Bad behaviour when back from dads

Calm consistent behaviour is the key

My ex used to dope the kids up on sugar before returning them he even gave them four BOXES of haribo two they ate there two he sent home (they had been opened) he then reported me to children's services for it I told them to check my bin because I had thrown them out (my sen son had most of his teeth removed he was accusing me of neglect even though he was the one giving them the junk 🤷‍♀️)

As a teacher I have one or two children whose behaviour changes after a night at the other parent’s house. Certainly not all of them but for some you can definitely tell.

Keep a diary. Document everything. Keep your GP and health visitor informed. She is reacting to whatever is going on at her dad's place and the way he is parenting.

My two are 12 and 10 and are very hyperactive when they come back from their dads, every week. It's nothing to do with his parenting in our case as we have very similar styles. They've always been like it. I think it's just the change. They calm down eventually.

My DD would often be really grumpy and badly behaved when she came back from ex.

It turned out that he was very very strict with her and the poor child was on tenterhooks all weekend.

As she got older she was able to deal with him better. All very sad that she had to.

Hopefully as your DD gets older things will improve.

Sorry. Posted too soon... As hard as it was... I would just stay really calm when she came home. After a couple of hours she'd calm down. I think it was her anger at how he was treating her. She felt comfortable lashing out at me, not him.

Take it as a compliment that she can let it all out with you.

It will get better.

could she stay at his more regularly as every other week is a life time for a young child that age? the more normal the visits become the more consistent her behaviour could become.

Also if you can try to get on with your ex it will make life so much easier for all of you, especially her?

Calm consistent reassurance. Early bed times, plenty of water and as little sugar/junk food as possible.

Keep screen time to a minimum. Read her bed time stories & restore her routine.

I had this with my eldest,

Actually found that increasing contact helped.

I found that she would almost be angry at me when she got back.

When she went more often i found the transition less severe. Maybe because she knew she would see dad sooner so did'nt act out as much.

A what time is he bringing her back?

DS was the same, I think the main problem was that his routine was getting totally out of track and small children are very sensitive to these changes.

I would say, yes document everything but do not discard the possibility that your ex may be over indulging her when he is with him (whether it is too many sweets, too many activities or getting her what she wants on every tantrum) and she may be expecting you to do the same.

Personally, I found it helped for DS to have a long warm bath as soon as he got home and a quiet night. He was back to normal as soon as we went back into routine on the following morning.

And I agree that increasing contact helps. Spending a day alone every 2 weeks with someone they hardly know is not easy for a 2 year old (and ignore your doctor, your child cannot miss her parents being together if she has no memories of you together)

When mine came home from dads at a young age, I had very much the same. I think it is difficult for them to adjust each way and they do have to behave differently at the different houses.

I found they needed unwind and adjust time. No pressure so we used to all sit on the sofa and cuddle and watch a film or TV. Not much chatting. Always cheerful and quiet.

Looking at the school gates, I would say the most common arrangement is Wenesday’s evenings and every other weekend (2-3 nights on the weekend) but I would say that perhaps that is too much to start with for such a young child who has not had regular day to day contact with their dad.

2 weeks is a very long time for a young child, if she only see him a day every 2 weeks she may feel as if she is being sent to stay with a stranger every 14 days. Is there any chance your ex would agree to see her at least for a few hours once in a weekday?

This is a bit of a difficult one, as you cannot possibly get them to spend more time with her than he wants or suggest what they can do in their free time to ease the problem. 😕

We added in a week day dinner time and that really helped.

Then gradually increased weekend contact as she got older.