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Going to be single

13 replies

Skribble · 07/09/2007 12:58

Ok how do I do it, DH and me have debt between us and I don't earn enough to pay for even halve the household bills.

He says he will stay (on sofa) and pay the mortgauge for now. I want him to live ere for the sake of the kids, we are past arguing so its not like its bad for the kids.

But if I can't endure it how can we seperate financely? He talked about having to sell as he won't be able to afford anywhere, but I can't afford anywhere decent, I am not prepared to put them in a shitty flat and change schools etc.

I have been trying to get another job for so long that will support us, but the kids need to get to the activities they do after school and no childminder will be able to do that. If I do manage to get a full time job with a 5oclock finish MIL says she will help but I can't rely on here to be able to do it all the time and taxi them into activities.

Checked CSA and he would have to pay about £64 a week if we did it that way, would I get any benifits. Sorry I don't have a clue I have never claimed anything in my life apart from child benefit.

Tring to stop crying as I have a long awaited hair appointment this afternoon and can't go all red eyed.

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bossykate · 07/09/2007 13:02

so sorry you are sad

deep breath. i am all for hoping for the best and planning for the worst but don't panic - you have some time while he is staying to work out your contingency plan.

what activities do the kids do? would it be possible to find weekend substitutes? how do you know a cm wouldn't take them places?

so sorry you are upset. didn't want to leave this unanswered when i saw you were crying. hope some better advice will drop in soon.

bk.

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meandmy · 07/09/2007 13:05

yes you would get child tax credits and working tax credits depending on your income housing benefits etc go to your local cab they can help you

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Skribble · 07/09/2007 13:14

Thanks, regards kids activities we live in a village and everything is in town, there are only 2 childminders in the village anyway.

Had a quick look at the bills and stuff and his maintenance wouldn't even cover the mortgauge. And its only for £60,000 so no chance of downsizing and buying anywhere cheaper.

Its been bad enough trying to get a job that would fit in as it was never mind, now I will be on my own.

If I can get a 9-5 MIL will only have to run them in 3 times a week and it would just be to drop off, she wouldn't have to hang about.

Even if he stays here we will have to seperate the finances and I have to earn my own money, up until now my part of the deal (or so I thought) was to bring up the kids.

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Skribble · 07/09/2007 13:15

Think I will have to go into CAB and see what they say.

God after all this he only has to pay £64 a week. That can't be right. I know he will contribute more, but if he has to finance his own place and pay the debts he won't be able to. Bwtween us we simply can't afford 2 houses.

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bossykate · 07/09/2007 13:17

chin up, my love. you will get through it. i wish you strength and courage for the journey.

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Skribble · 07/09/2007 13:19

Thanks Oh don't make me cry or I will never be able to leave the house.

Just can't believe it is all over.

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bossykate · 07/09/2007 13:22

right! no more crying! you need this haircut! it is the first step to restoring your self-esteem! upstairs and get dressed nicely and put on some make up ready to go!

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Skribble · 07/09/2007 13:27

Thanks I will do that right now as I have to leave in half an hour.

Be back on tonight, to ask more advisebenefits website just confuses me totaly .

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beller · 07/09/2007 14:52

Dont have any advice on benefits etc..just wanted to wish you well Skribble, I hope you can work some thing out xx

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Skribble · 07/09/2007 18:42

Thanks again everyone, I just don't know where to start to unravel everything.

I don't want him to live elsewhere because I don't want to have to explain to the kids but I don't think we can sidestep each other everyday for evermore.

I see that I really do have to get a full time job but I have been working in the same job for the past 10 yrs and it is quite specialised and I don't think other employers take me seriously because they think my previous job is so exciting they can't see why I wan that job or they don't seem to see that my experience would be any good for their job.

I even applied for a job as a kithen assistant and when she asked about my responsibilities in my present job I tried to play it down as I didn't think supervising over 30 staff and all that would really help.

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Skribble · 07/09/2007 20:50

I just wish he would say sorry and that he does still love me and that he wants to come back

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Skribble · 08/09/2007 23:22

Text him and suggested counseling but, he hasn't replyed, I suppose he could be busy at work.

The rumours about his conduct have started at work already, knew it would thats the trouble with H, me and the fancy woman all working for the same company . The vulture will be circling ready to pick us to bits.

I am still prepared to give it a chance, and to hell with the gossip, but I fear it is true when he says he doesn't love me any more, we don't have to be in love just feel a bit of love surely and work on it.

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beller · 10/09/2007 10:05

Sorry your having such a tough time Skribble, did he answer about counselling?

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