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Handovers

(29 Posts)
Newtothis213 Mon 07-Oct-19 07:25:29

NRP is requesting I provide all clothes during handovers which I assume is correct since I receive maintenance. My issue is they're complaining that I only put in sleepsuits for if baby is sick, baby is 5 Months old. Totally normal as far as I'm concerned, they can't dictate what clothes i provide can they?

OP’s posts: |
kitk Mon 07-Oct-19 10:39:47

You can include any clothes you want, although if NRP is a bit of a dick they may use it as a stick to beat you with. When I provided clothes he'd always say I hadn't sent enough and would throw a mega strop if there was an unexpected hot/cold day and the clothes I'd sent didn't match the weather. He also wouldn't return clothes a lot of the time so I was short at my house. In the end I told him he had to provide clothes for when she's with him and he's done that but he doesn't pay maintenance. Not sure if that really makes a difference however

hormonesorDHbeingadick Mon 07-Oct-19 10:41:16

Is your maintenance reduced because you don’t alway have your child?

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 07-Oct-19 10:43:19

His responsibility to provide clothes for his time.

CrazyCatLady159 Mon 07-Oct-19 10:43:41

No, you don't have to provide clothes because you receive maintenance.

I'm the Resident parent - NRP has clothes & everything child needs at their house provided by him

Newtothis213 Mon 07-Oct-19 11:11:07

I receive full maintenance as there's no overnight stays at the moment.

They requested to pay less maintenance and provide their own clothes, i declined this offer. The cms website is a mess so I'm struggling to find the guidelines for all this.

OP’s posts: |
CrazyCatLady159 Mon 07-Oct-19 11:38:29

He has to pay the full maintenance and provide clothes for when they have the child.
Maintenance is only reduced when overnight stays happen.

I also use CMS. He is trying it on

3xcookedchips Mon 07-Oct-19 13:07:02

for Gods, grow up - would it kill you to supply the clothes the baby needs until his/her dad is able to have longer?

PotteringAlong Mon 07-Oct-19 13:08:51

So no overnights you literally mean putting a spare set of clothes in a bag? Just do it, surely?

readitandwept Mon 07-Oct-19 13:47:09

She is packing clothes and has no issue with that. He's complaining about what clothes she's packing^^ for a 5 month old!

3xcookedchips Mon 07-Oct-19 14:33:40

And she needs mumsnet for validation?

readitandwept Mon 07-Oct-19 14:50:59

No, just advice and support as a new mum dealing with a clueless and picky ex.

Chucklecheeks1 Mon 07-Oct-19 14:53:41

3xcookedchips why so irate?

hormonesorDHbeingadick Mon 07-Oct-19 14:58:40

Ignore him. I only dressed my kids in baby grows until they are in 6 to 9 month old clothes, which is probably really about 5 months. As long as it’s appropriate for the weather he has no grounds to complain.

Newtothis213 Mon 07-Oct-19 15:59:49

@3xcookedchips you seem like a delight don't ya. No issue providing anything that my baby needs, my issue is the father is complaining what I'm putting in, currently earning 5 x what I do and is saying he'll need to pay less maintenance if he's to provide clothes. As for growing up, take your own advice there please :-) clearly having a bad day.

Thanks to everyone else who's posted. I'll continue to put in sleepsuits, coats, hats etc and he can provide his own clothes it unhappy

OP’s posts: |
GoldenBlue Mon 07-Oct-19 17:53:01

To be honest it's a bit of a slippery slope. If and when you move to over nights make sure he understands he's responsible for all the kit at his house including clothes, shoes, toys etc. Maintenance is there to help you house and care for the child. There is an expectation that the non resident parent meets their own costs

readitandwept Mon 07-Oct-19 17:59:38

It shouldn't be a slippery slope. Be absolutely fair, but also be clear from here on in that you won't pander to him. You've got years of co-parenting ahead, OP. Start as you mean to go on with this kind of thing.

3xcookedchips Mon 07-Oct-19 18:06:13

@Chucklecheeks1

Becuase its such a trivial thing to get worked up about and then bring to mumsnet. Don't sweat the small stuff!

There are going to bigger fish to fry in years to come.

Chucklecheeks1 Mon 07-Oct-19 18:38:51

You are a delight. Trivial to you @3xcookedchips it could be the last of a long list of nit picking and controlling comments. We dont know so before you jump in calling someone for sweating the small stuff ask some questions.

My exh was and is controlling, one of the ways he did it was through giving a list each week of what i was exoected to pack and it it wasnt correct i was told it ruined the childrens weekends. I had to pack for every eventuality.

What is trivial in isolation is sometimes so much more as part of a pattern.

MrsDimmond Mon 07-Oct-19 18:48:08

3xcookedchips

My dd spent the vast majority of her time in babygrows at 5 months. I never saw them as sleep suits or pyjamas. So, if my ex had asked for "clothes" that's what he would have received.

But, I would probably resolve the issue by giving ex one 'non sleep suit' set of clothes to be kept at his house. I would hand over baby in sleep suit and expect him/her to be returned in a sleep suit so ex could wash the set of "proper clothes" for next vist.

GetYourSnitchOut Mon 07-Oct-19 19:01:22

My ex was sending lists at 9pm the night before for a 6am pick up with loads of stuff we either don't have or that we have stored off the premises like sports equipment, wetsuits and rackets. In any case the DC are asleep at that time so I can't go in and pack their stuff and I can't leave them to go out buy anything. He states colours of t shirts. Once I sent some pants that were too small by mistake. He says where I have to park my car. I have to provide suncream, nappies, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, everything consumable. A lot of their clothes get mysteriously lost or ruined when they are with him. Anything he does on rare occasions buy is unsuitable and then I can't donate it. He insists I have to remain visible at the door and if I move away from the door he calls the police saying the children are home alone.

OP some people are just dicks and some are controlling. In my experience controlling behaviour starts with small things and escalates.

smilethoyourheartisbreaking Mon 07-Oct-19 19:05:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart Mon 07-Oct-19 19:11:16

A 5 month old baby spends the vast majority of its time on its back. Babygrows are the most comfortable clothes for them. They don’t need trousers/skirts/tights with waistbands to irritate them.

OP send what you would have in a Changing bag if you were taking baby out for a Few hours. It’s up to him to provide everything while baby is at his house. If he doesn’t like babygrows he is welcome to change the baby into something he has bought.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart Mon 07-Oct-19 19:13:58

would it kill you to supply the clothes the baby needs until his/her dad is able to have longer?

She is.

pikapikachu Mon 07-Oct-19 20:03:02

* would it kill you to supply the clothes the baby needs until his/her dad is able to have longer?*

Why are you being such a dick? OP does provide a change of clothes! Should she ask him to pick an outfit each time or something- ffs
The baby is not with Dad overnight so presumably 12 hours or less. He doesn't need a whole wardrobe of choices. A change (or two) is fine.
A non-mobile baby is fine in a sleep suit. "Older clothes" can wait until they are mobile.

He should be providing his own stuff and paying maintenance. Baby clothes are hardly Waller busters if you're a high earner.

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