This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Anyone else in a similar situation?(2 Posts)
I'm a lone parent and finding it hard to connect with anyone who is in a similar position, just wondering whether there is anyone out there, if so what does your life look like.
I'm nearly 40, got pregnant from a fling 7 years ago and DD's father has barely been in touch since he found out I was pregnant. At the time I was a professional on a decent salary in a city. I moved quite a distance to somewhere more rural. I have full custody, despite many attempts DD's father never wants to see her and pays the minimum possible in child support. He doesn't cause trouble, is just entirely absent.
So I don't have 'ex' issues. I've raised DD 100% on my own. I come from a 'damaged' family background so despite being near some family I have very minimal support, can only really go to them in an emergency. Over the years with DD I've had very severe mental health issues, this is ongoing, so I've struggled with social contact and not got on well with some mum groups. I take a large dose of ADs and they help me get through each day - that sounds bad but in this way I can provide for us. DD has no idea about my health, she is only 6 and I hide it from her.
I work full time, in a professional role, I earn around £40k so not badly off financially, no need for benefits. I interact with other professionals all day but work quite a distance from where I live and can't stay for any social engagements.
So I work, and come home and look after DD, every day. Once DD is in bed, I work in the evening quite a lot. I spend weekend looking after DD and cleaning, tidying. Food prep and sleeping. I rarely get to go out anywhere without DD - part of the reason we are ok financially I suppose is because I don't spend money on babysitters and going out which would be expensive, even to do it once a week.
Sometimes I feel comfortable with this lifestyle, sometimes - when the depression really hits in - really low and like I'm just going through the motions of a life for DD's sake. Sometimes with my health the way it is I struggle even with the basics I've described and the house is a total mess because I just sit on the sofa and cry for no particular reason. Sometimes I remember my former life and wonder if I could regain some form of a social life as DD gets older.
Is anyone else in a similar boat - I mean, no ex causing problems, no money worries necessarily, nothing 'wrong' necessarily, just a feeling of being stuck and growing older steadily with nothing for yourself? What do you do if so, for yourself, with others?.
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Do you have a supportive gp?
It occurred to me this weekend after a few days of struggling. I can keep wallowing or I can try something different. So decide I will look into an evening class of some sort to get me out. And give me something of interest.
I don't expect it will change much but will give my head something else to think about.
I hope you can find something for you. As your daughter get older you will get more free time to yourself. It is easy to get in a rut. You need to shake it up a bit.
Please login first.