How often does other parent have child

[bluebunny123]

Hi all just looking for other people's situations. I've separated from my daughters dad and just looking to see how other people share care.

He's currently having her once a week from 11-5.

I'm open to overnights or visits after school if anyone does that.

[QuestionableMushroom]

My sons dad has been having him overnight once a week on a from 4 Sunday til tea time on the Monday since DS was 9mo.

[bluebunny123]

@QuestionableMushroom I would actually like him to have her overnight because I think she would enjoy it and I get a bit of time to myself as well.

I was thinking of suggesting Friday night from 5 until Saturday morning at 11:00 and then also seeing her after school during the week too. If he wants to that is the current arrangement is his choice but it's hard to work around parties and stuff she's invited to now she's in school.

[BraveGoldie]

I am truly 50/50. It's flexible according to our schedules and Ex lives 3 minute walk away. So from my daughter's perspective the two properties are almost extensions of each other.

He does half drop offs and pick ups. We will often have her for dinner with one of us then drop off for bed time with the other. She gets to choose where to go, if she likes, we are both around (often determined by who she thinks has the best dinner lined up!)

She stays over with him 2-3 nights a week average, and sees both of us for roughly half day chunks both weekend days. He will have whole weeks away with her traveling, as will I, in holiday times. We flex around our work and family commitments in both directions daily.

[FatherB]

It will depend on distance parents live from each other too. If you live further away then obviously contact will be less often but probably more substantial.

[bluebunny123]

We live about 20 minutes from each other so nothing major. I've suggested he have her this Friday until Saturday morning and he's agreed so we'll see how it goes and then I'll suggest it if it all goes well.

[Clangus00]

Very often people do every other weekend Friday after school until either Sunday teatime or drop off Monday morning at school, with an evening or overnight stay during the opposite week.
Then half school holidays and share/ swap year about some Hal days like birthday & Christmas.
What he's seeing her now is definitely disgustingly short, but you can't make him gave her if he refuses.

[Clangus00]

have

[bluebunny123]

At the minute I have her on the morning of her birthday and he has her afternoon/evening
And the Christmas Day I have her and he has her Boxing Day
It works quite well for us and he has no problem with that set up.
So in that sense I'm lucky because I know others don't see their kids every Christmas Day.

But for the day to day stuff I definitely think he should be having her more. Hopefully what I've suggested will be ok with him and we can go ahead with it.
Otherwise I'll suggest the every other weekend and see what he thinks.

[passthetea]

I'm recently separated from my DD's father (I have 3 teenagers aswell but their father is absent) atm he's having them every other weekend sat-sun. He pops in in the week and sees them too. He's staying here Xmas eve and leaving at 1pm then. We haven't spoken yet about what we'll do with the rest of the Xmas holidays but he has two weeks off work so will be having them for sure. I'd love for him to have them more but he's self employed and leaves at 5:30am and works mostly in London and doesn't get home until 6-7pm. I'm very lucky that we still get on, I think it helps loads.

[PumpkinP]

Not at all, hasn’t in 3 years but that’s his choice

[bluebunny123]

@PumpkinP he's the one missing out isn't he. Kids don't need an excuse for a father like that in their lives anyway

Thanks for all the advice everyone will see how Friday night goes and hopefully it can be a regular thing.

[NooNooMummy]

Oh, he sounds just like my ex!

I laughed out loud when I saw that he has her from 11am - god forbid that he should have to get up early!

I've actually been through the courts more than once in an attempt to get an order for him to spend an appropriate amount of time with DD. He lives close by and DD wanted it. I also needed it. The judge did actually say to him '[Mum] deserves a life too.' (He said, 'I'm entitled to have a life' when asked why he couldn't commit to more than a paltry amount of contact).

Unfortunately, the court will not force an absent father to spend more time with their child if they don't want to because it's considered not to be in the best interests of the child. Totally ignores how exhausted the single mother might be. It's shocking. So, if he refuses, be prepared to have nothing further that you can do. And, father's seem to know that - thank you helpful lawyers enabling absent fathers to continue with their abuse of their ex wives. 🙄

[user1483387154]

sunday after lunch to monday late afternoons. but currently nothing as he has been verbally abusive again and this time infront of our son.

[NooNooMummy]

And, apparently, it's fine for ex
to treat DD' friends birthday parties as optional - he's never once taken her to one on his days. There's nothing you can do.

[NooNooMummy]

Yes, after-school on Friday to Sunday eve/ drop-off at school on Monday is a lot of people's usual arrangement. Unless your ex is an arsehole in which case he'll pick up Sat morn (11 am -LOL) til Sunday afternoon and will still clim that he has them 'for the weekend.'

[NooNooMummy]

... thereby totally preventing mum from having a whole weekend to herself. (I just about manage to find time for lunch/ dinner with friends child-free but can never have a weekend away) Boo-hoo - Thanks arsehole.

[bluebunny123]

Sounds like there's a lot of dads like my daughters out there

He had her Friday night until Saturday lunchtime just gone and I've come to find out his girlfriend did absolutely everything. Got up with her, got her breakfast, showered and dressed her. Absolute joke.
When I got round there his excuse was he felt ill.

I'm going to text him tonight and say about him having her Fridays from now on.
It works so much better I feel like I get more of a break when he has her after a long work week lol

Hope the rest of you one day manage to get these fathers to show some interest. It's a crap situation

[Starlight456]

My ds’s dad last saw him 9 years ago for 2 hours . He is 12. Not a suggestion of contact schedule btw

[bluebunny123]

Well I've just suggested him having her Friday nights until Saturday mornings
He says he's busy until 6 on Fridays
I've said I can drop her round after 6
He seems to think there's no difference him having her Friday until Saturday than what he usually has her

I'm so angry! I asked him to come to her nativity he says no. I ask him to have her a few days around Christmas because I have to work he says it's too far ahead to think about.

I just give up if I could stop him seeing her altogether I would. Waste of air

[HalfMyLife]

Once a week after school from 3pm until 6pm. Gives me a whole 15 minutes to myself every week. And i should be grateful for that!!

[bluebunny123]

@HalfMyLife what is wrong with these men dealing with him is enough to put me off men for life!

[HalfMyLife]

@bluebunny123 - I have no idea - it makes my brain hurt dealing with him. How i was married to him for 20 years i do not know

[fulltimeworkingmotherof4]

He hasn't seen them since Xmas eve last year. His choice not me stopping him. They're 10 and 11 and the 12 year old is suffering because of it. He's a twat. Doesn't pay either.

[bluebunny123]

@fulltimeworkingmotherof4 they're probably better of without him by the sound of it. Shame they're struggling though

[longleggedgal]

I have 3 teenagers and they haven't seen they're dad in a decade