Teens and their lying dad

[Juststopit]

Been separated from stbexh from two years and am happy with that. Divorce is in process. I have an DD18 and DS16.
Dd has no contact at all with her father, her choice and that’s fine with me, she’s an adult and it’s up to her. DS sees him once a week max for a film and trip to Macdonalds. Again, at his age he can do what he wants. He doesn’t want to spend anymore time with him.
My issue is that stbexh lies to DS all the time. Little things and bigger lies too. He’s on holiday with his girlfriend but has told DS he’s on a business trip. Unfortunately my daughter has spotted him in a pic on social media ( friend of a friend had liked it - small world! )
His lies don’t affect me, nor my DD but my son is becoming increasingly upset about being lied to, he’s becoming withdrawn and angry at times, which ends up directed at me ( just words nothing physical).
What’s the best way to deal with this? I hate seeing him hurt but he does still want to see his dad. He won’t stay with him or anything though, and ex can’t really see the damage he’s doing.
I know my sons relationship with his dad is his business, but it’s painful to watch.

[Starlight456]

I think at 16 you can only support your Ds. It’s horrible to watch

Depending on your relationship with ex you could let him know he is been found out and Ds is hurt, but depends if he would listen

[bettycat81]

In a calmer moment I would talk to your son and ask him what he would like you to do. Does he want you to talk to his Dad? Dies your son want to talk to someone neutral? But he needs to be made aware that he us currently misdirecting his emotions.

My ex does similar with my DS10 and at the moment I keep it quite lighthearted but can see that should it continue it will become more upsetting and confusing.

[blackcat86]

Could counselling be a possibility so that he can work through his feelings about his dad. It will be difficult when reality disproves the stuff his dad has said or challenges the person his dad would like him to think he is and talking it through with someone impartial can be really helpful for young people.

[Juststopit]

Thanks everyone. Yes it’s heartbreaking. Stbexh is a narcissist and although I’ve escaped his behaviour I feel my son hasn’t. I’ve spoken to DS and he doesn’t want to talk to a stranger about it, the pastoral support at his school is excellent so that would have been a good starting point.
He has said however he is going to reduce the contact he has with his dad to every few weeks and see how he feels then. I know he hates the way his dad treats his sister. I ll just keep the lines of communication open for him