Visits to Daddy's

[benjaminsmum]

Hi, my dh and I split ten months ago leaving me with our sons now 11mths and 3.5 yrs. We remain amicable and have always discussed the chidren. He has just moved closer to us to see more of the boys but throughout he has had our eldest ds to stay. But, and here in lies my question, the eldest has suddenly decided he does't want to stay at Daddy's any more but does want to see him in the day. We had both noticed a change in behaviour after a visit and he kept waking at both houses screaming to go home and where's mummy. He hasn't stayed there for a couple of weeks and is now objecting to his younger brother going as well. Not sure where to go from here as obviously want what is best for boys but also want a break occasionally. And what is best, making him stay at Daddy's or letting him just visit in the day? Any advice much appreciated.

[Tinkerbel5]

I would not push for your son to stay overnight as it should be fun not a hindrance, keep it as just day times now and access it in another 6 months or so.

[fawkeoff]

dd went through a stage of thid a couple of months ago......she goes to grandads at the weekend, he absolutely dotes on her and she just loves being the cenrte of his world.....he rang me up one night saying she was really upset and wanted to come home.I went straight away as not to distress her even more,and she had got all her belongings sh keeps there(even her nemo cup) and practically moved out.She informed me she didnt want to go to grandads again so i just said ok.After a couple of weeks she was fine and started going back again and i have no idea what triggered it......i do know that if anything serious had happened for her to be upset that she would have definately let me know

[alipiggie]

I second what Tinkerbel5 says. I"m having the same 'traumas' with both my boys. Neither of them want to stay with Daddy at the moment and it's very upsetting for me. In my case I think a lot of it is a reation to what's happening in their lives at the moment and also to the fact that their father has never really been active in their lives. A case of too little too late. So we're arranging daytime visits or just dinner with Daddy and playing it by ear. It is very stressful though, and obviously the children have to come first. Although have to admit that I'm in desperate need of a break too and have none in sight at the moment . Would do both me and the boys good.

[Frizbe]

I would say persevere, as its something he needs to get used to really, ss used to prior to school do a week here, then a week at his mums, this enabled both parents to get their lives back on track work wise and socially, worked for them? (before anyone slags me off I didn't appear on the scene till he was nearly 4 and they split when he was 1)

[benjaminsmum]

thanks for advice and would you belive ten minutes after I posted this he announced he wanted to stay at Daddy's today not his brother. So fingers crossed it is going well. Will wait and see what he is like in the next few days.