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just become single parent for 3rd time, feeling unloved and lonely

(9 Posts)
muma3 Wed 19-Sep-07 12:04:09

me and my dp have just gone our own ways. things havent been great for a while now and i couldnt keep fighting for something it was obvious he didnt want. he got very distant and i felt like a pet he had got bored of. he became very selfish too. the final straw was last saturday when i asked if he would take me to the cinema. his first reaction was yeah whatever. saturday night came and he made other plans for us to go to a friends for a few drinks. before i knew it we were there and i was being blanked as usual. then sunday i asked if he wanted to stay at home , not go football (shitty sunday league), and stay in bed with me. i was trying to make more effort in bedroom as that had become an issue. he said he couldnt. we had a huge row about how i felt unloved and that he never made any effort and before i knew it he had walked out the door. he has gone to stay at a mutual friend of ours but to make matters worse she hasnt text or phoned me since. this is my 3rd disastorous(sp?) relationship and it has left me with 3 dd's with 3 diff dad's. i feel such a failure. all i wanted was someone to love me and i feel that it has cost my children becasue i was selfish. it isnt like i havent been on my own before and only started this recent rlationship because i thought it could improve my happiness i was fine before. eventually i did get a bit down and now realise that i could be happier on my own.

i miss him terribly and although he is acting a bit bothered etc he isnt asking to come back and he seems to be just getting on with his life. he is finding somewhere to live today and it feels like the final curtain is being drawn on us. it hurts so bad.

allgonebellyup Wed 19-Sep-07 12:13:02

oh you poor thing

i am going through the same thing, except 2 children by 2 dads, and am now alone again (search my name for threads)

dont know what to say really, but i am finding anti depressants are working for me at the mo and have only been on them a week.

are you sure its definitely over?
actually i hate it when people say that to me, it kind of gets your hopes up doesnt it?

muma3 Wed 19-Sep-07 12:21:11

i could quite easily today give in and let him back but if i think about it i really dont think it is what he wants. i could let him treat me like a bad smell but then i woldnt be happy yet im not now. also claiming IS doesnt help it is all so final. all i need is him to say sorry and come running back home. tell me he loves me and how he will never make me feel rejected again but i know it wont happen. he is acting like he always does , doesnt care. i cant keep holding the tears back from the kids either and that is hard. the first night i phoned him (even though he should of been interested to phone himself) to let him know how the kids took it . he didnt answer. when i got hold of him the next day i asked why he didnt phone or answer the call and his answer was " i was too upset and got drunk " my argument was well the kids were upset too and needed some reassurance from you but he was too selfish and like every other time he put himself first

allgonebellyup Wed 19-Sep-07 12:26:18

can you play hard to get and see if that works at all? like just stop calling or texting him altogether and see if he panics?

muma3 Wed 19-Sep-07 12:29:34

he has had my mobile cut off so i cant text and if i phone (from landline) it is for a reason etc ykwim. he just didnt and doesnt love me and i cant cope with that , i love him so much and held it altogether on my own for approx a year. i cant stop that feeling. i just want him to hold me and say i got it wrong and he does love me and it will all be different but i have no emotion from himsad

Tinkerbel5 Thu 20-Sep-07 09:58:50

muma it could be that this guy feels that you need him too much and thats why he is backing away, if you dont contact him then it will get him thinking and might make him realise what he is missing, you really need to be strong and take the upper hand, although this guy dont seem to be serious in your relationship.

muma3 Thu 20-Sep-07 10:05:26

i have told him that i have got an interview at the job center and have claimed income support so he knows im getting on with things and can cope on my own(i think) but i feel like he is doing the same as a consiquence and me being strong for the girls and sorting money out is just pushing him furthur away. i know what your saying though and i think i did rely on him too much but that is how he made it. he liked having me dependant on him , probably made him feel in control and sasitfied his self worth.
i feel like he is saying " well if she can just get on with things then so can i " so he will never come back"

turquoisenights Thu 20-Sep-07 20:36:32

when i got seperated, i had counselling and the thing told was 'first try to be happy on your own, dont depend on a man to make you happy, become independent, and then start a new relation, but this relation must not be to fulfill your unhappiness'
it means in a way repair yourself, be able to get alone on yourself, then you will be ready to start a new relation.
i think you didnt have a good childhood, not enough affection when you were a child.
if i were you i would think he is like one of the others.
he wants to be left alone now i guess.
leave him, you have 3 gorgeous children, reason to be happy, they will make you happy, they will love you, and you can give your love to them unconditionally not to someone you cant rely on, your children will never leave you.
you will recover, and will be very happy, these days will be over.

maltesers Thu 20-Sep-07 23:02:18

I have three kids, 19,16 and 7 yr old. Single a year now , the older 2 kids father i left in 1994 and had the 7 yr old with a new partner. we split last July06. I know now i just pick the wrong men, the selfish , domineering, arrogant men who do not put me first at all. I am sick of turning into a doormat, i must try to make better judgements and pick men who are tolerant, kind, caring, attentive and emotionally intelligent and put me first.
Have made several very poor judgements and have paid the price.. well things hoprfully will be different..
you mums out there...pick very carefully and dont rush in...take your time and if they are keen they will wait till you are ready..and if they are an arse, then kick them to the kerb, and ditch them...

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