Single mom to be

[Jessicahlauren]

Hey.
I’m 22 weeks pregnant and my partner left me around 4 weeks ago. He says he still wants to be a part of the baby’s life but it’s me he doesn’t want. It came completely out of the blue and I’m just terrified of my future. I didn’t sign up to do this on my own.

I suffer with my mental health and am under a perinatal psychiatrist that I’m seeing next at the end of Feb.

I was always adamant I didn’t want children but he really did so when I got pregnant (unplanned) he reassured me we could do this and promised me he’d never been happier and I genuinely thought we’d be together forever. I’ve contemplated a termination but I just don’t think I could go through with it now I’ve become attached.

I work full time, unsociable hours and my home is included with my job (I run a pub) where I’m expected to work 48 hours a week including nights and weekends. I have no family close by as I moved just before I found out I was pregnant.

I guess I’m just scared and I don’t know how I’m going to do this. My career is probably going to be over as I can’t see a way of maintaining my job and childcare. My ex has already stated he would want the child on a weekend but why is this acceptable when my whole life will change?

He didn’t even come to the 20 week scan and whenever I’ve tried to talk I just get angry at the fact he left me. Any advice on what I do next?

[Tiredtiredtired100]

I didn’t want to read and run. It sounds to me like you need to consider returning home to near your family and friends. If you don’t have many friends there baby groups will be a good way to meet people if you go regularly. I was left alone at 10 weeks and was in pieces, so went home just for the support but then decided to stay. Even if you don’t move back him I think taking some time of work and going home for a few days/a week would probably be good if you can.

[Tiredtiredtired100]

P.s. also ask to speak to your midwife/perinatal psychologist ASAP as the end of feb is a long time to wait and you need real life support now by the sound of it. I promise you that things will work out, but I also know this is terrifying right now and you need some help in figuring out your options.

[mangomangodurian]

Hi, I read this post just now. Wondering how things ended up for you?

[Rosenotred]

Me too just realised the date @Jessicahlauren how did everything go?

[Jessicahlauren]

Hey 👋🏻

reading this back, I forgot what a dark place I was in at the time of writing.

so, it’s a long one but if you’re interested here we go 😅

We ended up getting back together. Lots of conversations led to me realising the reason he was walking away was because he had a gambling problem (which I knew about) and had lost in excess of £2000 and was too scared to tell me so he ended things.

I told him I’d be willing to try again if he got help for his addiction, and he agreed to. We welcomed a beautiful baby boy in May 2020, and following his birth I became very unwell and collapsed, needed 6 blood transfusions and my partner was sure I would die. I have little to no recollection of what happened after I gave birth but I was in hospital for a while and my partner had to tend to baby as I was unconscious until the next day.

as awful and traumatic as the experience was, it gave him the wake up call he needed. Our little boy also had a birth defect go undetected and needed surgery at 3 weeks old and he was our rock. I could not have got through it without him, he is a wonderful dad.

he still receives therapy for his addiction which I think was the game changer for our relationship. We found out I was pregnant last October. Since then we’ve bought a house, I lost my mom in February and we were blessed with a baby girl this June.

i can’t believe how things turned out after re-reading my initial post.

thanks for those asking how it ended up.

[Rosenotred]

So nice to read an update OP! Hope all goes well.

[mangomangodurian]

Wow. Good to hear things are going well.