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No child maintenance ever should I accept it?

(6 Posts)
ParkheadParadise Mon 11-May-20 13:35:19

I never received a penny from dd1's dad. He refused to believe she was his. We were both very young. His family would walk by her in the street. I worked full time and my family helped to support us financially. When I met dh he later adopted her.
She died at 23 at this point I hadn't see him for over 20years. He decided to crawl back out the woodwork because he was devastated. He was told NOT to attend her funeral. Instead he sold a story to the papers. He contacted me and asked for photos of dd, he was told where to go.
I'm actually glad I never received maintenance from him even though I struggled.

PumpkinP Mon 11-May-20 13:22:36

Ive just had 3 years of no maintenance as my ex wasn’t working or claiming benefits. I had no choice but to accept it as cms wasn’t interested as there was nothing they could do if he wasn’t working or claiming anything.

Merlotmum85 Mon 11-May-20 07:39:30

It's infuriating isn't it. I still get texts from cms asking if I'm happy with their service 🤔 I would love to know how he is able to qualify for permanent residency in aus but not eligible to pay cms over here! But actually there comes a point when you have to push it to one side or it'll just eat you up. I know I've provided for dd and been there for her always. We have such a strong bond and knowing that I'm independent, not relying on anyone else for financial support (no benefits, I work bloody hard!) is something to be proud of.

surlycurly Mon 11-May-20 04:44:51

I'm exactly the same position but I have two teens. I don't have a penny at the end of each month and the kids miss out on so much. I do t know where my ex is either but I do know he's currently unemployed (gave up a 90k a year to go), and so my chances of giving the kids a better life are nil just now. I am sick to my stomach with anger and resentment that he's just opted out when I think about, so I try not to. They are mine and mine alone now and it's for the best as he is a toxic bastard. The price of my freedom from that is high but at least he has no control left. I honestly feel your pain and it's not just about money, it's the abandonment of the kids that stings the most.

1Micem0use Mon 11-May-20 04:37:57

Do you know what country hes in? If hes in a REMO country you can chase him for child maintenance

creaturcomforts Mon 11-May-20 00:21:42

I split from my husband last year, he was not there for me or daughter. It's his daughter she is now 12. He moved abroad and chose no contact, I'm coping but without any childcare my work options are now limited.

I worked full time but now have part time work and am not earning a good wage, I have no idea where her dad is as he moved away and dropped contact, in live day to day managing just to pay the bills and keep a roof over mine and daughter's head.

I'm just so angry that her dad gets to not support daughter in any way and I can't get over this, also how can he not care? There is no chance of child maintenance as he moved abroad with his new woman and immediately cut contact with his daughter when he moved.

My daughter could have a decent life if he contributed and I'm just so desperate and struggling, other parents whose ex found a way to get around supporting their children how did you cope?

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