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Judgemental sister

(9 Posts)
PumpkinP Wed 27-Nov-19 18:14:40

I’m a lone parent to 4 (totally lone so ex is absent and has no involvement and hasn’t done in around 3 years.) I have 4 children oldest 8 youngest 2, I do it all alone as I have no family support. The only family I have are my sister and dad, and my dad doesn’t help as he is disabled and my sister would help in an absolute emergency, think hospital that kind of thing. I’ve not spent a night away from them in over 3 years. The only break I get is when the older 3 are at school but I’m still home with the youngest. That’s it.

I’m exhausted and don’t know how I’m surviving tbh, but I am just surviving that’s all. Life is an horrendous struggle and every day feels like a battle. My oldest has autism and the second oldest is awaiting an assessment, so I’m at home and receive carers allowance. I get constant phone calls from the school regarding my daughters behaviour and have to pick her up at the drop of a hat. I’ve had 3 calls in one week before! At one point she was on a reduced time able and I had to pick her up at 12.30. This meant taking them all down to the school, coming home returning to the school at 12.30 and then back to the school at 3.30 for the other two. All with a toddler in tow. I receive no maintenance as ex doesn’t work or claim benefits! That means we just get by. Anyway I’m not working due to all of this and don’t think it’s even possible with the constant phone calls from the school and zero help, but according to my sister I should be working and none of that is an “excuse” not to work. She said working isn’t a choice and called people who don’t work “scroungers” she made out like I was just being lazy, and will say stuff like “I know someone with 10 kids, partner died, no family and all the kids have disabilities yet she still works!” Ok not that exact thing but along those lines! Would anyone else find this upsetting? I haven’t spoken to her since because quite frankly I don’t need the judgement.

OP’s posts: |
Modestandatinybitsexy Wed 27-Nov-19 18:29:16

Ignore her. The only way you could work was if you were to earn enough to employ a full time nanny and also pay for everything else and that's just not reality for most people - let alone single parents!

I would normally advocate for working whenever possible but I don't see that there's a job you can do while also being available to support your dd and your kids are more important here.

On another note why's your dsis not pissed that your exp isn't supporting his kids in any way instead of judging you?

Louise91417 Wed 27-Nov-19 18:36:19

Sounds like you need to go to work to get break! Be great if you could get your sister to walk a mile in your shoes! If i was in your position i wouldnt be able to work, ot just isnt feasible...let her jog on, you dont need put downs like that and for what its worth sounds like your doing an amazing jobwink

PumpkinP Wed 27-Nov-19 18:42:28

On another note why's your dsis not pissed that your exp isn't supporting his kids in any way instead of judging you?

She never judges him when I said why did he have kids with me if he was just going to walk away she said “you mean you had HIS kids” as in to say it was all on me. I haven’t heard from him in 3 years and he doesn’t pay a penny but I’m the one who is judged.

OP’s posts: |
PumpkinP Wed 27-Nov-19 18:55:57

Sounds like you need to go to work to get break! Be great if you could get your sister to walk a mile in your shoes!

It’s not the only stuff she says, my house is a mess most of the time as keeping up with 4 little ones is hard work and she said my house should be spotless?! And that as I’m “home all day” it’s even more reason why it should be. She said her house would be spotless no matter how many kids she has. She really has no clue she only has one who lives with his dad!

OP’s posts: |
Polly111 Sat 30-Nov-19 18:37:37

Must be really hard never getting a break. Does your sister have kids? Sounds like she doesn’t have a clue! I know it’s hard but you need to ignore the nasty comments from her or not see her as that’s just going to make a difficult situation even worse.

PumpkinP Sat 30-Nov-19 20:36:40

She has one but he is 16, she actually said to me that she thinks having one is harder confused

OP’s posts: |
sue51 Sat 30-Nov-19 21:00:44

Your sister is an obnoxious, judgemental woman and has no idea of the realities of your life.

PollyPelargonium52 Mon 02-Dec-19 10:50:37

Is there any possibility of a live in au pair if you were working full time?

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