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My friends boyfriend is paying for a child but is unsure if it is his.

(16 Posts)
Thehouseofmarvels Mon 25-May-20 15:52:53

My friend has a new boyfriend of three months. Things are going really well and they are already hoping the relationship has a future.

About four years ago my friends boyfriend broke up with a girl because she was cheating on him and because they had disagreements over money. They were about 22 at the time had been dating for three years but did not live together. He bought a house ( he is a very high earner) and she was unhappy because he did not offer her half the house and open an joint account so she could use his money because she had lost her job. She believed that people who are in a relationship should share their money fifty fifty ect. So he refused, she cheated and they broke up. A while after they broke up she sent him pictures of a six month old baby, said it was his and asked for money and told him she did not want to do a DNA test. She had started going out with the guy she cheated on him with but apparently they broke up. My friend said her boyfriend does not like confrontation so just started sending her money. He has met the kid three times. The woman now lives with another bloke.

My friend says her boyfriend has serious doubts that the child could belong to the guy she cheated with but thinks she might hassle him and cause him stress if he doesn't pay.

My friends says that if things get serious and they have a home together it will annoy her that money will have to be allocated for a child that may not be his every month.

The boyfriend has no plans to stop paying and while he has doubts he's not planning on doing anything about it. What do people think about the situation? Does this sound dodgy?

OP’s posts: |
slipperywhensparticus Mon 25-May-20 15:54:40

Yes because he can go to csa they will perform the DNA if it's his he pays if it isnt she pays

Theforest Mon 25-May-20 15:55:06

He should ask for DNA test then

Viviennemary Mon 25-May-20 15:55:42

I'd leave them to sort it out themselves.

Destroyedpeople Mon 25-May-20 15:55:45

I think it's not your business and that whatever tale this guy has spun your mate about his past and his ex should be taken with a massive pinch of salt. A handful in fact.

chipsandpeas Mon 25-May-20 15:56:53

he should get a DNA test done, otherwise hes stupid

Astrid84 Mon 25-May-20 15:57:42

The guy should still maintenance however if there are doubts surrounding paternity he can request a paternity test and he must let CMS know www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/disputing-parentage

slipperywhensparticus Mon 25-May-20 15:58:53

Personally it's a red flag if it's his childhood hasnt bothered with that's bad if its someone elses child hes paying for why? Is he still in love with her?

slipperywhensparticus Mon 25-May-20 15:59:16

Child who not childhood

Trevsadick Mon 25-May-20 16:00:16

It sounds like it's non of your business. I would also say he knows there's a good chance the baby is his. He is oaying and not bothering to find out the truth or actually have anything to do with child so he can pull the 'i didnt think she was mine' to people like your friend.

No one hands money over for a baby that may or may not be theres AND doesnt bother with the child.

If your friend believes him, she isnt going to believe you if you say this. But she is potentially heading into a relationship with a man who has a histoy of aviod confrontation and potentially a shit father.

Giganticshark Mon 25-May-20 16:01:55

So because he doesn't want to risk upsetting anyone he's just going to continue to pay?
He knows the baby is his, he's being a shit dad, doesn't want you to think he's shit so spun you a web of lies.
He could have saught legal advice, he could have used flippin GOOGLE to find out what to do. But no, he's paying up.

Giganticshark Mon 25-May-20 16:03:16

Replace you with your friend in my post.
Really has nothing to do with you but I understand you want to give your friend advice. She needs to open her eyes

RandomMess Mon 25-May-20 16:03:37

He should have a DNA test so he can decide to either have relationship with his biological child or not...

At some point if he doesn't that child will find him and ask him why he wasn't part of his and what will his answer be?

Lizadork Mon 25-May-20 18:55:59

The longer he pays without doing a DNA tests means the bigger risk he is taking of potentially being legally declared responsible even if child later found to not be his biologically. He is putting himself on the hook without knowing for sure. He needs to know, to give both himself and that child closure. If he wants to continue to support whatever the truth is, then that is up to him. He really should find out sooner rather than later.

khloebear Mon 25-May-20 22:22:20

This doesn't sound true. I'm thinking there's something shady about what your friends boyfriend is telling her. He probably knows full well the child is his. Most rubbish parents usually gave a tale to tell to make the other parent seem crazy and them completely innocent.

khloebear Mon 25-May-20 22:24:48

Also it's good he pays but he's opting out of all other parenting and telling a big story as an excuse I think .

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