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(12 Posts)
Canning1234 Wed 06-May-20 14:07:03

Hi my names Nicola I’m nearly 32 and have a 7 and 2 year old. I have been with my sons dad for 14 years love of my life and besotted with him still. He doesn’t want to be with me anymore and I’m just trying to take each day as it comes but I’m dreading the next day as he’s still living with us and I feel like I will completely break down when he moves out. I don’t have a lot of friends mainly my fault for becoming a bit of a hermit after me second! But honestly I just can’t see a future without him and just would love to know how anyone else got through it. I have never posted on anywhere before so I’m hoping this helps me x

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StrawberryJam200 Wed 06-May-20 22:14:29

Hi there I'm sure you'll find lots of good advice on numerous thread further down this board. You will survive honey, first for your DC's sake and then you'll start to find your feet.

There is lots of good advice on Mumsnet. Also places like Gingerbread, the original single parents organisation, and there's (much newer) the Frolo app if you want to make friends with others in same situation, although I think that works better for urban dwellers.

Take care thanks

TheMotherofAllDilemmas Thu 07-May-20 20:24:18

You are in shock and not knowing what comes next is definitively the most stressful part of the split.

The only thing I can suggest is to start making plans on how you would like your life to be after the split, it will be difficult, nobody can escape that, but once you start making plans, defining targets and visualising your life on your own, you will feel more in control.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas Thu 07-May-20 20:26:39

... and something very important, it is natural to feel besotted to someone who is leaving us. But it is important to look into your heart to see if what you feel for him at the moment is out of love, fear or even hurt pride. Making a list of all those things that ever annoyed you about him is a good place to start.

Canning1234 Fri 08-May-20 12:12:14

Hi both thanks so much for the advice I just feel at rock bottom I’m trying to do as much as I can with my boys but I just can’t stop thinking about him. It would be easier if I hated him but I don’t! And the fact that I can’t afford to live in my place on my own worrying about uprooting my 7 year old when I’m worried about how it’s going to affect him anyway. I have spoke to universal credit and the council and waiting to find out what help I would get which was even a big deal for me. I hate wallowing I’m self bloody pity as well! Thanks again x

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TheMotherofAllDilemmas Fri 08-May-20 12:36:59

Canning, something that helped me during a very painful break up was to accept that I was going to love him until I didn’t. Accepting that it was going to hurt for a while rather than trying to fight the feeling made it, surprisingly, more bearable.

I also tried to get myself distracted as soon as I started thinking about him, and write the list of the things that were wrong with him, so every time I started idealising him I could go back to the list to bring me back to reality.

This will pass, and life will be good again, your kids will cope much better than you expect. You just need to survive the shock and the “mourning of the routines”, it will take a few months (mine was about 6 months) and once you are past that life will look nice and bright again, whatever the difficulties. flowers

StrawberryJam200 Fri 08-May-20 14:30:07

Hope you're doing OK today @Canning1234 x

okiedokieme Fri 08-May-20 14:32:55

It's scary isn't it, i was in your position 15 months ago. Get as much information as you can on support, and keep talking to your stbexh - the more you can sort between you the better especially financial matters.

okiedokieme Fri 08-May-20 14:36:27

Ps a year on, ive met someone else and have literally never been happier. I saw exh a month ago as he was seeing dd and thought to myself, what did I ever see in him? It took about 4-5 months to really let go and then just a few months later I met my now dp, hang in there, it's going to be ok

Canning1234 Fri 08-May-20 15:28:45

Thanks so much for all the advice I never thought I would be in this situation as we were so happy together the day before playfighting like teenagers and cuddling up watching telly and then the next 24 hours it was over! He’s still living with us but he works shifts so 4 days out of the week he’s hardly here anyway. I can’t bare the thought of him being with someone else and to be honest I’m thinking I can’t do this again go through all the heartache again so I’m taking each day as it comes but some days it’s hard to get out of bed! I know it will get easier it’s just I can’t help but think when I’m so sorry I sound so depressing! X

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TheMotherofAllDilemmas Fri 08-May-20 15:52:00

If things were so well, why is he leaving? No signs whatsoever? That doesn’t make any sense.

Canning1234 Thu 14-May-20 16:21:47

Hi sorry for the late reply things have got worse. He doesn’t trust me because I got in debt and said he can’t forgive me even though that was nearly 2 years ago I took full responsibility and done everything to make things up and everyone I’m talking to are telling me he wants to be single and I just don’t believe that because I have seen him upset so I believe him but I don’t know if I’m being naive? X

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