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How do I deal with him?

(14 Posts)
stressed05 Mon 17-Feb-20 22:28:33

How do I deal with the type of father who is unable to take DS unsupervised. ( reasons why that I won't go into on here ). Really Doesn't have a bond with him at all ( DS is a year and a half ), when he sees him he makes no effort to play with him or do anything for him just sits on his bum the full time on the couch and hardly communicates with him ( despite being spoken to about it ). Yet continuously turns up every second weekend for around an hour and a half. I have tried to make contact out of my home which failed as he told me after 2 times that he wasn't going to the softplay anymore because HE didn't like it. Basically in my opinion he turns up to have control so I can't ever say anything about his shitty behaviour because he will hit back at me with well I always turn up for contact and blame me for his lack of relationship with DS. He hasnt held DS in months. He Doesn't ask about him or anything he does or has done when he hasn't saw him. I honestly swear he is no use at all he just sits there. Then goes away and that's it until 2 weeks later.

OP’s posts: |
carly2803 Wed 19-Feb-20 19:28:21

game face on.

can he have DS while you do washing up or washing clothes etc? next room?
or sit in an adjoining room and write shopping lists/have a coffee?

StrawberryJam200 Wed 19-Feb-20 19:33:00

How does your DS react to him being there?

Mintjulia Wed 19-Feb-20 19:42:15

Remove any available coffee & tea, and turn the heating off.

Lose the TV remote, hoover loudly around his feet. smile

stressed05 Wed 19-Feb-20 19:43:08

@CalleighDoodle I tried going in the kitchen before but he just leaves DS in the room to come and stand talking to me and I've had to tell him to go back through or anything could happen. @StrawberryJam200 now it's got to the point DS screams when he comes in, then he settles and just walks about playing with his wee toys as long as his dad doesn't try and pick him up or anything. It's a nightmare

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stressed05 Wed 19-Feb-20 19:43:47

@Mintjulia that's a great idea! 😉

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Mintjulia Wed 19-Feb-20 19:53:31

It works best if the six nations is on. Wait for a key moment and turn the mains power off.

If he insists on coming round, you might as well have some fun.

StrawberryJam200 Wed 19-Feb-20 22:41:09

Why do you think e screams, but then calms down OP?

stressed05 Wed 19-Feb-20 23:11:23

@StrawberryJam200 I think he is wary of him ( there's been issues with his lack of patience and he will get angry with him when he cries or does something he thinks he shouldn't be doing like knocking a toy over (he is one years old). This is amongst reasons why he can't be unsupervised. I think DS calms down because aslong as he isn't going to lift him up etc he just calms after a while sitting on my knee or playing with a toy but if he goes to lift him up or too close DS gets distraught.

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StrawberryJam200 Thu 20-Feb-20 00:09:17

If it upsets your son do you think it should continue? Is this court ordered supervised contact?

Bingeslayer Thu 20-Feb-20 00:14:46

You do not have to have him in your home,if he's not happy with soft play let him pay for contact centre,he's doing this for control over you,not to see his son!

stressed05 Thu 20-Feb-20 00:29:36

@StrawberryJam200 I wish I could take it through court and be listened to but I've heard so many horror stories about abusive unfit fathers being granted unsupervised access after a couple of months and with my DS not able to talk and tell me what's going on it really scares me which is why I've just kept it going where I can see what's happening

OP’s posts: |
stressed05 Thu 20-Feb-20 00:30:17

@Bingeslayer I know it's hard because he refuses to go anywhere but my house.

OP’s posts: |
StrawberryJam200 Thu 20-Feb-20 08:48:51

True OP, but not all cases. Have you evidence of abuse against you?
Also, what do you think your ex would do if you didn’t let him come round?

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