Am I being unreasonable?

[Lifeasamum]

Am I being unfair To expect kids dad to watch his kids if they are Sick on his weekend? Every time children get sick he calls me and expects me to drop everything including work to collect them. I recently had a 12 hour shift lone working as a carer and he refused to have them My employer is aware he has them on the weekends I work and I’m so afraid I will lose my job if this continues to happen. Anyone been in this situation and knows how I can resolve this issue?

[PorpentinaScamander]

No advice I'm afraid
My ex is the same. :( if hes sick, if his wife is sick, if his other DC are sick, if our DC are sick. All reasons to cancel.

[ApplePie99]

My ex will have DC if they are sick (but not d&v), but won't have them if he's sick, even just a cold. And sometimes if his new partner and new baby are poorly too. Meanwhile I can be projectile vomiting but don't have the luxury of saying Nope I can't have them today! Infuriating.

[hippy1952]

Just say no!

[Lifeasamum]

I do say no but then get all sorts thrown at me my DD woke up being sick at midnight and he rang me and demanded I collect her as she's sick i had to collect her at 12.45 at night being sick he wouldn't take no as a answer. I'm just wondering if I should get legal advice regarding this as I can't keep doing this he has just as much responsibility as I do

[NooNooMummy]

Yes , get legal advice. And I'll be following to see what they tell you!

So sorry you're going through this. It seems so wrong that he can be allowed to impact your work in this way.

Unfortunately, I've not been able to resolve a similar situation - ex sees DD rarely, cancelled frequently at short notice (tho' not so much recently since he chose to reduce his contact time via court) and, apparently, none of this is particularly relevant when determining what's best for child - if he doesn't want to see her, a court won't force him. This is was what happened in our case. Meanwhile, my inability to do work that I'd saved for weekends DD was supposed to be with him, inability to deliver projects when promised and sheer exhaustion from months of childcare without a break - well, the impact on my career just isn't relevant, is it?

[Sotiredofthislife]

Don’t answer your phone.

[NooNooMummy]

Don't answer your phone
In my experience, that's frowned upon by CAFCASS...

[Lifeasamum]

It's so frustrating isn't it? I will be getting legal advice and hopefully I can get it set that when in his care he has to parent DD even when sick. I just want to provide And look after our kids, he doesn't just impact my work he really knows how to get to me making me feel so bad for going to work whilst my DD is sick but I can't afford to lose 12 hours worth of wages for sickness which he is more than capable of dealing with. Bless you @NooNooMummy what an amazing mum you are juggling it all.

[ApplePie99]

OP what would happen if you were asleep when he rang? Do you not put your phone on silent at night?

[Lifeasamum]

@ApplePie99 my phone is always on loud due to alarm going off for work even tho I have been known to snooze it off 🤣

[slipperywhensparticus]

My ex used to drive to my place of work wait outside for an hour with the kids in the car in the summer and hand them over to me the kids would be hungry thirsty pissed off and unimpressed at sitting in traffic for 45 minutes the joke is he lived 10 minutes from my home he did it deliberately to be a cunt to his own kids it's why I no longer have a job

[Lifeasamum]

@slipperywhensparticus oh wow sounds like a nice guy 😡 that's so bad. It makes you think what goes through his head to want to sit in the car in the summer with the kids. I don't blame you if this carries on I won't have a job

[NooNooMummy]

@slipperywhensparticus - I don't understand how this is even legal. The things we go through and society just accepts it! (Me: no longer employed and now juggling as a freelancer. I wonder why.... 🙄)

OP - YOU are amazing. Keep going!

[Sotiredofthislife]

In my experience, that's frowned upon by CAFCASS

I hope not. When I hand over my children to my ex, as far as I’m concerned he’s an equal parent totally capable of making decisions about what they do/where they go/if they need health care etc. If I don’t want to answer my phone, I won’t. If it’s important, leave a message. How will CAFCASS cope when a parent is out and about shopping for hours and doesn’t hear or check their phone till getting on the bus home? Or it dies whilst out and about? Or it’s accidentally left in the car?

Shit happens - both parents and CAFCASS - need to live in the real world. Separated parenting is just that: separate.

[Mubbles]

Just say no, he's a dad and looking after them when they are sick is part of the parenting gig.

Tell him you are busy and not at home, then he can't drive them over.

It's your time. If you are out at 12.45am you are out. What can he do about it?

[Tiredtiredtired100]

Put your phone onto night mode. Mine is set so if the same person rings multiple times it would ring, but otherwise wouldn’t disturb. It doesn’t alter your alarm sounds at all.
Mostly though, just say ‘no you are currently the parent with responsibility’ and hang up, then ignore.