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preg with child no. four and am now all alone dont think i'll cope on my own

(10 Posts)
sarah2578 Fri 07-Sep-07 16:49:16

Two days ago the father of my children left he says he doesnt love me anymore but still cares about as i am the mother of his children.

I feel like my world has ended and i do not want to be alone with four children I am currently 16 weeks preg and found out i am in for a difficult pregnancy. I thought there was another woman but he said they are just friends he was planning on moving away to live in her flat but has decided to stay local to be there for his kids.

I do really still love him and want to talk to him about it but he says i am being selfish for wanting him to come back as he is happy now. He says he cant be happy with me one minute and says when he realises he has made me really upset that he could be happy with me i just feel so confused

He split with me one night then that same night said he had made a mistake and wanted to stay with us then in the morning he said he wanted to change his mind back what do you think we should do i think if we got some sort of counsilling that might work or do I let him have his cake and eat it and let him go and be happy when all i want is to have a proper family life with us all under one roof its just too hard

friends have said in the past that they will be there for me anytime but no one is helping at all i feel like i need to change my life too and cant be this single mother of four why is it so easy for the men to do the walking

bluejelly Fri 07-Sep-07 16:53:08

Oh god you poor thing, no wonder you are confused and unhappy.
Don't despair, you will get through it. My ex left me when I was pregnant, had an horrific time felt so low and suicidal

Now I thank god that he did I have a great relationship with my dd and a really good life, he is a total no hoper!

Sometimes things happen for a reason.

So sorry though

sarah2578 Fri 07-Sep-07 18:33:40

i feel exactly the same and even threatened to go and kill myself as then it would be easier for him to be happy and get on with his life. he gets the best of both worlds that way his kids but not me.

But i cant do that i love my 3 dds too but feel like i wont love this next baby as much if he isnt around to help me with the baby especially as it will have been a difficult preg too.

think i already have depression over this why does it have to be the woman that suffers its just not fair.

Skribble Fri 07-Sep-07 18:44:55

Oh babes I really feel for you my husband dropped the bombshell on Monday night. Thankfully my kids are a bit older.

Sorry I can't say anything very supportive, all I can say is I understand the feeling when thewy say they don't love you anymore XXXX

almostmidnight Fri 07-Sep-07 20:02:09

Poor you, my dh did the same to me about 14 weeks ago. I am afraid I would not believe him on just being friends with the other woman. That is what my dh told me and then I found out she was pregnant with his child.

It is very unfair that men seem to be able to walk away and get the easy life (except the rare ones who take on their children when it is the wife who leaves). Even when they have to pay maintenance they still seem to get left with the bulk of their wage so they can still enjoy life where as single mums only seem to be allowed to live on so much otherwise we are penalised and have benefits taken away from us. It seems so unfair and I think it is time mums were paid to stay at home to be with their kids even if it was only the equivalent of job seekers allowance.

My husband's family have stuck by me and he is very angry with that saying they are "his family" not mine and I should not be talking to them. I have known them for sixteen years now. It will get easier but you will also have your low points but they come and go. I got shingles through the stress of all the lies he was telling me. I just look at my 2 dds and they make me smile and happy inside.

If you are ever feeling low just come on mumsnet for a chat. It has really helped me knowing all these women are going through or have been through the same. You may not agree with all their advice but it helps to get opinions from every side smile

wotamidoin Fri 07-Sep-07 22:34:31

hiya im sending you a big hug .((HUGS))
pregnancy is not the best time for a break up, you will get stronger and sort this out one way or another, you will come thru this i promise you, one day. seek companionship with your friends and family, concentrate on looking after yourself and your babe, they are the most important things, you must stay strong for the kids.x

meandmy Fri 07-Sep-07 22:36:01

keep your chin up you have got to be trong for your children but remember to look after yourself too!

sarah2578 Sat 08-Sep-07 09:39:26

i'm so sorry almostmidnight that he has another woman preg hope you are ok

i have been told from everyone that he is not seeing this other woman and believe them i just need him here with us and the kids they need him as much as me

he said he is coming round to talk tomorrow i'll have to see where it goes from there he seems like he has forgot about us already though it just doesnt seem fair

amsr02 Sat 08-Sep-07 10:11:32

i was in the exact same position this time last year, pregnant at 16 weeks when he left, i had postnalal depression ive had councelling and now i have my gorgeous baby. its scary with this one been the forth same as me but i love her even more now shes here. my ex came back last december he was seeing someone else and told me he wasnt. but now im the strong one and have left him, he let me down at the most important time especially because i had PSD with my hips. and everyone does help as much as possible. it will work out and u never know might end up been the one to move forward without him.

sarah2578 Sat 08-Sep-07 11:55:28

thanks amsr02

i hope i can get through this, at the moment i do not ever think i will get over it my kids are not making it easy for me everyone says that they will keep me happy but i just can't stop thinking about him

the kids are too young to understand exactly whats going on they are 2 5 and 6 so dont think they understand that their daddy will not live here anymore i too cannot get my head around it it is just sooooo hard

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