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DS father wants more contact(5 Posts)
So I start of by saying we separated due to DV finical, emotional leading to physical never apologised.
So after a lot of decisions going through a lot (women shelter, as etc) we came to a verbal agreement that he would have DS every other weekend and then when I started working he would pick son up and once a month drop him off.
This weekend is supposed to be his weekend. (I have a contract saying im working this weekend with work). He phones me last week to say oh I can't do this weekend I've had to work at short notice (a week is short notice? My rota changes occasionally on the day or within 24 hours). So I tell him straight I can't help you you know it's my weekend to worn you'll have to sort something. He says oh can you ask your mom to watch him. I basically tell him he has to ask her he's being a cheeky sod and to sort it. The reason I'm being unreasonable here is the man owes 3 months of child maintenance and has repeatedly had a go about my working hours.
So he eventually sorts it with my mom, I phone my mom to double check (he's lied before about my mother and is a manipulator so yeah). My mom says it's fine, I tell her I'll drop D's off if k can which atm I can.
I then get a cheeky phone call later in day saying my usual days off are Tuesday and Thursdays how about I come over cook/get take away and we can do the family thing. I tell him I'll think about it, I'm not shutting him down straight away because he'll tell me I didn't think about it. This is not the first time he's tried this oh let's try and be a family, he's repeater says DS comes from a broken home etc. It's upsetting.
So last night he texts have you thought about me coming over. Now bear in mind he knows the hours I work so I text no. When I get home and sorted I ring and say no it's too much DS is going to get more confused.
I am getting tired of being messed around by him and so close to stopping his contact as DS behaviours since being at his father's has become more erratic and he's started lashing out more.
Any advice/support much appreciated.
P.s. sorry for the long rant.
It sounds like he'll lose interest at some point in the next few years. You said your shifts sometimes change at short notice- does he then cover you or does your mum help? I reckon if he steps up to help you when things change then it's good to be equally amenable when you/your mum can be. However, if you don't rely on him to help out I'd say to him that he needs to respect his weekends because you need to work to provide for DS and your mum has raised her kids so shouldn't be expected to raise yours, so you need to change your priorities or when you see DS and that arrangement needs to last the test of time pending no absolute emergencies. Basically I agree you and your DS need the stability of EOW or whatever you agree but not that you should stop DS seeing him based on him being unreliable
You offer fixed contact if he misses it that's his loss (very annoying that you will need back up childcare)
Get maintenance sorted via CMS.
Go grey rock about all other requests.
Messing with your head isn't what's best for your dc.
Thank you everyone for your advice it's very much appreciated.
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