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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Handovers

28 replies

Newtothis213 · 07/10/2019 07:25

NRP is requesting I provide all clothes during handovers which I assume is correct since I receive maintenance. My issue is they're complaining that I only put in sleepsuits for if baby is sick, baby is 5 Months old. Totally normal as far as I'm concerned, they can't dictate what clothes i provide can they?

OP posts:

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kitk · 07/10/2019 10:39

You can include any clothes you want, although if NRP is a bit of a dick they may use it as a stick to beat you with. When I provided clothes he'd always say I hadn't sent enough and would throw a mega strop if there was an unexpected hot/cold day and the clothes I'd sent didn't match the weather. He also wouldn't return clothes a lot of the time so I was short at my house. In the end I told him he had to provide clothes for when she's with him and he's done that but he doesn't pay maintenance. Not sure if that really makes a difference however

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 07/10/2019 10:41

Is your maintenance reduced because you don’t alway have your child?

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/10/2019 10:43

His responsibility to provide clothes for his time.

CrazyCatLady159 · 07/10/2019 10:43

No, you don't have to provide clothes because you receive maintenance.

I'm the Resident parent - NRP has clothes & everything child needs at their house provided by him

Newtothis213 · 07/10/2019 11:11

I receive full maintenance as there's no overnight stays at the moment.

They requested to pay less maintenance and provide their own clothes, i declined this offer. The cms website is a mess so I'm struggling to find the guidelines for all this.

OP posts:

CrazyCatLady159 · 07/10/2019 11:38

He has to pay the full maintenance and provide clothes for when they have the child.
Maintenance is only reduced when overnight stays happen.

I also use CMS. He is trying it on

3xcookedchips · 07/10/2019 13:07

for Gods, grow up - would it kill you to supply the clothes the baby needs until his/her dad is able to have longer?

PotteringAlong · 07/10/2019 13:08

So no overnights you literally mean putting a spare set of clothes in a bag? Just do it, surely?

readitandwept · 07/10/2019 13:47

She is packing clothes and has no issue with that. He's complaining about what clothes she's packing^^ for a 5 month old!

3xcookedchips · 07/10/2019 14:33

And she needs mumsnet for validation?

readitandwept · 07/10/2019 14:50

No, just advice and support as a new mum dealing with a clueless and picky ex.

Chucklecheeks1 · 07/10/2019 14:53

3xcookedchips why so irate?

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 07/10/2019 14:58

Ignore him. I only dressed my kids in baby grows until they are in 6 to 9 month old clothes, which is probably really about 5 months. As long as it’s appropriate for the weather he has no grounds to complain.

Newtothis213 · 07/10/2019 15:59

@3xcookedchips you seem like a delight don't ya. No issue providing anything that my baby needs, my issue is the father is complaining what I'm putting in, currently earning 5 x what I do and is saying he'll need to pay less maintenance if he's to provide clothes. As for growing up, take your own advice there please :-) clearly having a bad day.

Thanks to everyone else who's posted. I'll continue to put in sleepsuits, coats, hats etc and he can provide his own clothes it unhappy

OP posts:

GoldenBlue · 07/10/2019 17:53

To be honest it's a bit of a slippery slope. If and when you move to over nights make sure he understands he's responsible for all the kit at his house including clothes, shoes, toys etc. Maintenance is there to help you house and care for the child. There is an expectation that the non resident parent meets their own costs

readitandwept · 07/10/2019 17:59

It shouldn't be a slippery slope. Be absolutely fair, but also be clear from here on in that you won't pander to him. You've got years of co-parenting ahead, OP. Start as you mean to go on with this kind of thing.

3xcookedchips · 07/10/2019 18:06

@Chucklecheeks1

Becuase its such a trivial thing to get worked up about and then bring to mumsnet. Don't sweat the small stuff!

There are going to bigger fish to fry in years to come.

Chucklecheeks1 · 07/10/2019 18:38

You are a delight. Trivial to you @3xcookedchips it could be the last of a long list of nit picking and controlling comments. We dont know so before you jump in calling someone for sweating the small stuff ask some questions.

My exh was and is controlling, one of the ways he did it was through giving a list each week of what i was exoected to pack and it it wasnt correct i was told it ruined the childrens weekends. I had to pack for every eventuality.

What is trivial in isolation is sometimes so much more as part of a pattern.

MrsDimmond · 07/10/2019 18:48

3xcookedchips

My dd spent the vast majority of her time in babygrows at 5 months. I never saw them as sleep suits or pyjamas. So, if my ex had asked for "clothes" that's what he would have received.

But, I would probably resolve the issue by giving ex one 'non sleep suit' set of clothes to be kept at his house. I would hand over baby in sleep suit and expect him/her to be returned in a sleep suit so ex could wash the set of "proper clothes" for next vist.

GetYourSnitchOut · 07/10/2019 19:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

smilethoyourheartisbreaking · 07/10/2019 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 07/10/2019 19:11

A 5 month old baby spends the vast majority of its time on its back. Babygrows are the most comfortable clothes for them. They don’t need trousers/skirts/tights with waistbands to irritate them.

OP send what you would have in a Changing bag if you were taking baby out for a Few hours. It’s up to him to provide everything while baby is at his house. If he doesn’t like babygrows he is welcome to change the baby into something he has bought.

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JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 07/10/2019 19:13

would it kill you to supply the clothes the baby needs until his/her dad is able to have longer?

She is.

pikapikachu · 07/10/2019 20:03

would it kill you to supply the clothes the baby needs until his/her dad is able to have longer?

Why are you being such a dick? OP does provide a change of clothes! Should she ask him to pick an outfit each time or something- ffs
The baby is not with Dad overnight so presumably 12 hours or less. He doesn't need a whole wardrobe of choices. A change (or two) is fine.
A non-mobile baby is fine in a sleep suit. "Older clothes" can wait until they are mobile.

He should be providing his own stuff and paying maintenance. Baby clothes are hardly Waller busters if you're a high earner.

MrsDimmond · 07/10/2019 20:12

would it kill you to supply the clothes the baby needs she is doing exactly that. Providing the clothes that the baby needs

She does not have to provide clothes dictated by her ex

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