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Ex threatening not to return DC

(22 Posts)
Hullabalooo Thu 26-Dec-19 17:34:52

I dropped off DC to abusive ex on Christmas eve. This should have taken 1 -2 minutes at most but he then doorstepped me about some minor inconsistency in the child arrangement order and said he therefore wasn't bringing dc back om agreed date.

I said I'd call the police if he didn't.

What rights do i have? DC officially lives with me (through the child arrangement order) and i am the main parent but ex does have parental responsibility.

Can i call the police or what do i do/ other options do i have?

OP’s posts: |
whataballbag Thu 26-Dec-19 17:36:06

You can call the police, however if there's no power of arrest attached to the order there's not much they can do apart from a welfare check.

Solicitor ASAP, emergency application for the order to be enforced and the kids returned to you.

So sorry you're going through this

RandomMess Thu 26-Dec-19 17:36:54

Go to court to enforce the order and ask if from now on it can have the condition that he can be arrested for non return added onto it.

Hullabalooo Thu 26-Dec-19 18:32:41

Thanks both. Appreciate you taking time out of your festivities to help.

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Hullabalooo Thu 26-Dec-19 18:33:22

@randommess do i have to make a new application to the court or a change to an existing one?

OP’s posts: |
Hullabalooo Thu 26-Dec-19 18:34:29

Thanks @whataballbag emailed solicitor but she's on annual leave until 2nd Jan. Difficult time of year to get help on that front.

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Thu 26-Dec-19 18:37:15

Ask on legal board?

Hullabalooo Thu 26-Dec-19 18:48:28

Thanks. I will do!

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IndieTara Thu 26-Dec-19 19:09:10

You need a Prohibitive Steps order really but if your CAO clearly sets out the contact arrangements and the police can see he is in breach of the order the police can intervene.
That is what my solicitor told me when My XH dis actually refuse to give DD back to me

Hullabalooo Thu 26-Dec-19 19:14:49

Thank you for this. How do i gain a prohibited steps order?

OP’s posts: |
IndieTara Thu 26-Dec-19 19:42:01

Your solicitor can help but essentially it's a separate type of court order. You can also do it direct with the court.

Hullabalooo Sat 28-Dec-19 20:04:45

Thanks all. I really appreciate the advice and support..its been an utterly exhausting and stressful Christmas this year which i now realise is exactly what he wanted.

He finally got in touch today to say that i could have him back on the proviso that i sent him back again to his in a couple of days although that would be a contravention of the child arrangement order as he's not due to have him again till second week of new year.

If anything would different maybe that would be ok but it'll totally invalidate the order if i do and although he took me to court, its actually turned out to be a big help having it all set out in writing.

He also accused me of abuse (for telling him not to mess me about) and threatened me with the police despite the fact that I've done nothing wrong.

I didn't reply to this but he's actually returned DC later this evening! Such a relief!

I will contact the solicitor on 2nd and see what can be done as this happens every time there's a holiday since he lost the court case a few months back. Ex seeks a loophole to CAO, uses that as leverage to threaten not to return DC and then makes out that I'm mad.

He's done a great job of stitching me up. This man is a menace and it all feels like a bloody prison sentence having to deal with him..DC small so unfortunately years of it to go.

DC came home and said 'i hate daddy'. Sigh.

Merry Christmas everyone 😕

OP’s posts: |
flossletsfloss Sat 28-Dec-19 20:15:03

What a horrible situation for you, I can't imagine how stressful that was. How old is your child?I'd be concerned that there is hatred for daddy and I'd wonder why. I would investigate that for sure.

Doyoumind Sat 28-Dec-19 20:25:09

If the CAO has loopholes then I would apply for a variation to close them. I think it often happens. It happened to me despite me being very careful and making sure there was a lot of detail in it.

My abusive ex was also angry that the court ruled in my favour and spent a lot of time causing problems as a result.

Hullabalooo Sat 28-Dec-19 20:29:36

That's really helpful @doyoumind how do you go about applying for a variation? Is it costly? Does ex have to agree?

Sorry to hear you've had a challenging time too xx

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Hullabalooo Sat 28-Dec-19 20:30:37

@flossletsfloss dc is young.. just started school but currently receiving play therapy as a result of father's behaviour

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Doyoumind Sat 28-Dec-19 20:32:56

It's the same way you apply for a CAO. You complete the C100 form and pay £215. It means going back to court and you risk the court not agreeing with you but if you're asking for something reasonable then it might be worth it. See what your solicitor thinks.

Hullabalooo Sat 28-Dec-19 20:59:55

Thank you @doyoumind

I'm not sure i can face it all again but if things carry on as they are i guess I'll have to deal with it.. so tired of it all

OP’s posts: |
RandomMess Sat 28-Dec-19 21:29:01

Are there actually loopholes though or is he trying to make out there is?

I would ignore all these emails, perhaps reply to the first one "you know the terms of the CAO that we both need to abide by. If you aren't happy with it you need to take it back to court"

Grey rock/broken record response every time.

Hullabalooo Sat 28-Dec-19 21:29:45

Thank you @doyoumind

I'm not sure i can face it all again but if things carry on as they are i guess I'll have to deal with it.. so tired of it all.

OP’s posts: |
slipperywhensparticus Sat 28-Dec-19 21:32:05

You have the emails detailing his threats? I'm sure you will be ok

Evelyn5518 Mon 30-Dec-19 22:33:37

This pretty much happened to me
Me and my dd’s dad split up and we was coparenting amazingly, then he got with his sisters best friend and she turned him against me told him he wasn’t allowed to ever speak to me, told him she wanted me out the picture and be my daughters mum so he kept my daughter after his visit for 3 days!
I was going out my mind with worry at that point my daughter was only 10 months old and had never been away from me since she was born!
I sent police round every day but they couldn’t help me and unfortunately I don’t have a court order and he’s on the birth certificate.
I just had to sit and wait till he decided he’d had enough.

My daughter is now 20 months old and still to this day has major separation anxiety. She’s been going to nursery etc since 6 months old never had a problem until her dad did that and now she gets so upset even if I go to the toilet without her because she thinks I’m leaving her again, I can’t even touch my coat or she runs to me and clings On crying. It’s heartbreaking being a young single parent as it is and now even simple tasks like drop offs at my parents/nursery for work or even jobs round the house are now made a million times harder.

It’s sad that he did that to his daughter for a stupid reason. Knowing she’s never spent any time from me to just keep her to let his on and off girlfriend play mum to my daughter for a weekend sad

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