This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
coronavirus and co parent(14 Posts)
hello I'm stuck on what to do at the start of lockdown my ex agreed we could just send photos and he could ask how he was speak on phone etc and would have no contact due to how dangerous virus was 6 weeks on he now wants to see him (I'm aware that kids are allowed to go between houses ) however he works and so does his partner and I have quit my job to protect my son and not bring anything home I'm worried obviously passing him between households he could not only pass it on to his son if I agreed to let him see him but also to me I've offered video calls but hes not agreeing to them I'm also worried as we dont have a great relationship but if I caught the virus and passed away through this my parents wouldnt see their grandson again as I feel he would be very akward I'm stuck on what to do in this situation is anyone experiencing the same thing? I'm sure kids can pass on the virus but dont get it as bad
Let your child see his father ffs.
Are you or your child in the vulnerable, or even the shielding groups?
I think that the reasons not to let DS go for contact are as good as the one to avoid it.
What would be best for your child? The key point is, are you shielding? If you are not, you are as likely to get the virus from a random idiot standing next to you in the supermarket as from your ex.
it's easy to say but what happened if your family member died because of something like this would it be do ffs then I have had family members die through this I am in the vulnerable group
The risk is always there. When you go out for exercise. Shopping etc. Unless you live in a bubble. You can't not be exposed to outside.
You have to risk assess the situation. What work is his dad and partner in. Nhs front line. Too high risk. Post man. Or office work lower risk.
Wash clothes and good hygiene after visits. Will reduce that risk further.
Vulnerable or shielding?
Do you live with your parents? If not. The risk of it being passed on is reduced further.
Lock down has gone on longer than people first thought. A few weeks of not seeing your children is ok. Now we are heading into another month. They must be missing each other. How does that impact upon your dc mental well being.
Realistically unless there’s a vaccine we are all going to contract covid eventually. Lockdown was to prevent nhs being overwhelmed.
All you are doing is destroying your child’s relationship with their other parent. How would you feel if you went that long wiggle actually being with your own flesh and blood??? And yes I say destroy. It’s so important children see their parents regularly and while I accept there are shitty parents who can’t be bothered seeing their kids, here you have a father who wants to resume contact and unless you or someone you live with is on the shielding list then you need to step up as a parent and facilitate the contact. He’s been very fair and tolerant already agreeing to go so long without proper contact when (afaik) there’s no real reason for contact to stop. If he and his partner work in a hospital then that changes things. Just because they are working doesn’t meant they’re being exposed. As a pp said you run the risk anyway. Whether shopping is delivered or you go to the shop for it, there’s potential for infection. If you go for a walk, or if someone walks past your house. The sheer number of parents refusing contact just because, and not because of a shielded family member or symptoms is astounding, children have had all their little routines taken away, they aren’t seeing friends, they don’t see favourite teachers, they don’t understand exactly why, and then they also aren’t seeing their parent. Honestly sickens me. At the very least, let your ex talk to the child through the lounge window (assuming no history of DA/DV).
Also you should have been doing video calls from the start of no direct contact - as you have the tech to send a photo I assume the same tech would run a video calling program?! You sound a little controlling to have only offered video calling as a last attempt to prevent contact when he wants to return to normal. The rest of the world are video calling their relatives on a daily basis. Doesn’t even cost anything (if you have internet and a suitable device already!) if your child is a bit young just set up the camera while they play. No excuse.
I have offered he has only ever asked for photos once and never actually took me up on the offer of video calls which I offered from the start also I would never destroy a relationship everytime my child has come back his father has told him to tell me I'm fat my belly is so big I'm pig goes pop I'm dirty he has continually bad mouthed me to my child through the time we have split and has called my friends and everytime I ask my baby who said that he replies his daddy said that yet i have never stopped contact or bad mouthed him i know I'm a good mother and it may come across someway but at one point arguments got so bad it' bad I havent actually seen my ex for over 3 yrs and passovers are done through my parents to avoid my child seeing any nastiness which obviously one of my parents is in the shielding category so I'm completely stuck on what to do so I dont think destroy a relationship would be the right word to say
How old is your child. I don't see my ex. From the age of five mine would go out as he pulled up. No need to see or speak to him.
Posters seriously need to include such relevant details in their op @scl27 no point drip feeding
In that case can’t the hand overs happen at your parents house by the window? So they are supervising handover but no contact. Email in writing to your ex that handover to take place in front of your parents window so they are fully witness to handover, no words to be exchanged between you and him and just write down any thing you need to in a communication book to be passed between parents on handover. If any unacceptable behaviour takes place then he will have to settle for video calls because exposing your child to nastiness between his parents won’t be to his benefit.
Also In your position I would be considering getting legal advice re. Undertakings for contact (that your ex is not to say degrading or nasty things about you to or in front of your child)
Please login first.