Hello this may seem long and confusing I’m sorry!!
I’m 21 weeks pregnant with a little boy coming in August and I am so thrilled.
My problem starts from the moment I found out I was expecting, started as a drunken night with my boyfriend at the time and ended up throwing up the pill I took a few hours before and was to drunk to realise until it was to late.
Found out I was pregnant awhile later and the dad (lets call him Jed) was supportive and said he will do whatever I decide.. and I decided that the baby didn’t ask to be here , and that we should both take responsibility for what we made. He agreed.. and then a few days later he demanded I have an abortion and forced it so hard onto me.. shouting in my face, even started kicking his legs about like a Child.
I already had a scan booked and told my close family, told him that he gave me the choice and that he can also not be apart of it if he wishes to not be.
I ended up breaking up with him over this, it really broke my heart how his mind changed and how little respect he spoke to me with. He still proceeded to say he wants to be apart of the baby’s life if I’m going to have it, so I told him to come off the drugs (I’m not a drug user Or constant drinker) & calm down on the excessive drinking and smoking.
Also asked if he could tell his mum (whos an alcoholic) to calm down as well and to stop smoking in the house as it’s dangerous for a baby and to also get off the drugs - he agreed these was issues and promised they was going to change.
Around 7 weeks in, I got really sick and ended up in hospital on New Years and stayed all night and had repeated trips to go onto drips and have anti sickness injections. I was miserable !! and while all this was going on, Jed was at raves and pubs.. drinking until he blacks out.. told me he was on cocaine and mdma. I was furious that he made promises to me to calm down drinking but I was even more annoyed he was still doing the drugs.
Pass on another 8 weeks and he asked me to go to a private scan to find out the gender early, I wasn’t set on finding out until the baby was born as I wanted a surprise but decided there’s no harm in finding out anyway if he wants to know so badly, so I agreed And booked it. It cost £50 and while the lady was trying to find out the sex, she asked me to stand up and jump around a bit to help move the baby around a bit. As I was doing this Jed went ‘look how fat she’s got, she don’t do any exercise. The most she’s probably ever moved’ - I was appalled and embarrassed! The lady asked me if I wanted him to leave and I said no, cos I didn’t want to make a scene and grinned and bared it.. found out it was a little boy and got given scan pics and a dvd of the whole scan, when it came to paying the £50, I expected Jed to pay half or at least offer to pay half. He didn’t, I paid for the whole thing. But he insisted to keep the scan pictures and the dvd to which I said no.
I had a midwife appointment at around 17 weeks and I told her my fears of Jed still excessive drinking, smoking and constant use of drugs. (I was balling my eyes out over how badly I wanted Jed to change ) she told me it’s okay, and reminded me I am the voice for this baby and I know what he should and shouldn’t be around. She advised me to keep Jed away from the baby as I will be putting him in danger in Jeds care and will potentially have socials taking the baby off me if they find out I am putting my baby at risk.
When it came to telling Jed how the appointment went and what I was advised, he hit me with a door that I was standing in between and called me every name under the sun. Blew cigarette smoke in my face etc.
I’ve received so many horrible messages from him calling me names; trying to argue that I’m in the wrong and that he will take me court etc etc.
He didn’t even tell his mum to get off the drugs or stop drinking until she passes out or smoking in the house.
I have got nearly everything for this baby already. It has cost me well over £1500 Even sold my fiat I always wanted to have extra money saved up - and he hasn’t paid a single penny towards anything, or even wants to.
I’m just so frustrated and I feel like I been letting what he says get into my head.
I don’t know what to do if he does take me to court.. I feel like I been very fair and giving out chance after chance.
He’s noW also got a new girlfriend he’s trying to have a baby with also! (She also works at my workplace!!!!) I haven’t said anything to her, but I wished them well to him when I saw Jed last.
Am I in my rights for not letting him see his son until he proves to me he’s willing to change? I don’t want him at the birth and will probably not have him on the birth certificate.
I been so heartbroken and upset; not for myself but for my son.
Any advice on moving forward? It’s genuinely upsetting me.
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not sure how to move forward. Sorry this is long.
3 replies
Kaymcc97 · 24/03/2020 11:56
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