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What's the likely outcome in court?

(17 Posts)
honeybunx Sat 01-Feb-20 20:54:14

With regards to child's father. He isn't on the birth certificate. DD is 14 months. Her father had contact 3/4 hours once a week ( his choice) for the first 6 months. This has decreased to virtually zero from then onwards with him making excuses etc. He sees her at my house around every 2/3 weeks on a Saturday for 1 hour when he can be bothered then leaves . You would be aswell saying he is a stranger to her. She screams in his presence because she doesn't really know him and he makes no effort with her at all. If anything he sighs when she cries. He doesn't ask about her and has never done anything for her care wise. He does nothing to help me out. Won't change a time or a day if I have something on and has never done any morning/ evening routines etc as he will only visit when it suits him. He has never had unsupervised contact because he has been too lazy to build a bond with her even after I've spoke to him about this numerous times. I'm seriously thinking about moving country ( still in the uk ) to get more support from my family as they all live there as I get zero here. We were never in a relationship. How would this go down in court if he took it that far? I'm thinking he maybe would just for control. I'm worried my 14 month old would have to go holidays with him etc at such a young age when he's never been there for her at all and worried she would have to travel a 10 hour round trip journey every other weekend or something. Basically it would create a better life for us , but I don't want to create that kind of scenario for my daughter if that would be the case. Best case scenario would be if he was committed to visiting etc and then when our daughter is a bit older she could go for school holidays etc. Looking for advice on what the court would likely order contact wise in this situation? Thanks.

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Doyoumind Sat 01-Feb-20 21:00:47

No one can really answer this for you. He probably couldn't stop you from going if you put forward a good case in court based on how it would benefit your DD but contact of some type will he awarded if he pursues it. Just how far are you looking to move?

Doyoumind Sat 01-Feb-20 21:01:32

Is it 5 hours in the car or by train?

Starlight456 Sat 01-Feb-20 21:04:27

I would ask a solicitor. As he doesn’t have or I don’t think he can stop you but could obviously go to court for pr and to contest.

honeybunx Sat 01-Feb-20 21:07:17

@Doyoumind it's 5 hours away by car. See if he was to get contact through court then I wouldn't object to it and I never have stopped him seeing her when he has asked but it would hopefully mean him having to travel as she is such a young age and doesn't really know him. All i would be worried about is them awarding contact where he could take her for weekends etc where he has never been involved in her care or life really apart from an hour visit every so often ( his choice ). It's a tough one.

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honeybunx Sat 01-Feb-20 21:08:46

@Starlight456 thanks. I will see a solicitor for more advice.

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blackhorses Sat 01-Feb-20 21:15:21

Are you doing any chasing at all to make the Saturday for 1 hour every couple of weeks contact happen? Are you making it easy for him at all? Helping out by fitting round his times etc? If so stop doing that and see how much he sees her without your encouragement.

You could put some sort of boundry in place (eg by saying he can see her every other saturday at 10am for example) and stick to it. And also keep a record of how often he shows up, keep copies of any texts cancelling etc (useful as proof of how little he is currently seeing her if it ever came to court)

Sad as it is to say, it looks to me like it's unlikely he wants to play a role in her life. If thats the case perhaps better that it phases out now and then you wait a couple of months and then move rather than moving whilst they are still having contact and risking him taking it to court . . .

toomanyleggings Sat 01-Feb-20 21:22:18

All I would say is that they don't seem to mess with the status quo a child is used to so I'd keep it to as little as possible and hope he doesn't push for more. 5 hours away is too far for a child and once they start school it would have a negative impact on friendships and extra curricular as well as being exhausting for the child. Get your dc enrolled in a few clubs on a Saturday and Sunday as soon as you can and keep documentation to prove it. I can't see him getting anywhere with the courts for any significant amount of access. If he was that arsed he'd move closer so that speaks volumes

Supersimkin2 Sat 01-Feb-20 21:24:36

Is anything in writing to suggest he is the father?

combatbarbie Sat 01-Feb-20 21:34:36

If he isn't on BC and has very little contact, I'd be inclined to just move.

honeybunx Sat 01-Feb-20 21:49:04

@Supersimkin2 .. well he isn't on the birth certificate so just texts etc. Thanks for the advice @blackhorses @toomanyleggings @combatbarbie x

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PracticallySpeaking Sat 01-Feb-20 22:25:34

As far as I understand it OP, if he’s not on the birth certificate then he doesn’t have parental authority and cannot stop you moving abroad.

So if you really feel you need to move to have more family support and you will be happier there then I would move NOW, right now! Before he has any sort of court order

Supersimkin2 Sat 01-Feb-20 22:48:18

You can go tonight if you want.

honeybunx Sat 01-Feb-20 22:51:04

@PracticallySpeaking I know our life would be so much happier there. If not it will be hell for years the way it's going x. @Supersimkin2 thanks x

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blackhorses Sun 02-Feb-20 08:06:14

Another thought - can you suggest moving contact to soft play / park / macdonals etc (something out of the house) starting now? You could say to dad it's to try and make the time more fun for her.
Assume that in a few months he is seeing her for 1 hour on a saturday once a month and you move house. You could just commit to doing the drive once a month without making any change to the contact initially. Then perhaps offer three hours every two months (ie increasing his contact) which would be workable with that sort of drive in my opinion.

honeybunx Sun 02-Feb-20 13:14:31

@blackhorses yeah that could maybe work smile

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honeybunx Sun 02-Feb-20 14:56:30

Bump smile

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