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Advice needed please!

(10 Posts)
user1494270143 Fri 17-Apr-20 10:26:23

Hey, hope you are all keeping well. 😀

I am basically looking for advice, and to see if anyone’s been in the same situation. Basically my sons dad is not involved, doesn’t see him and hasn’t for about a year and a half. I don’t hear from any of their side of the family at all apart from My sons grandad (so my sons dad’s dad) who texts once every couple of months and will sometimes ask to see my son with his grandma. I organise this to meet somewhere public. But as my son gets older (he’s 2 atm) it’s dawned on me I don’t know what to do for the best interest of my son. Is it more detrimental for me to let him see him, as when they have seen him they’ve been stand offish and also brought up my sons dad into conversation and laughed in my face about it. I’ve always tried to keep civil for my sons sake as they said if I stopped them seeing him they would fight in court for my son which scared me. but I just can’t see how this is going to be beneficial for my son, and I can just see it confusing my son. And to be honest that’s not fair on him. Especially bringing him up on in conversation. Do I cut ties? Or do I just continue seeing them every so often. They saw my son last year about 4 times, and always made excuses why they’d not seen him sooner. Can my sons grandparents take me to court if his “dad” isn’t on the birth certificate?

I just want what’s best for my son, I want things to be as less confusing for him as possible and I wouldn’t ever want my son To feel as though he’s not cared about by them. I’m lucky I have such fab family as they really make up for the other side!

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you so much xx

OP’s posts: |
timetest Fri 17-Apr-20 12:29:44

I believe they have no legal right to see your son. If you feel they are not bringing anything positive into your boy’s life, cut them out of it.

Computersaysok Fri 17-Apr-20 12:32:22

You could change your number, or block them, I think texts still come through though, its tricky but go with your gut - and if I were you that would be without them.

humanvision123 Mon 20-Apr-20 10:39:29

I would ask them not to bring up your ex as a conversation topic. That sounds like a fair request. They don't meet you to discuss his life, they are meeting you to see their grandson, am I right?
It should be an easy agreement.
For your son is better to have an relationship with his grandparents.
You never know what life might bring after 5, 10 or 20 years time and its better if they have relationship and your son knows who they are.

bluebell34567 Mon 20-Apr-20 11:22:08

nothing good will come out from these people.
best to cut off. i dont think they will go to courts, they are just trying it.

user1494270143 Tue 21-Apr-20 10:13:20

Thanks for your response everyone, my gut instinct has always told me not to trust them. I just get worried incase they tried to take me to court but I’m not sure how they’d go about this? Does anyone know where grandparents stand? I’ve looked online and it says grandparents have no legal rights, but if their son isn’t on the birth certificate what would they do?

Yes they meet to see my son but when they bring him up and call him “dad” Infront of my son it’s infuriating as he is not involved and not fair on my son as soon my son will know what a dad is!

They never listen to me as his mum, so even if I did say don’t mention him they would...

It’s hard trying to decide what to do for the best as I just want what’s best for my son. I suppose my son will make his mind up for himself!! Xx

OP’s posts: |
Ernieshere Tue 21-Apr-20 11:44:31

They never listen to me as his mum

Seriously just go it alone with your DS, they bring nothing but stress.

They saw my son last year about 4 times, and always made excuses why they’d not seen him sooner

They do not get to say 'Jump' * you say 'How high'

They can not tell you when they want to visit. Just ignore them. They dont know, you may have changed your number.

ELC2018 Tue 21-Apr-20 18:13:25

This is my first time on here. I'm looking for advice, my marriage of 7years is seriously breaking down. We have been together 16years. We have a lovely little 18month old boy who we tried for 5years for. Since the birth of our son things have changed and I personally feel he doesn't want to be here, still wants the going out every weekend life style.
We are currently on lockdown so don't know where to turn for advice.....
We have a lovely 3bed house- mortgage.
If we separate, I want to keep the house for my son stability. I only work 20hours a week since having my son and wouldn't be able to afford all the bills myself.
Does he have to pay part of the mortgage/council and utilities bills??
Would I be entitled to anything like family tax credits etc?
I've never claimed for anything in my life so don't know how the system works. Do I have to be divorced before i get that etc

Just need some advice. We are trying to make it work but i need to know just encase.
Thank you.

user1494270143 Tue 21-Apr-20 19:01:24

@ELC2018 hey , hope you are well. I am sorry to hear about that, if you create a thread on the “lone parent” page I’m sure there will be someone in a similar situation to help advise you.

I’ve not been in this situation but I’m assuming if he’s still on the mortgage he should have to, and he should give you money if you’re living separately and you have your little boy the majority of the time. Failing that you could seek some advice legally and see where you stand. Like you said it’s better to know where you stand before hand, so deffo best thing to do!! I hope you manage to sort something xx

OP’s posts: |
LittleFoxKit Wed 22-Apr-20 15:03:18

The only down side is if they pressure your ex to go to court and get put on the BC and then request contact on behalf of his parents. But if hes not likely to go that far, then grandparents ultimately dont have any rights per se

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