Asking ex for increase in child maintenance

[Jan1923]

Hi I'm looking for some advice please.

I've been separated from my LG father for 3 yrs. LG lives with myself and spends most weekends with her father.

Currently since Feb 2018 he pays £45 a month and half if school uniform or club is needed. I've done the calculation for Child maintenance and it says £50 a week. I agreed to this amount as the time I was suffering with my mental health and SS were previously involved.

On a few occasions when I have asked for an increade ex has said do I want SS involved again. He has said that instead of increase he would have our LG 2 days in the week and and every other weekend bring her approx 40 miles on the train to school!. Though I would still have to pick her and drop and his work which is approx 3 miles from me.

This would have been a ridiculous situation and very unsettling for LG.

I want to ask for an increase but I'm terrified of his reaction. I want to give him a chance before going to Child maintenance. I'm stuck for how to word it without inflaming the situation. I would very much appreciate advice thank you.
Reply: 0
Views: 0
Started: 29 December 2019 at 5.57 PM


Child Maintenance Options
Netmums / Drop-In Clinic



Page loaded in 0.259 seconds
Go to desktop site

Most popular chat
Becoming a mum
Am I pregnant?
Early pregnancy signs & symptoms
Trying To Conceive Clubs
Being a mum
Baby and child health
Toddlers (1-3 years)
Tween and teens
Money advice
Benefits & entitlements
Budgeting
Child maintenance options
Life
Family & other relationships
Sexual health & contraception
Hair & beauty
Christmas
How many gifts do you buy for your children?
The ultimate Christmas food shopping list
How much do you spend on Christmas presents?
MOST VISITED THREADS
ABOUT US
CONTACT US
ADVERTISE WITH US
Join Netmums
Subscribe to Netmums' emails
Enter your email...
Follow us
Follow Netmums on Facebook
Follow Netmums on Twitter
Follow Netmums on Pinterest
Follow Netmums on Instagram
Terms and ConditionsPrivacy PolicyCookie PolicyCookie settings
© 2019 Netmums Ltd

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Am guessing you asked on netmums too?

Is an extra £5 a week going to be worth stirring him up?

[BuddhaAtSea]

Just go through CSA, let them deal with him.

[kimlo]

go to cms.

It's not £5 a week. Ss wont become involved, he is using that to control you.

[sameasiteverwasantiques]

So he's basically not even paying half of what he should be paying? Definitely ask him and if he says no then go through CMS. But don't forget you'll be paying for all uniform and clubs.

[conduitoffortune]

Just go to CMS. SS won't get involved, he obviously just knows this comment puts the shits up you.

[crochetandshit]

It's not an extra £5 a week never it's an extra £155 a month (roughly).

OP I would tell him the amount suggested from the online calculator, and tell him that this needs to start from next month.
If he responds as he has previously, then go to CMS directly.

Communication should be done by email or text, as SS will not be amused by him deeming you a fit parent until you request the minimum legal amount payable by him.

If he wishes to vary contact, then he needs to apply to court.

[Purpleartichoke]

Getting everything formalized is the better plan in almost all situations. Just go through CMS. I’d also get a written custody agreement in place. One that you can mutually agree to ignore if it suits everyone, but that you have to fall back on whenever disputes arise.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

Oh yeah sorry I misread that

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Go through the CMS. How often does he have her currently?

He’s trying to scare you and he knows you’re a safe parent to your child or he wouldn’t be leaving them with you most of the time!

[Greysparkles]

Why would SS become involved?? Am I missing something?
Why on earth would SS get involved in a man paying base minimum for his child?

[WireBrushAndDettolMaam]

Im guessing he is threatening to report you to SS for something if I ask for more money.

Just go straight through CMS OP.

[PumpkinP]

He’s threatening the op that he will report her to SS. We don’t know why they were previously involved so obviously he is using that as a threat.

I would go to cms personally.

[Jan1923]

@Annelovesgilbert. Currently everyweekend. Though has been varied. X

[Jan1923]

Thank you all. I'll send an email stating how much the calculation came to, if he doesn't agree will go the cms route. Ss were involved as I had a breakdown. X

[crochetandshit]

Presumably you complied, sought treatment and are well now op?
MH issues are nothing to be ashamed of, you should be proud of how far you have come.

You are stronger than you know and it is a cruel man that would threaten you with ss to avoid paying the legal minimum for a child he is apparently desperately worried about in your care.

[DuchessMinnie]

CMS without a doubt. I did the same and am now getting £115 a month more than I was.

[Jan1923]

Thank you for your advice. I've just sent ex an email now to just wait x

[Jan1923]

Update ex has said he is not paying over 200 per month.

And would have LG 2days in the week and take her to school though he lives 40 miles from the school and doesn't drive he said I'd have to pick her up! From school and he'll get her from my house! So that's not equal care and it will be disruptive for my LG

When I ask for amount stated on government website for maintenance, said I get child benefits and tax credit and he pays tax so paying there!

He's offered an extra £25 per month so £70 per mouth at the original agreement of he has LG weekends.

[PumpkinP]

It’s up to you what you want to do? If he calls ss then surely they will see it’s malicious? So why let that stop you?

[sue51]

That’s a ridiculously low amount to support his own charge. Go through CMS. Maybe it might be a good idea to have contact formalised through a court order. It is not in your daughter’s interest to have an 80 mile round trip to school so I can’t see your ex getting his way there. I can understand why he’s an ex.

[sue51]

Child not charge.

[averythinline]

Go to cms tell him if he wants to change access dates he can a n take you to court...
You don't have to get her nobody is going to make her travel all that way to school

[sameasiteverwasantiques]

What hours does he work?

[slipperywhensparticus]

Tell him you will apply to mediation and csa and social services wont take kindly to him threatening you and a 40 mile trip to school? No one sees this as reasonable it's not thinking about the child

[Coughy4u]

CMS