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Why is he such an a$$

(9 Posts)
Londongirl07 Thu 05-Sep-19 22:48:38

Need a son has just started secondary school and he no longer entitled to free school meals. I have just starting working full time now but money is still tight, I’m paying mortgage, bills, after school club for youngest etc, I told my ex he needs to help pay towards school meals and he’s refusing to! I’m so angry! He said to me he thinks the £30 a week he pays for the boys (amounting to £3 per day per child - he has them only twice a week) is more than enough and I had to break it down where does he think this is enough? He has a baby and surely it’s more than £3 per day and yet these 2 have to like it or lump it.

I’m trying so hard to do the best for the kids and he hardly does anything it makes me so angry! I said pay the £20 a month for school dinners direct to parentpay not to me! Yet it’s a no!

He says if you sell the house and give him his share he will help me more with the kids! As if they are a coin exchange. He owns half the house but I stayed in with the kids and can’t afford to buy him out nor sell as I’ll have no where to go and finances aren’t great yet to even want to buy again.

I just needed a rant he is such an A$$ these kids didn’t ask for us to split, his duties don’t end when he’s not with them! Ahhhhhhhhh

OP’s posts: |
MummyAndSon2000 Mon 09-Sep-19 00:10:21

Hi, I'm so sorry your left to deal with all the financial difficulties on your own. I think every parent knows how expensive kids can be! Isn't he expected to pay child maintenance by the government or courts? If not definitely push for that as he does see your children. Fair enough he's got another child but your taking care of more than one on your own and paying for everything so he should definitely pay for them too. Hope it all works out well for you

FMFL Mon 09-Sep-19 00:21:36

OP I’m in a similar position, it absolutely sucks. My ex insists I sell the house to fund our daughter...he refuses to understand that that I cannot afford to make myself and our dd homeless so he can buy himself a new house for him and OW. All I need is a little financial help towards our dd, not to go nuclear and sell up!

Londongirl07 Tue 10-Sep-19 03:30:20

@MummyAndSon2000 he is being dodgy with his wages and he claims he gets less than he earns and if I was to go through CMS I would end up getting just £3 more a week...hardly worth it and I know if it did that he would make my life difficult and not even have the kids when I need him to. He pleads poverty to everyone yet has just gone out and bought a £40k car! Says he can’t afford to pay for lunch for our son but can afford everything else. Gets on my nerves.

@FMFL I’m glad to find someone on my boat...obviously not glad for you to be in the situation lol! It’s just so stressful. I understand he wants to move on with his life however I cannot sell up just so he can go and put a roof over his and his ow and new child’s head. What about these 2 boys. He rly makes little to no effort with them, cries wolf to people he misses them and wish he could see them more when the opportunity comes for that he says no straight away...I can’t see how these men can be selfish and put their needs before the kids! I’m sure for you like me had we had no children we would’ve sold the house just to have them off our back but we have chosen to deal with the what you can say harassment for the sake of the kids to have a roof over their head.

OP’s posts: |
Graphista Tue 10-Sep-19 03:36:27

Is he not honestly declaring his earnings? I'd report his arse to the tax man!

"Lifestyle not congruent with claimed earnings"

Then go cms once hmrc (who cover tax and cm) know how much he really gets

BellyButton85 Tue 10-Sep-19 03:46:39

Op, your wanting him to pay another £20 a month (absolutely fair enough) so £5 per week...and you say if you went through CMS to get what your kids are entitled to and rightly so, you'd end up with an extra £3 a week. Thats another £12 (not quite the £20 needed) but it's only £8 a month down rather than £20.
At least through CMS he can't start pissing you about. This is the amount he is to pay so he has to pay it

MummyAndSon2000 Tue 10-Sep-19 13:29:47

Things wont stay that way for long. It's all government related and he'll end up getting caught out regardless for not paying when he can afford too. If he chooses not to have your kids then tell him he can afford for them to be babysit by a family member or friend. He's going to keep treating you and your kids like it if you let him, you'll end up being more miserable than what you would be being able to handle more financially. I'd definitely stick my two fingers up at him and say take care of your kids

Londongirl07 Thu 12-Sep-19 23:30:03

Hey all...I believe eventually he will be caught out...and that’ll serve him right and with that hopefully he will be forced to pay what he should and even back dated but let’s wait and see. I believe in karma even if she takes her sweet time she will arrive.

I think I will have to start going through CMS because if he has the kids on the odd occasion an extra day he won’t pay for kids maintenance because he feels I’ve had them less days so I don’t need that money for them 🙄🙄 I feel like I can’t win and I have to give in or he will just not help and threaten to not have the kids when I have asked for a special occasion (which I have to ask months in advance lol).

I’ve got to the point where if he threatens me again with the kids I’ll tell him it’s fine don’t have them anymore...I’m sure eventually he will want them but I can’t do that and won’t do that to my kids and use them like that it’s not fair they should have a relationship with him even if he can be a douche!

Good news i have had though is that the council contacted me yesterday and said they made a mistake on the free school meals and he is entitled to it which is a huge help for me as it can be costly.

The things some of us single mothers go through...I could be here all day and tell you so much more you’d be shocked but I’ll save that for another time. Lol

OP’s posts: |
Graphista Fri 13-Sep-19 01:36:30

Op great you've had good news on fsm score.

I've been single mum 16 years, I doubt much would shock me at this point!

But I get ya.

Pursue him for the cm drop him in it with hmrc if necessary. You have to prioritise your household.

Good luck with it all thanks

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