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You know, i liked it better when he had no interest in ds, every week without fail i would like to shake him

(8 Posts)
nightowl Tue 28-Aug-07 19:14:48

This week im bitter because....

I go to work and buy everything for ds, fund his hobbies, go out of my way to do things to make him happy while daddy sits on his ass all day with his gf and her kid. (ok so a bit of history, he lost his job due to attitude (seen it all before) but apparently has a condition which makes it impossible for him to work at the moment hmm, benefit of the doubt though as he's always worked).

when ds started staying at his dad's house, his stuff bit by bit started going missing, so i bought him new clothes, which are now going missing. he's coming back dressed like a tramp in faded old clothes, several sizes too small (her child's clothes)(bet ds's new clothes will fit her kid lovely soon). dad hasnt bought him a birthday present, or even a birthday card, wouldn't attend his party (yet again, despite the fact i invited her and her child too). dad is also now refusing to take him to his hobbies while ds is staying with him (which i still have to pay for btw) because hes "going out" (exp that is, he's not taking ds with him, ds will be in the house with exp's gf and her child).

so why even have ds stay there? im beginning to wonder if he's just being used as a distraction to keep her kid busy angry.

honestly why do i bother? months ago i was selling most of my clothes on ebay to get funds together to make sure ds had a decent birthday as i was severely in it at the time (through no fault of my own i hasten to add), and this twit, who pays me not a penny maintenance, wastes my money, and despite the fact, he's had months to cobble some money together for ds's birthday, he still hasnt...and ds comes home telling me that they bought her kid a psp for his birthday etc etc, and that they go away for weekends to the seaside, and they are decorating.

i realise that actually sounds like jealousy and its not, they more or less have the same things we do, and he has always worked in the past even if he's been a fool with his money. this is perhaps my point. i realise he may not have much money at the moment and ive been in that situation too so i do understand. however, having to claim benefit to me is not a valid excuse, because i always managed to buy everything ds needed when i had to claim..so i dont think a birthday present is an unreasonable request. im not unreasonable, i cancelled the claim through the csa as soon as he lost his job to make life easier for him (wasnt a "malicious" claim anyway, we had both agreed to the pittance he paid me when he was earning a decent wage).

it his lack of thought...and well now i just think he's taking the piss tbh. he's paid me nothing since christmas, doesnt help me with uniform and cant even be arsed to get a present for ds. he's always been like this when he's working too. although im now earning more than i was i'm far from loaded!

i actually wish he'd sod off again. i really feel like he's just using ds as a playmate for his gf's child because as the last 8 years, he has no interest in him whatsoever and this seems to continue, despite his sudden erm..."eagerness?" to have his child stay with him. i guess it goes a lot deeper than the money issue, im probably scared ds is being used, as his dad's attitude generally seems to indicate that and i can see it all ending in tears.

ok...am i just been taken for a fool here?

more than that...ds hasn't said anything the sweet gentle boy that he is but it must hurt to see this other child being favoured.

thanks, btw, if you read that far...its a bit of a ramble again!

fransmom Tue 28-Aug-07 23:22:48

i am just off to bed but will post more tomorrow. i didn't want your thread to go unanswered (sp?) nite x

TotalChaos Tue 28-Aug-07 23:26:37

it doesn't sound good, that he won't even get DS a birthday present. How does DS feel about staying over? Just wondering if it would be better for DS;s time at their house to be restricted or that he should not stay over - at least there shouldn't be an excuse for the clothes going walkies!

orangehead Tue 28-Aug-07 23:35:40

how old yr ds? not much advice (2 tired 2 think) but just 2 let u know yr not alone. i dont know why some men bother when they clearly dont care. in middle of going to court with my xh, long story, but he doesnt give a damn about 2ds i think he only doing it 2 try and have some control over me. it makes me angry that men seem 2 get away with behaving like this but when women treat they children badly they get branded the biggest bitch of the year. Anyway for a start i think u should demand the clothes back that he goes in, and try to take some control over the situation.

turquoisenights Wed 29-Aug-07 00:07:11

i am sorry for what happened to you nightowl.
i agree that you should ask where his nice clothes had gone.
i have started a new thread about why men can easily escape from their responsibilities. but this situation of yours is harder, he is giving damage.
i think you should sort it out.
wish you good luck and all the best.

EscapeFrom Wed 29-Aug-07 00:19:36

Utter utter twatting bastard. Your poor poor ds, that must hurt so much.sad

Tinkerbel5 Wed 29-Aug-07 11:37:00

nightowl from an outsider looking in he is taking you for a ride ! your ex hasnt bought your son a birthday present, doesnt stick to routine, keeps your son's clothes, doesnt pay you maintenance and doesnt help out with school uniform, so what does he do ????? sounds like he is using your son as a distraction for the girlfriends son so him and his girlfriend dont have to do anything with them angry

fransmom Thu 13-Sep-07 22:31:17

nightowl hows you sweetheart? fm x

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