Hi all I am a single parent of 2 year old twins.
I am really struggling at the moment I want to do what is best for my children! I wish there were a book but it is not so black and white.
Please, what would you do in my situation.
Apologies if my post is not easy to read
Their dad has agreed to have the children on a Saturday but he is so inconsistent.
He quit his job to study a psychology degree and is now doing his masters he then wants to do a PHD - basically a forever student.
I don’t even think he can get a job in the above field as he has a criminal record for armed robbery! In hindsight a big red flag I obviously dismissed because I am big pathetic empath!
Basically according to child maintenance he does not need to pay child maintenance as he’s a student.
Despite this he gives me £20 a week.
He live with his mum (who is his biggest enabler)
He continually throws in our faces how he didn’t want the children (abortion) as a way to absolve himself of his responsibilities
He goes on holiday every month from Mexico to Barbados. Meanwhile he has never bought the children shoes or a coat, if I ask for help with shoes he tells me no as he only has them 1 day a week.
He is extremely selfish he wears it like a badge of honour and admits to it too
Believe me he is Narcissist he’s covertly controlling, extremely manipulative and twists everything! I often need my close friend and mum to validate what is happening because he makes me feel that crazy.
I work extremely hard sometimes to the point I feel I am going to collapse
I work, bring up the children and of a night, early morning I run a small home based business around the children.
Everyone will say what a great mum I am but never him he will always put me down. I’m drained from him on the other hand he will tell me he cares about me.
Anyhow November 2019 he text me saying bluntly he won’t have any signal and he won’t be there for the next two weeks.
It was the last straw... I just couldn’t take it and I cut contact, blocked him.
He reached out New year we discussed how he would change how he is sorry and he wants things to be different and I allowed him back in.
He went on holiday again in January 2020, February 2020 which is fine as he did it around the children.
Things turned ugly as I stepped out of line and asked him why can he go on holiday all the but I have to do everything for the children, he then text yesterday he won’t be here the next two weeks as he is going away.
I can’t live like this anymore I just was a peaceful life for the children but they love him. I don’t want to be seen as the evil one who didn’t let them have a relationship with their dad. I struggle with boundaries and I didn’t have parents growing up. I am struggling with what to do in this situation. Believe me I want them to have a relationship with their dad so much but not so much it effects my children.
Sorry for the long post thank you if you even got this far! what would you do?
TIA
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43 replies
TDJames · 10/03/2020 20:23
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