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(21 Posts)
mogs0 Sun 16-Sep-07 20:30:21

My ds has never met his Dad and, after a failed brief attempt to try and find him, probably never will. He's just turned 5 and in the last 6 months or so has been asking lots of questions about him.

We went to a friends wedding yesterday and every time I looked for ds he was chatting to a group of male guests. He's desperate for a father-type person to hang out with. I need a Hugh Grant (in "about a boy"). Where can I get one?!! Anyone else feel like this? I don't know what the solution is but the guilt is growing out of control that my poor ds is stuck with a nagging old mother and could do with a mate to climb trees and have farting competitions with!!

j20baby Sun 16-Sep-07 20:33:40

any uncles or grandad's he can spend time with?

turquoisenights Sun 16-Sep-07 20:35:52

i need the same to take her to park.

mamazon Sun 16-Sep-07 20:39:05

i have found this with my Ds.
rthankfully i have a great group of friends whose partners are happy for Ds to tag along when they do boy things.

mogs0 Sun 16-Sep-07 20:39:22

He has one uncle and 2 grandads who all live at least 150 miles away. He gets on really well with all 3 but we only see them about once a month at most.

mogs0 Sun 16-Sep-07 20:42:00

Do they offer to take your ds or do you ask? I'm a bit crap at asking people for help but I guess if it benefits ds then I should stop being crap!!

singledadofthree Sun 16-Sep-07 21:37:44

dont suppose youre all that serious about the rent-a-dad thing, as he gets on at school he'll get friends to play with and go out with them and their dads no doubt. my kids all grew up with little contact or support from their mum and it hasnt made them cling to their friends' mums so no worries there.

main concern would be a proper father figure. i have no memory of my dad as he died when i was very young and it still affects life now. there was a thread on here about women and failing relationships with their dads. isnt really relevant here but as far as long term perspective goes i would trade everything i have, a house thats about paid for, my crappy old corsa, everything i own. just to spend 1 minute with my dad - wont ever happen i know, but theyre all things i can get back.

mogs0 Sun 16-Sep-07 21:45:53

So, from your exp, do you think the father-figure should be his actual father?

singledadofthree Sun 16-Sep-07 21:53:10

no. you tried and didnt find him, is enough to assume he hasnt tried to contact you to see ds. if that doesnt change itll piss ds off in years to come but isnt what he needs while he's growing up.

dont go throwing stuff at me or your comp but meant more along the lines of you having a fella around who will also take interest in ds. i'm thinking off at a tangent here so feel free to ignore me.

Tinkerbel5 Mon 17-Sep-07 09:35:49

mogs what about singledadof three he might be up for it ? grin

Sossy Mon 17-Sep-07 12:11:11

I think what's important is to have male role models for your son, it doesn't necessarily have to be the biological father. Grandads, uncles, cousins etc all play a major role. Have you joined any groups like Beavers?

mogs0 Mon 17-Sep-07 21:48:28

singledadof3 - sorry for the slow response have been busy cleaning the laptop after spitting my water over it after reading your post! Fella?!!! I think I've been single far too long to have to share things with a partner!! Also, the chances of finding someone that's perfect for me are pretty slim but to find that perfect person that is also perfect for ds....?...hmmmm.......not going to hold my breath!!

Tinkerbel5 - think he's run away!! I seem to have that affect on men!!!

Sossy - What's Beavers? Male family memebers live quite far away, though, we'll be moving nearer to them in a few months so that ds can see them more.

Sossy Mon 17-Sep-07 21:51:31

Beavers (ahem) is the group before cubs, scouts etc. I think, although not sure, it will be run by a man. Just one more male role model in his life...thats all!

MaryBleedinPoppins Mon 17-Sep-07 21:52:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryBleedinPoppins Mon 17-Sep-07 21:56:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mogs0 Mon 17-Sep-07 21:59:13

Ah, thought that's what it was but then wondered if it was another single parent "club"!!! Will look into that! He's just started football so will see how he gets on with that.

MaryBleedinPoppins Mon 17-Sep-07 22:02:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mogs0 Mon 17-Sep-07 22:04:23

mbp - it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one!! I feel so sad when I see how happy he is hanging out with the guys. I'm a CM and ds gets on really well with one of mindees dads which makes me feel even worse that he doesn't see his own dad.

I'm sure ds is fine and it's just me being blowing things out of proportion!

mogs0 Mon 17-Sep-07 22:05:00

But don't girls go to Brownies?

MaryBleedinPoppins Mon 17-Sep-07 22:08:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

singledadofthree Wed 19-Sep-07 21:58:41

thought it safe to return - at least it was only water you splurted over your laptop. was being fairly sensible for me tho, killing two birds with one stone so to speak.

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