation is based on the correct number of nights. If he doesn't have DC that number of nights go to cms for a recalculation. If he's not had DC in 9 weeks, then he should be paying full whack in child maintenance.

If he tells you he won't be flexible say "OK, that's your choice but you still need to pay correctly". Don't pay for anything he should cover (e.g. Ex-husband has the kids on certain days, he pays for those wraparound care costs. If he doesn't, he can collect at school finish time or arrange other care)

HugeAckmansWife Fri 29-May-20 20:50:21

You need to put alternative childcare in place so you're not relying on him. My ex threatened not to have them once out of spite (on his normal weekend but we'd rowed about some new shoes that had got ruined on his watch). It was bloody brilliant when I was able to say, that's fine, no problem, grandparents will have them cos I'm going to whatever it was. He turned up. This guy is a have it all was twat. Even if it means you get a bit less, go through cms and maintain firm boundaries on contact.

forgotthesuncream Fri 29-May-20 20:57:06

Unfortunately he knows that I have no one else to have DC overnight which is why I've had to rely on him so much

OP’s posts: |
HugeAckmansWife Fri 29-May-20 21:24:35

Or you just don't go out overnight. Its shit, really it is but you can't give him that power.

SoloMummy Fri 29-May-20 22:10:03


The fact the new woman has a child won't count, only a small deduction for the one they have together.

No, all children in the household he's in will reduce his payment.

forgotthesuncream Fri 29-May-20 23:28:15

He dictates when he has him and if I say no sorry that doesn't work for me and DC then he kicks off and starts messaging me rubbish about how I'm denying him contact, or I'm a bad mum, or I'm just doing it to be awkward. I literally can't win!

OP’s posts: |
HugeAckmansWife Sat 30-May-20 08:01:01

So ignore the texts. Him texting you that doesn't mean it's true. You need to take some control here.

blueluce85 Mon 22-Jun-20 18:08:56

Agreed on the texts... Ignore ignore, you know you aren't.

I'm not one to talk as I hate those texts too. I'm praying that as there is a new woman on the scene, the hideous texts will stop... Unless she is just as hideous as him.

Lay out the days and times, or set rules... That there needs to be x amount of notice when he knows when he can look after your child.. Ie 8weeks in advance. You will make sure you are at home for him to collect. And if he doesn't, then the next time that was planned 7 weeks ago will be the next contact day.... Ignore the threats

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