Dad trying to bypass mum to arrange access

[MrsAjar17]

Hi, first time post!
My ex husband and I came to an agreement that he will have our daughter every other fortnight for the weekend when we split up two years ago. However, he keeps trying to bypass me entirely and make all access arrangements through our daughter (12) for example, if he is late to pick her up he will only text her to let her know and not inform me . I have asked him several times to make any arrangements through me (the adult) rather than use our daughter as a go between. He refuses to understand that she is just a child and messages don’t always get passed onto me and continues to do exactly as he wants. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to communicate with me to make/change arrangements to see her and other plans? This has happened several times with various different things and despite me asking him several times he continues to communicate only through our daughter.

[carly2803]

YANBU - I would go with your actual contact, if he dosent like it he will soon get the message its unreasonable

[Poppinjay]

A friend managed this issue two ways:

1. She created a group chat for the three of them and told him to arrange contact on there so they could all see what was decided. SHe told her DC not to respond to messages about contact on anything else.

1. When her ex arranged contact direct with the DC she made other plans and when he turned up, said he couldn't have them as they were doing something else. She only had to do that once.

If you set up a group chat, start it with an explanation of what it's for and why and an instruction to your DD not to discuss contact any other way so it's all communicated openly and clearly.