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Favourite grandchild.

(7 Posts)
Singlemum31 Sun 16-Feb-20 18:19:20

Hi all, just want some perspective on my situation so trying to put as much info on here has I can, I'm single mum to my children, i have one nearly teenager and 2 under 6. Child 1 dad isn't involved (never has been)
Child 2 and 3 dad is a waste of space. I currently do not work but am looking.
My mum and dad have helped me though out the years so much financially we would have nothing it it wasn't for them, they take us to butlins every year all paid for etc. If I need help with anything i.e diy car troubles (dad's a mechanic so does it all).
I really do not want to come across has ungrateful I appreciate everything they have done and still do for me and the kids BUT I just can't get my head around the favourite grandchild which is my eldest.
I get it they are really close we lived at there home till he was two, my mum was there when he was born so a really close bond. But it's starting to show on my other two now. Last night has really bothered me. My son rang his nan asking if he could stay.... of course he could, my 6year old was standing next to him and asked the same thing to which of course she couldn't, no reason has to why not, just not this week...... She starting sobbing.
She's never stayed there even tho she asks to, they never thing to see if the youngest want to do anything but take my son out regularly. He's just come back now, he's been mcdonalds symths toys. Nothing for my girls.
Am I right to be upset by this?
I'm not demanding they babysit my children but surely it should be same rules that apply and not just pick and choose.
I mentioned child's dads earlier has when I have mentioned this to her before the fact my eldest dad isn't around is why..... My girls dad doesn't do anything for them, take them out, have them by himself, so I was shocked at her logic.
Am I ungrateful/unreasonable?? Wrong for feeling like this?

OP’s posts: |
jenthehen Sun 16-Feb-20 18:32:32

I completely understand! My parents behave in exactly the same way (apart from the fact that they didn’t help me out with childcare when my children were young other than on the very odd occasion). My sister had the first Grandchild and that’s where the attention was always focused. Mine never got a look in. My children are now in their late teens, they don’t have a good relationship with their grandparents at all. (I was very close to my grandparents as a child and had hoped for the same for my children). My mum now asks if my children want to visit; they don’t, it’s too late.

GeekyGirl42 Sun 16-Feb-20 21:40:15

That sounds like such a difficult situation to handle. Do you have any siblings? If you are an only child, it could be that your parents haven't fully realised the impact. I wonder whether its to do with age? Could it be that your parents find the idea of 2 under 6 too much, but a teenager less so. Finally, it might be that they are trying to compensate for child 1's absent Dad, and don't fully understand the problem with the other two's Dad.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Mon 17-Feb-20 22:06:42

Maybe they just want to give him some space and time. Younger siblings tend to take up more time, have more activities centred around them etc.

Singlemum31 Tue 18-Feb-20 23:34:50

Thank you for your replies I'm not sure how to reply individually but I do have a brother who's just had a baby he will be 1 soon and she's the same to him has my girls,
I do agree about trying with my son more has his dad is not in the picture but they have seen and know how shite the ex has treated us too. Has for giving him space maybe another reason yes but to literally say yes to one grandchild and not the other not fair. I didn't expect her to have the two younger ones just eldest and 6year old has she wanted a sleepover at nanny's . My youngest woundnt go anyway she's stuck to my hip 😅

OP’s posts: |
davies308 Tue 18-Feb-20 23:39:30

I think it's common that the eldest grandchild become the favourite - my DC1 is the eldest on both sides and have thought this. However definitely not as noticeable as what's going on with you. I think I'd have to say something personally.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall Tue 18-Feb-20 23:43:16

My mum and grandparents are very close to ds1, we lived with my mum when he was born and my nana looked after him while I was at work

When he got older my mum had him one night a week but not ds2, big age gap. Ds1 is am adult now and ds2 is 17. He's been staying at hers once a week since he was about 9. She doesn't have ds3&4 as they are young 6&7

Maybe your mum will have them when they are older? I'm not sure how you deal with the younger dc getting upset, mine rarely ask to stsy at my mum's.

Maybe talk to your mum and say it's upsetting the 6 year old and see whst she says

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