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I know the effects unreasonable ex's have on us as mums, but how do your children get affected by it. I have just sepnt 2 hours trying to console dd to sleeep, thru tears and shouting, her not me...

(11 Posts)
pirategirl Sun 19-Aug-07 00:17:04

I am sick of the pain she's going thur tbh. this evening she described that she has 'pain in her heart, ' and '3 empty spaces', her heart, her tummy and her chest'

This is because daddy doesnt live with us. I do the usual, tryingto make it better, just listeing, and then sometimes i say nothing. If i go to say soemthing she'll say 'i know , i know mummy but....' then describes that it will always hurt.

I feckin kills me, and i could commit murder.

my dd is 5 fgs. She cries like her soul is crying out, big wailing sobs. i just can't do anyhting to make it better.

Beauregard Sun 19-Aug-07 00:25:28

ah poor little thing
I am sooooooo sorry that you have/ are both being treated like this pirate.
She truly is a credit to you .
He is a coward and not fit to call himself a father.
for you both.
Much love

mamazon Sun 19-Aug-07 00:26:50

Its horrible isn't it.

im fighting contact at the moment but last time he had supervised contact with my two children (6 year old with autism and a 2 year old that barely knows him) he took along his sisters baby.

my son didn't know who the baby was and found it all very confusing. he was conviced that the baby belonged to his father and that this was why he didn'y live with us. he tried to jump out of teh car on teh way home saying he wanted to kill himself. he was hysterical over tey fact "daddy doesn't love us anymore cos he has got a new cute baby and me and DD are ugly"

i could have very easily gone back and ran him down.

as hard as it is you just have to continue doig what your doing. being there for her, listening and reminding her how much you love her and telling her that none of what is happenign is her fault.

snowwonder Sun 19-Aug-07 00:28:47

that is awful for you both....
i actually cried reading your post .. i have no advice really my dd was younger when we split, i do worry about the effect when she gets to school and realises other parents live together....

are there any books you can buy for children aimed at children

i think i once saw a video for kids about parents splitting up

hope it gets better soon

pirategirl Sun 19-Aug-07 00:30:44

mamazon, your poor little boy, my heart goes out to you. i am so scared they will be affected all their lives by this.

I was really affected my my dad not being there much, and not able to really express myslef. I just hope my dd will be better off, becuase I encourage her to talk and let it out.

reminds me of that quote from the film the Krays.
'men...they're born children and they stay children all their f*ing lives'

Wtf was he doinf bringing another baby to the visit, what are THEY ON half the time.


mamazon Sun 19-Aug-07 00:33:49

my sentiments exactly.

its hard as you feel such anger towards them yet guilt and sadness at the same time.

i go through waves of wanting to hire a hitman for my ex and wanting to sit and cry for days on end.

i just wish there was a wake up pill they could give men to allow them to understand what affect their behaviour has on their children.

and when im in a bad mood i wish that teh after effect of that pill was cyanide

pirategirl Sun 19-Aug-07 00:35:37

yes the to the hitman, just to rid us of the crap.

I feel like i am in groundhog day. It's like, ok you left, but every day i am reminded that you left. it will not let me off the hook.

allgonebellyup Sun 19-Aug-07 11:34:22

mamazon, i dont think it was too bad for your ex to take along your sister's baby, surely he should have just explained who the baby belonged to?
i dont think thats a reason to fight against contact imo.

my now ex takes along all his mates and his girlfriend when they see my ds and i have no say about it! i wouldnt dream of stopping contact between them though..

Tinkerbel5 Sun 19-Aug-07 11:57:58

I dont see the relevance of taking the baby along tbh and I would question why he did that, surely mamazon the time that your ex spends with his children should be special and their time to have their daddy to themselves

pirategirl hope the pain eases for your daughter, bless her, she is time will get used to it, shame your ex cant see the tears that are shed

mamazon Mon 20-Aug-07 16:37:25

i am stopping contact because he spent every day of our 7 years together beating and raping me, quite often in front of my children Allie.

it was wrong of him to bring the baby along as he was having 1.5 hours of supervised contact with two children he hadn't seen in over a year, who had no idea who this child was and when he was meant to be proving he was capable of acting appropriatley.

no he couldn't have just explained who teh baby was, he had apparantly tried but sadly my autistic son doesn't understand logical thought.

pirategirl Mon 20-Aug-07 17:28:05

(((((hugs)))))) mamazon.

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