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Benefits and arrangements entitled too

(9 Posts)
babyonway2020 Tue 05-Nov-19 22:14:13

Thanks all for responses. We did discuss it before the baby but then he has changed his mind and wants everything his way or the highway. I’m going to do the official route I think as covers all bases and it’s what he should be doing as a minimum. Just good to get a few others to rationalise my thinking. It’s really appreciated thank you

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Ineedanamechange79 Tue 05-Nov-19 20:36:09

Did you not discuss how this was going to work before you decided to have a baby? He sounds like an utter waste of time. I would get rid completely and claim cms, otherwise you are going to end up taking care of two children.

catspyjamas123 Tue 05-Nov-19 20:25:39

If he isn’t going to live with you and is barely in a relationship with you then he will just have you put up with you going to CMS. He should be paying towards his child and at the moment he is putting it all on you - not fair or right. I’d tell him that you will go to CMS unless you agree something between yourselves which is obviously more civilised and should be at least as much as CMS.

babyonway2020 Tue 05-Nov-19 20:23:08

By the way it's so nice to get responses. Thank you. Sat in again on my own worrying about the things outside of my control. So nice to have strangers that care. Thank you

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babyonway2020 Tue 05-Nov-19 20:21:14

I know he isn't a catch atm, I'm not really sure he ever was! Unfortunately it's too late go back so I'm trying to stay hopeful but as time goes on and my mind wanders I know I'll be a single Mum - which actually excites me more!
I'm just not sure he will like me going to CSA and doing things properly, he is very slapdash about things. But I know I'll struggle if I don't get legal t&cs in place.
One saving grace is my sister is a childminder and will offer cheaper day rates to me, plus she's my birthing partner so I feel completely lucky to have outside support. I guess this is why he thinks he can cut corners and not contribute as he sees me as 'sorted' because I have help but I'm just worrying as only 16 weeks left to go and he hasn't done a thing to help with my worries.

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catspyjamas123 Tue 05-Nov-19 19:58:43

Don’t let him move in! That will eventually give him a claim on the house. He clearly isn’t willing to pay towards his child - not much of a catch. How will you cope when you go back to work? Have you researched childcare options? Be warned - the cost is crippling.

babyonway2020 Tue 05-Nov-19 19:55:50

Thanks for your reply!
I do know how much he earns and have done it on the calculator and it's £211 a month but if we are technically together as a couple but living separately does that mean he doesn't have to contribute?
To be honest I don't think we will last but I'm mentally planning for the worst

OP’s posts: |
oreomum Tue 05-Nov-19 19:29:11

Do you know how much he earns? There are Child Maintenenace Calculators if you are interested in how much he'd have to pay you if you weren't together.

babyonway2020 Tue 05-Nov-19 13:16:43

My first post so here I go....
My partner and I live separately as we haven't been together for long but both agreed to have our baby. Now I'm wondering as I own my house im stuck with a mortgage and bills with the risk of losing it should I miss payments once baby is here. I will receive SMP mat pay but this doesn't even cover the mortgage.
My partner is on rented accommodation and sub lets the spare rooms and his rental is only £350 per month. He already has a daughter and pays above the going rate which equates to £350 a month to his ex wife.
Now if we are living separately should he pay me CSA payments of £211 a month (that plus the SMP would still not cover my mortgage) I have also saved £8k since finding out I was pregnancy by selling jewellery and cashing in on shares I had vested. He has saved nothing and says he cannot afford to even contribute £50 a week to a savings account.
However, with just my savings and SMP still this would only allow me to take off 5 months once baby is here as my outgoings to run a house on my own are £1600 a month.
What am I entitled to do? Could I still claim CSA if we are in a relationship! I feel like I cannot talk to him about this as previously I had a great job and earnt double his wage on my basic but taxed 50% so means about the same but he doesn't get it! Unfortunately this isn't the case anymore as I won't be getting anything other than SMP - which isn't liveable for past 5 months once baby is born. He sees me as well off because I own my own house but this just isn't the case as my situation has drastically changed. I don't have savings other than what I've been able to sell and have nothing left to sell!
He seems to prioritise his first daughter and she is spoilt in my eyes but that I keep to myself as isnt my place to comment. But I feel very nervous about how I'm going to afford to support our baby and a mortgage, plus I'm selling my car too so won't have transport. It really feels one sided at the moment but as our baby isn't due until next year he thinks he has loads of time to sort it out. Moreover he has said not to buy anything as we will get gifts at the baby shower - it drives me insane as this isn't the way I have been brought up. In secret I've been buying things from eBay to ensure we have a Moses basket and baby clothes etc ahead of time.
Just worrying as not sure if should ask him for £200 a month or if I'm even entitled to it as I've not been a mum before and never thought I would be skint!
His answer is he should move into my house which I don't want as it's too soon and we argue quite abit since pregnancy. Probably because I worry so much!
Help or advice appreciated
Thank you

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